Overcoming loneliness

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal ways to overcome loneliness – now and at any time of the year.

First a quick update:

     Dating and making a lasting first impression: Read the transcript the interview I gave to Jennifer Vogel “Relationships for twentysomethings” reporter for Examiner.com revealing techniques, tips and strategies to help you make lasting first impressions when dating. Read more here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2009/12/29/making-a-lasting-first-impression/

       Emotional Vampires – Next week, I will be releasing a detailed interview I just gave to the German psychology magazine PM offering more insights into handling and dealing with emotional vampires. Meanwhile you can read about emotional vampires:  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2009/06/10/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/ and
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2009/06/17/freeing-the-emotional-vampire-in-you/

Now, let’s talk about ways to overcome loneliness.

For many people, the toughest, most challenging and most stressful time of the year is The Holiday Season and its various celebrations & rituals such as Christmastime, the New Year and the parties. Expectations are created for giving gifts, throwing parties, welcoming family members, dealing with relatives & others whom you cannot stand, and braving a happy face while facing the expectations that others have of you: your career, personal and romantic life, the way you interact with others and the person you have become!

The result can be like a Molotov cocktail – tension, arguments, fall-outs, emotional outbursts, sadness, grief and depression.

One of the most common appeals to me from clients and others is for help dealing with loneliness, particularly around the Holidays.

  Continue reading “Overcoming loneliness” »

Give it away

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the power of giving it away.

First a quick update:

• Last chance: There’s only five left – If you are ready to “unlearn” all of the negative programming and change the way you feel, then this is for you. I am offering this to only 100 of my subscribers and now there are only five left, so hurry  www.patrickwanis.com/emotionalfreedom

• Top Ten Celebrity Meltdowns 2009: It’s my third annual list which comes with insights and lessons that we can garner from each of the events. For example, did you know that Chris Brown who assaulted his girlfriend Rihanna, had an abusive stepfather who used to beat his mother? And did you know Chris had expressed resentment towards his stepfather, saying “I hate him to this day”, and even threatened to kill him with a baseball bat one day? And yet Chris Brown ended up copying his father’s behavior, something characteristic of patterns of domestic violence. Read more: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2009/12/21/the-top-10-celebrity-meltdowns-of-2009/

Now, let’s talk about The Holidays and giving it away.

This is the season when we are encouraged to give gifts; when we are bombarded with all sorts of suggestions and advertising such as “the gift for the man/woman who has everything” etc.

Of course, no one really has “everything” but more to the point, what is it that you want?

What is that one special gift that would be so extraordinary that it would make a real difference in your life?

You might mention something tangible and specific; maybe you have already made your list and it might be the latest model of some product or maybe it’s a job, a promotion, health, love or a special vacation.

I believe that the most special gift one can receive is that gift that no currency can buy but gives you inner peace or lightens your load and relieves you of pain, frustration and self-doubt; the gift that results in healing.

For each person, that gift is different: maybe making up with an old friend, hearing something specific from someone that matters in your life, getting over a loss or a breakup, etc.

Continue reading “Give it away” »

Lessons from Tiger Woods

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the lessons from Tiger Woods.

First a quick update:

• Only a few remaining: I shared with you that the real breakthrough in our lives comes from emotional freedom and I created a complete turnkey solution that allows anyone to create a complete “life makeover.” If you are ready to “unlearn” all of the negative programming and change the way you feel, then this is for you. I am offering this to only 100 of my subscribers and now there are only a handful left, so hurry  www.patrickwanis.com/emotionalfreedom

• For men only: Here is the perfect gift for the man in your life who wants more success with women – even if that woman is you. My audio training CD/MP3 program “The New Science of Persuasion” where you will learn the key to all persuasion; Key secrets to understanding women; the First secret that every guy needs to know about women; The primary goal that will help you to win a woman and; much more. If you are a woman, then get this program for your man; it will help your relationship when he knows how to understand you and treat you. Click here: http://patrickwanis.com/ScienceOfPersuasion.asp

• How to Survive the office party -and get ahead: Listen to the 20-minute interview I gave to Jim Peake of MySuccessGateway.com where I reveal  techniques and strategies about how to succeed at the Holiday parties and events – http://patrickwanis.com/communicationskills/Packages.asp

Now, let’s talk about lessons we can learn from Tiger Woods.

Eldrick Tont “Tiger” Woods is one of the most successful golfers of all time. He is the World No. 1, the highest-paid professional athlete in 2008; he earned $110 million from winnings and endorsements.

Woods has won 14 professional major golf championships. He has more career major wins and career PGA Tour wins than any other active golfer. He is the youngest player to achieve the career Grand Slam, and the youngest and fastest to win 50 tournaments on tour. Woods has won 16 World Golf Championships and has won at least one event each of the 11 years they have been in existence.

