Why we hate women -misogyny

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss misogyny – why do we hate women and why do we allow it to occur?

First a quick update:

****  Charlie Sheen – a misogynist? – Read the transcript of the interview that I gave to a reporter from the NY Daily Mail about Charlie Sheen who was hospitalized after allegedly being high on cocaine, hiring a prostitute and becoming enraged and trashing the suite at the Plaza hotel in New York.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2010/10/27/charlie-sheen-a-misogynist/

Now, let’s talk about women haters, the origins of misogyny and why we give free passes to misogynists and men who commit acts of violence against women.

Charlie Sheen is a famous actor who has become equally famous for his behavior off-screen and on-screen. He has an extensive resume with drugs, prostitutes, violence against women and run-ins with the law. He pleaded guilty to assaulting his wife, Brooke Mueller last Christmas; Charlie Sheen sat on her, strangled her, and held a knife to her throat on Christmas day.  Brooke Mueller, his third wife, told police he had pulled a knife on her and threatened to have her killed; Sheen pleaded guilty to misdemeanor third degree assault. When Charlie Sheen was called to testify in the trial of “Hollywood Madame” Heidi Fleiss, he admitted that he was a frequent customer of Fleiss’ call girl service, spending over 50,000 dollars on the services of prostitutes. And just yesterday, Charlie Sheen was released from hospital after allegedly being high on cocaine, hiring a prostitute and becoming enraged and trashing the suite at the Plaza hotel in New York. No charges were laid.

I told Bill Hutchinson from the NY Daily Mail that Charlie Sheen’s history of mistreating women and patronizing prostitutes are signs of misogyny. When you’re violent toward women that means you have deep-seated rage and anger at women. Further when a man is paying a prostitute, it implies and signifies that he doesn’t respect women; he is lured by his desire for control and power.

But this article is not about Charlie Sheen, it is though, about misogyny. And Charlie Sheen’s behavior is clearly misogynistic. The point is that he continues to get away with it; he was ordered into rehab for assaulting his wife, rather than being sent to jail; CBS renewed his contract for his TV show, “Two and a half men”, paying him 1.7 million dollars an episode.

Meanwhile, while Charlie Sheen continues to be welcomed as the bad boy in society and in Hollywood, Mel Gibson has been cut off – the cast and crew voted against allowing him to appear in film, The Hangover 2. Charlie Sheen was found guilty of assault but there have been no charges against Mel Gibson for allegedly hitting his girlfriend Oksana, and yet, Sheen hasn’t been cut off. Why? Mel Gibson was guilty of making racist remarks and racism is considered a much worse crime, a more evil deed than hitting a woman.

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How to overcome rejection?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the secrets to overcoming rejection.

First a quick update:

**** Why aren’t you good enough? – Most of us subconsciously believe and feel that there is something wrong with us – that we are not good enough. Listen to the interview I gave to Jim Peake of mysuccessgateway.com about “The Law of Deservedness” which I reveal as the single most important law of success – for every area of your life.

http://patrickwanis.com/Law_of_Deservedness.asp

Now, let’s talk about rejection and how to overcome it.

The dictionary defines the act of rejecting as “to refuse to accept, acknowledge, use, or believe; 2. to throw out as useless or worthless; discard; 3. to rebuff (a person.)

Unfortunately, most of us have come to view the experience of being rejected as the belief that we are useless, worthless or simply not good enough. And yes, as I have mentioned in other Success Newsletters, we do all have an emotional need of love and connection; we do want to belong and be accepted and, we do feel alive when we are giving and receiving love. Thus the feeling of being rejected can be devastating.

Before I explain how to handle and overcome rejection, let me point out that there are two types of rejection – romantic and interpersonal. The latter refers to when we feel rejected by peers, friends, colleagues, groups or family. Both forms of rejection can be devastating; some people isolate themselves because they feel rejected and then become extremely sensitive and even paralyzed by fear of further rejection.

