In the movie “The Descendants” George Clooney’s character a father has to accept responsibility for the results of his marriage, has to bond with his daughters and, make a highly unpopular life-changing decision about the family’s land.

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the implications of when men refuse to be a real man.

First a quick update:

**** Tiger Wood’s wife takes him back:John Edwards, Governor Elliot Spitzer and now Tiger Woods. Why do wives take back their cheating husbands? Read the transcript of the radio interview I gave to Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL.

http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2010/01/26/tiger-woods-wife-takes-him-back/

****  Fear, anxiety & grief relief – George Clooney and Wyclef Jean organized and led the Hope for Haiti Telethon which raised 58 million dollars. At Wyclef’s request, I’ve just created a special audio program to help the volunteers, workers, friends and families of people in Haiti. These simple exercises will neutralize the fear, anxiety, stress and trauma brought on by extreme challenges and stress. Of course, anyone can use these powerful techniques to erase their own bad memories and begin to feel better immediately. They are my gift to you and anyone who needs them: http://patrickwanis.com/Haiti/

Now, let’s talk about when men refuse to be “a real man.”

This week, a client was telling me how her boyfriend expects her to carry her own weight:  he doesn’t offer to carry her bags, and lives by the Chinese proverb “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

I wondered why this man felt it necessary to teach rather than to help or assist her. It also begs the question: does this man expect her to carry her own emotional baggage? Can he be strong for her? Is he dependable, reliable and responsible? Is he a real man?

Of course, it is possible to write reams about what it is that defines a real man. And yes there are certain masculine qualities such as assertiveness, confidence, energy, incisiveness, determination, strength of mind and body, stamina, nobility, self sacrifice and leadership. We can add to that devotion to family, caring, acceptance, commitment, honesty, reliability, respect and love for women, children & all living things, responsibility, and the ability to admit that he’s not perfect, and thus always remaining willing to work at being a better person.

My client’s situation raised parallels with the actions of three other famous men – Tiger Woods, Michael Richards and Mel Gibson.

Continue reading “When men refuse to be a real man” »

Dealing with Haiti, loss & grief

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about ways to deal with the grief and tragedy of Haiti, as well as grief and loss in general.

First a quick update:

****Valentine’s Day and personality test – Wondering if your Valentine is the right one? Take the personality test and find out if you are perfectly matched, truly mismatched and which is the most suitable personality type for you: http://patrickwanis.com/WhoAreYouPersonalityTest.asp

**** Helping the helpers – As my way of helping with the Haiti devastation, I have created two special audio programs to help in dealing with fear, anxiety, stress and trauma. By special request, I have designed these audio programs particularly for volunteers, workers, friends and family of people in Haiti who are also experiencing extreme challenges and stress. Of course, anyone can use them to neutralize fear, anxiety and bad memories. I am giving them away. Please help by also spreading the word and forwarding this link. www.patrickwanis.com/Haiti

Now, let’s talk about the tragedy of Haiti and ways to deal with it as well as grief and loss in general.

It is truly hard to imagine the real pain and suffering that the people of Haiti are experiencing right now, particularly in light of the second 6.1 magnitude aftershock this morning. And it is a challenge to escape the traumatic images that fill the radio, Television and internet.

It is also a common reaction that we begin almost immediately asking “Why did a tragedy and disaster of such a magnitude occur? Why did it happen?”

The US Televangelist Pat Robertson shocked and offended many people when he claimed that the earthquake was the result of Haitians forming a pact with the devil to liberate Haiti from France 200 years ago.

  Continue reading “Dealing with loss, grief and Haiti” »

Immunity to criticism

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the power and significance of developing immunity to criticism.

First a quick update:

 **** FOX News – top 10 celebrity meltdowns of 2009 – Watch the interview I gave to Fox News about  the results of what I call the Fame Factor – acts of ego & stupidity and denial, delusions of grandeur & power and entitlement

Now, let’s talk about how to develop immunity to criticism.

Being criticized can be a horrible or even traumatic experience. And constant criticism is a sure fast way of killing the intimacy and love within a relationship, often shattering the recipient’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Criticism and blame lead to contempt, and contempt destroys the relationship.

Criticism is a serious problem for all relationships – familial, romantic and work-based. The fear of criticism causes many people to either freeze-up and do nothing, or to structure their behavior and personality to please and appease the other person. When a person is afraid of being criticized, he or she will take no action, take no risks and will not perform at his or her best. When coaching and training corporations and executives, I teach that a company and business cannot grow unless the employees feel safe to express themselves and to take risks. Of course, most people in the corporate world operate with one thought in mind; “How can I not lose my job?”

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Breaking bad habits

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the six simple steps to end bad habits and cultivate new empowering habits.

First a quick update:

****Emotional Vampires – the interview – Read the detailed interview I gave to the German psychology magazine PM offering more insights into the origins of and how to handle and deal with emotional vampires.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2010/01/06/emotional-vampires-the-interview/

Now, let’s talk about ways to break bad habits.

At the beginning of each and every year, many people follow the custom to make New Year’s resolutions. And most of those resolutions involve ending or breaking bad habits.

The dictionary defines a habit as “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.” Few of us realize that most of our life and its behaviors are run involuntarily. In other words, for most of us, we run on autopilot and most of our behaviors are performed unconsciously. The way you hold a spoon, the way you tie your shoe laces and the way sit are all done at an unconscious level. Try holding the spoon differently or tying your shoe laces in a new way. How does that feel? Probably quite uncomfortable or simply weird or strange. And automatically, you will want to go back to doing it the old way. But that old way was once a new way, and your parents kept pushing you to do it a certain way, until one day you no longer thought about it and it became a program; it became a habit.

And so it is with all of our habits. We learn them and then we resist changing them because it feels uncomfortable to change.

Continue reading “6 steps to breaking bad habits” »