In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to introduce a controversial subject by posing the question: Why don’t you change?
First a quick update:
**** “Cheating & Narcissism: Lessons from Peter Cook” –former husband of supermodel Christie Brinkley, Peter Cook told Barbara Walters on ABC’s “20/20,” that he blames Brinkley, his wife, for his affair. I join the ladies of XM radio’s “Broadminded” show to reveal the real psychological and behavioral motivations behind Cook’s affair and his subsequent actions of hurling blame at Brinkley. I also reveal the link between narcissism and cheating, and, explore the issues of personal accountability and responsibility relating to how we respond to the way other people make us feel. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp
Now let’s talk about change.
In last week’s Success Newsletter, I revealed the top two causes of divorce and I said: “Please be aware that you cannot change anyone, so beware of hooking up with someone in the hope of rescuing, reforming or transforming him or her to reach their potential.”
1. Women fall in love with the potential of men
2. Men don’t expect their woman to change and they don’t want her to change.
In the movie, “Jerry Maguire”, Dorothy (played by Renee Zellweger) is speaking to her sister Laura (Bonnie Hunt) to tell her how she feels about her boss and romantic interest Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise.) Dorothy says:
“I love him. I love him for the man he wants to be; for the man he almost is.”
What is Dorothy revealing here?
Dorothy is not in love with Jerry but rather she is in love with Jerry’s potential. Too many women make the same mistake of falling in love with a man’s potential – what he could be or might be one day. They hope the man will change and grow and evolve; but worse, they expect that he will change and grow and evolve. And then they become disillusioned and deeply disappointed when he doesn’t change, has no interest in changing or simply refuses to change.
Women are innately nurturers. And just like the gardener who nurtures the seedling until it becomes a strong vibrant tree producing delicious fruits, so too, does the woman nurture the male hoping he will one day become that strong vibrant man producing delicious fruits as he expresses his full potential.
Sadly, men generally don’t have any interest in changing until they truly need to change – when the pain becomes so strong that they realize they must change i.e. when the wife threatens to divorce her husband unless he attends counseling or changes a specific habit. And even then, the man will only change when and if he is willing and ready. And ladies, please understand that it takes men years to change, mature and evolve.