Woods has made an estimated $1 billion in endorsements in his 13-year career, the most of any athlete ever. Sports Illustrated estimates he’s now bringing in $100 million a year pitching various products.

But just a few weeks ago, all of that began to change as the world heard story after story of alleged affairs, trysts and secret sordid liaisons involving Woods and around 11 different women.

On Sunday, the golfer lost his first endorsement deal with gllobal consulting firm Accenture, Ltd who said it felt Woods was “no longer the right representative” following the “circumstances of the last two weeks.” Further, Gillette stopped airing all advertisements featuring Woods, and AT&T has announced that it is re-evaluating its relationship with Woods.

And last Friday, Woods announced his indefinite leave from golf to focus on being on a better husband and father. Yes, Woods admitted to some transgressions.

So what can be learned and gleaned from this story? Is it just a case of a married man who has a compulsive problem and who subsequently betrayed his wife many times?

No, there is much more to this story.

Continue reading “Lessons from Tiger Woods” »

Accepting the unacceptable

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss and reveal how to overcome the greatest challenge we all face around The Holidays, and possible the greatest challenge in life – accepting the unacceptable.

First a quick update:

• Emotional freedom guarantees success: Many people have been asking for help, saying that they long to break away from the daily grind and start living a life full of abundance. The real breakthrough comes from emotional freedom and I have just finished creating a complete turnkey solution that allows anyone to create a complete “life makeover.” If you are ready to “unlearn” all of the negative programming and change the way you feel, then this is for you. I offered this to only 100 of my subscribers a few months ago but I am doing it again because it is The Holidays, so hurry and click here: www.patrickwanis.com/emotionalfreedom

• The Top Nine Tips to Help You Enjoy The Holidays: Listen to the 45-minute interview I give to Jim Peake of MySuccessGateway.com about how to avoid arguments, fights and enjoy the Holidays; click here: http://patrickwanis.com/holidaytips/Packages.asp

Now, let’s talk about accepting the unacceptable.

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I mentioned that one of the primary reasons that The Holidays have become so stressful is because we’ve placed so many expectations around The Holidays; expectations about ourselves, others and the special day or events.

In an article I wrote and published by Date.com, I explain:

The Holidays automatically trigger every single insecurity that we have as well as our fears, anger, frustration, resentment, bitterness, guilt, shame and any other negative emotion that we hide deep inside. The reason this occurs is because we become emotionally vulnerable when we spend time with the people closest to us – our family and when we combine that with our expectations of them and of ourselves it’s easy for the eruption to occur. In other words, all of our hurts, fears and failures are triggered by our family members. While our initial reaction is to blame them, please understand that all they succeed in doing is triggering what is already inside of us. That means we can’t blame other people for the way we chose to respond to them and their behavior.

Continue reading “Accepting the unacceptable” »

How to enjoy The Holidays

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the simple keys to enjoying the Holidays.

First a quick update:

**** “Top tips to avoid arguments and avoid Holiday Stress”: Listen to the radio interview I give to world famous TV personality Sally Jessy Raphael about my top nine tips, techniques and strategies to prevent arguments, fights and stress around the Holidays. I also reveal insights into the male and female traits that create hurt, pain, depression and major disappointments during the Holidays. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#EasingHolidayStress

**** “What a woman wants – and how to give it to her”: Here is the ideal Holiday gift for the man in your life – your boyfriend, husband, brother, best friend or single father. My book is a makeover book for men – offering insights into women, dating, love and romance. This book also makes a great coffee table book, opening up conversation and discussion – and it is available in paperback or Ebook. “WOW. I never believed a guy actually could know about how a woman feels.  I think EVERY MAN needs to read this book; there would be a lot more happy women out there if they did!” –Amber L. Age 24 –Texas; “The techniques from your book gave great guidelines for talking to women, the results have been phenomenal” Steve W. Age 35 –Ohio. http://patrickwanis.com/WhatAWomanWantsBook.asp

Now, let’s talk about how to enjoy the Holidays

Recently, a reporter interviewed me for my insights and key strategies to actually enjoy the Holidays. Below is a condensed summary of my advice.

There is a saying “nothing has real meaning except the meaning we bring to it.” And it is true that the primary reason that Holidays have become stressful is because we’ve placed so many expectations around the Holidays; expectations about ourselves, others and the special day or events.

Step one to enjoying the Holidays is to review your expectations of them. Often, all of the arguments that occur over the holidays occur because someone expects someone else to do something, to be something or even to have something i.e. a gift or a specific gift.

Ask yourself “Am I having realistic expectations?” Sometimes we expect that our Holidays will feel the same way that they did when we were a child and they can’t because we’re not a child and our parents aren’t looking after us and yes, we now have responsibilities. So, we need to reframe, readjust and fine-tune our expectations.

