Archive for October, 2008

Why don’t you change?

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
Why do not you change

Why don’t you change?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to introduce a controversial subject by posing the question: Why don’t you change? 

 

First a quick update:

 

**** “Cheating & Narcissism: Lessons from Peter Cook”former husband of supermodel Christie Brinkley, Peter Cook told Barbara Walters on ABC’s “20/20,” that he blames Brinkley, his wife, for his affair. I join the ladies of XM radio’s “Broadminded” show to reveal the real psychological and behavioral motivations behind Cook’s affair and his subsequent actions of hurling blame at Brinkley. I also reveal the link between narcissism and cheating, and, explore the issues of personal accountability and responsibility relating to how we respond to the way other people make us feel.  http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp    

 

Now let’s talk about change.

 

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I revealed the top two causes of divorce and I said: “Please be aware that you cannot change anyone, so beware of hooking up with someone in the hope of rescuing, reforming or transforming him or her to reach their potential.”

 

This leads to two other key points from my books, “Get the Man You Want” http://patrickwanis.com/GetTheManYouWant.asp and “What a woman wants”  http://patrickwanis.com/WhatAWomanWantsBook.asp:

1. Women fall in love with the potential of men

2. Men don’t expect their woman to change and they don’t want her to change.

 

In the movie, “Jerry Maguire”, Dorothy (played by Renee Zellweger) is speaking to her sister Laura (Bonnie Hunt) to tell her how she feels about her boss and romantic interest Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise.) Dorothy says:

“I love him. I love him for the man he wants to be; for the man he almost is.”

 

What is Dorothy revealing here?

 

Dorothy is not in love with Jerry but rather she is in love with Jerry’s potential. Too many women make the same mistake of falling in love with a man’s potential – what he could be or might be one day. They hope the man will change and grow and evolve; but worse, they expect that he will change and grow and evolve. And then they become disillusioned and deeply disappointed when he doesn’t change, has no interest in changing or simply refuses to change.

 

Women are innately nurturers. And just like the gardener who nurtures the seedling until it becomes a strong vibrant tree producing delicious fruits, so too, does the woman nurture the male hoping he will one day become that strong vibrant man producing delicious fruits as he expresses his full potential.

 

Sadly, men generally don’t have any interest in changing until they truly need to change – when the pain becomes so strong that they realize they must change i.e. when the wife threatens to divorce her husband unless he attends counseling or changes a specific habit. And even then, the man will only change when and if he is willing and ready. And ladies, please understand that it takes men years to change, mature and evolve.

Continue reading “Why don’t you change?” »

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What do you value?

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
What do you value

What do you value

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explain the link between your values and your misery or success.

First a quick update:


****         “Women to blame for men cheating” – listen to the controversial interview I gave to Hits and Favorites with Richard Stevens on Lori St. James for my response to a book by Gary Neuman, a marriage counselor that claims when men cheat it’s women’s fault because they don’t show enough appreciation to their man. I reveal the major errors in Neuman’s conclusions.  http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp    

 

Now let’s talk about clashing values and your success or failure.

Divorce attorneys identify that the top two causes for divorce are money and sex. What the divorce attorneys fail to tell you is that the real cause of divorce is arguments over money and sex. In other words, the arguments stem over clashing values and beliefs regarding money and sex. Clashing values lead to the breakdown of relationships, friendships and businesses. Identical or complimentary values lead to flourishing relationships in all areas of life.

 

Continue reading “What do you value?” »

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The Psychology of the financial crisis

Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
the psychology of the financial crisis

The Psychology of the Financial Crisis

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss personal accountability & responsibility and how it relates to our financial crisis. 

 

First a quick update:  


****         “Falling in love with abusers” – A powerful conversation with lots of emotional and personal stories has begun on my blog in response to last week’s Newsletter: “Falling in love with abusers.” Add you comments here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/falling-in-love-with-abusers/

 

  *****   “Subconscious Imagery Personality Test” –I have now created an audio version of my unique fun and revealing personality test. Before today, you had to book a personal session to have the visualization personality test done. Now you can do it whenever you want and in the comfort of your home with a new CD guided by me. It reveals your subconscious thoughts, feelings and beliefs. www.patrickwanis.com/SubconsciousPersonalityTest.asp  

 

Now let’s talk about the timely topic of personal accountability & responsibility. 

Across the globe, people are suffering from economic crises.  Many people are now asking “How did we get into this mess?” The responses by various people revolve around blame: the Government, Wall St, financial institutions, lenders, brokers and of course, individual buyers and investors.  

I would like to explore one element of the equation: the psychology of the financial trouble. It may be argued that the primary emotion behind the mess was greed, followed by instant gratification and fear. In other words, some people got caught up in the emotion that drives the thought of “we must buy now to flip and resell at a profit, while we can and before it is too late.” 

I have found that almost all of our dysfunction and pain in life is derived from losing balance and being trapped in a time zone: the past, the present or the future. For example, the woman that refuses to love again because she still loves someone from the past or fears being hurt again; the man that gets so caught up in the present moment of temptation that he steals or cheats on his wife and; the man that hoards and refuses to spend any money because he fears there won’t be enough in the future. Continue reading “The Psychology of the financial crisis” »

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So much wrong with women

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

So much wrong with women

So much wrong with women

A new book, “the truth about cheating” by Gary Neuman says the top reason men cheat is because they feel underappreciated by their woman. “This is an outrage” says therapist Patrick Wanis PhD, “Again men are trying to let themselves off the hook by laying the blame on women, trying to make women feel guilty because they aren’t doing enough for their man.” Does Patrick Wanis have a point?

Continue reading “So much wrong with women” »

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Falling in love with abusers

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
Falling in love with abusers

Falling in love with abusers

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the psychological reasons that people are attracted to or even fall in love with abusive or manipulative people. 

 

First a quick update:  

 

****         “Subconscious Personality Imagery Test” – due to overwhelming requests, I have now created an audio version of my unique personality test. Before today, you had to book a personal session to have the personality test done. Now you can do it on your own in the comfort of your home with a new CD guided by me. The test reveals your subconscious thoughts, feelings and beliefs.  http://patrickwanis.com/SubconsciousPersonalityTest.asp 

 

Now let’s talk about the psychology of attraction to abusive, manipulative or unhealthy people.  

Why do certain people attract us while others repel us? The answer to that question would be simple were the attraction to something always positive, but what about the people who are stuck like glue to partners, friends or family that are abusive?  Continue reading “Falling in love with abusers” »

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Lessons from Paul Newman

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
lessons from Paul Newman

Lessons from Paul Newman

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to offer inspiration via lessons from actor, Paul Newman who passed away this past week. 

 

First a quick update: 

 

****      “What is self-esteem?” Listen to the detailed interview with Dr. Joe Rubino, an expert on self-esteem. We explore all aspects of self-esteem – what it is, how our beliefs, experiences and perceptions impact and determine our self-esteem and self-worth and what to do feel better and raise our beliefs about our level of worthiness. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp

 

Now let’s talk about the lessons, role model and inspiration that comes from actor, father and philanthropist, Paul Newman 

I have said that before that we need to be careful about idolizing people because we are all humans and thus imperfect but there is so much to be learned from Paul Newman who was human but chose to reveal and live so much of the powerful human spirit and potential. And yes, he too, was imperfect, admitting he had a drinking problem before marrying his second wife, Joanne with whom he remained loving and faithful for fifty years – a rarity in and outside of Hollywood.  

In so many ways, Paul Newman stands to define what I call a successful life –richly lived in all four realms: Physical (health, financial security), Mental (hobbies, personal growth), Emotional (relationships and family) and Spiritual (service to others.)  Continue reading “Lessons from Paul Newman” »

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