Step two to enjoying the Holidays is to find balance by removing the sense of obligation. We can find balance amongst the commercialization of the Holidays by seeking joy and purpose. Commercialization removes all the joy because we spend so much time feeling obligated to do things. Balance means moving away from the obligations and the commercialization of the Holiday to joy. If you are approaching the Holidays with, “I have to put up a tree; I have to buy these gifts; I have to do this, etc”, then you are not operating out of joy and purpose. You’re operating out of fear and obligation; fear that if it doesn’t get done something bad will happen i.e. confrontations, feelings of guilt, embarrassment, etc.

You might respond by saying, “Well, I do have to buy a certain amount of gifts and I do have to decorate the house, or do other chores or tasks, cooking, cleaning, etc.” But if you view it entirely as an obligation, then you cannot have joy. And this applies to every aspect of our life. If you approach work every day with “Oh, I must do this; I should do this; I have to do this,” then you are removing all the joy, and eventually replacing it with resentment, frustration and bitterness.

Instead consider asking yourself, “How can I bring more joy to this? How can I have fun doing this task?” In tangible terms, you now reframe your perception or perspective away from, “Oh, this is going to take me hours to do,” to, “How much joy will this bring to the people that are going to be involved in this?” For example, if you are putting up a tree and decorations, you can focus now on the joy that everyone is going to get from the tree and decorations rather than focusing on yourself and thinking “Oh, I can’t be bothered. Oh, I prefer to be doing something else.” So when you start to think about other people, it changes the way you feel when you are thinking about how you can bring joy and happiness and satisfaction and meaning to your friends and loved ones.

Thus we need to balance the commercialization with the meaning of the Holidays.

Even if you’re not a religious or a spiritual person, you can still choose to give meaning to the Holidays in terms of a time to stop, to take a break, to rest and to think about, “Well, who am I grateful for in my life?” You can review the past year and say, “Well, how have I lived my life this past year and what did I do that I really liked? What did I do that I didn’t like and that I now wish to change for the coming year?” The reason we feel such magic on Christmas Day is because it’s probably one of the only days of the year that all the shops are closed and we actually stop and do nothing. Unlike some other annual celebrations, the Holidays is more about family than it is about partying or celebrating. Thus, when we can get to slow down and feel like we are actually stopping time, then we’re able to experience more inner peace, which is the whole intention of meditation, yoga and other practices: to calm the mind, calm the body and enjoy the moment.

The point here is to be able to really find more meaning in the Holidays beyond the giving of gifts and the decorating and the obligatory visits to other family members or relatives. Each one of us can find meaning within the holidays; our own meaning. It doesn’t have to be religious or spiritual but it can be spiritual in the sense of getting more in touch with gratitude and appreciation; really stopping and becoming more aware of how you’re living your life and what brings you real joy so you can make adjustments and fine-tuning to get more pleasure and more joy out of your life.

Accordingly, the key here is about actually enjoying the process; learning to enjoy every process in life even if it means decorating, cooking, cleaning, shopping, putting up a tree, setting up the Menorah, etc. We need to look for the ways to enjoy the process because life is a process.

And while you seek ways to bring joy to other people, beware of becoming a martyr and losing all sense of joy. When you are focusing on the joy for the other person, it removes your resistance and you, too, can get more joy out of bringing joy to other people.

How do we bring joy to others without becoming a martyr?

Balance.

If you’re truly tired, if you’re rundown, if you’re ill or you have certain other commitments, then that is the time to say, “Look, I cannot do this. I’m not in a position to do this task or to follow through.” That’s when it’s not about being selfish; It’s about knowing when it’s appropriate to put yourself first, whether it’s your mental health, emotional health, physical health or even your spiritual health.

There is a difference between putting yourself first and being selfish. The later refers to behavior that discards the thoughts & feelings of others as well as the consequences.

However, whatever you do, beware of approaching it with guilt, a negative emotion. That even applies to food.

If you’re going to eat or indulge in rich and fatty foods, desserts and candies, then you might as well enjoy it or don’t do it at all. The worst thing that anyone can do is to eat something and then condemn it after they’ve eaten because that takes away all the pleasure you just experienced from eating it. Remember, to eat slowly because it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that your stomach is full. So eat slowly and whatever you’re going to eat, enjoy it because you’re better off walking away and saying, “Wow, that was a 600-calorie cheesecake but it tasted great.” And then walk away with joy.

Oh, and you can always say “no thank you!”

Happy Holidays!

If you want more confidence to say no and be true to yourself then use my CD or MP3 file: Supreme Self-Confidence http://patrickwanis.com/SupremeSelfConfidence.asp

If you would like to comment on this newsletter, go to www.patrickwanis.com/blog   if you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.patrickwanis.com