Feeling rejected can lead to self-defeating and antisocial behavior:

• Loneliness
• Low self-esteem
• Insecurity
• Aggression
• Depression
• Frustration
• Intense anger
• Despair
• Social withdrawal
• A victim mentality
• Possible desire for revenge

Children who feel rejected respond with social anxiety and exhibit aggressive, disruptive and impulsive behavior. In a study of 15 school shootings between 1995 and 2001, it was found that peer rejection was evident in 13 of those 15 shootings.

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Lessons from Jenny McCarthy

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss lessons that can be gleamed from Jenny McCarthy’s appearance on Oprah and her declaration: “I am the love of my life.”

First a quick update:

****  Stop faking it to win him over – The suggestion to women to manipulate a man by pretending to be everything he wants seems to have been around a long time. Watch the two-part TV interview I gave to Great Day Houston about being fake in order to win him over. “Find Love Fast – part 1”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAJP8PDwLcA&feature=related

Now, let’s talk about lessons from Jenny McCarthy’s appearance on Oprah and why you are not the love of your life.

Jenny McCarthy, author, autism activist and television personality, has just released a book about her lessons from her “disastrous love life and sex stories”: “Love, Lust and Faking It.”

On the Oprah show, Jenny McCarthy spoke about her split after 4 years with comedian and actor, Jim Carrey. She said that their relationship had run its course because it wasn’t fun anymore. “When it’s not fun anymore, you need to start investigating and do an inquiry into the relationship,” Jenny says. “You usually see fights happening a little bit more frequently.”

Yes, you can measure the quality of a relationship by looking at the amount of arguments you are having, and yes, those arguments are a symptom of a deeper problem in the relationship. And while only Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey know of the real issues in their relationship which led to its ending (there are 3 sides to every story – his, hers and the truth), it is fair to respond to the comments Jenny promotes as advice and lessons about relationships.

When Jenny McCarthy promotes the ending of a relationship based on “it’s not fun anymore”, the underlying message is that relationships are meant to be fun all the time and if they become hard work or not fun, then it is time to get out.

This message feeds into the belief that we live in a disposable world and anything that we do not like can be tossed out; it also encourages instant gratification and narcissism i.e. it is all about me, loyalty, devotion and commitment are insignificant and I am not supposed to make any sacrifices. It also goes against the belief that hard work is a good or necessary thing. While this is a fine principle in a fairy tale -“And they lived happily ever after” – it doesn’t apply nor succeed in real life or a committed relationship.�
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Dealing with toxic friends

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the ways to rid yourself of toxic friends.

First a quick update:

****   “Dangers of reconnecting with your Ex on Facebook” – Watch the two-part TV interview I gave to Florida’s The Morning Show about the dangers of reconnecting with your Ex on Facebook; I also offer clear advice about what to do if you disregard the warnings and decide to open the connection again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqOqdvaikjA (Part 1)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GGT_7uEgxE (Part2)

****  Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher – read my comments and insights to Popeater.com about whether or not Demi and Ashton deserve the cheating rumors http://www.popeater.com/2010/09/29/cheating-rumors-demi-moore-ashton-kutcher/

Now, let’s talk about how to clear out the toxic friends in your life.

A few months ago, Lindsay Lohan was spotted carrying around a copy of the book “Toxic Friends: The Antidote for Women Stuck in Complicated Friendships” by Susan Shapiro Barash. Quickly, people began to scoff and criticize Lindsay Lohan as being the toxic friend. However, as I pointed out during a TV interview, it can be our toxic friends that lead us to toxic, dangerous behavior – in this case, Lindsay Lohan’s friends (or parasites) who continually encourage her to party and to do drugs.

But Lindsay Lohan is not alone when it comes to having friends that are toxic, bad influences or are simply destructive or draining (mentally, emotionally, physically, psychically) See my newsletter from June 10, 2009 “Dealing with emotional vampires” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2009/06/10/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/  Susan Shapiro Barash, who teaches gender studies at Marymount Manhattan College, interviewed 200 women of assorted backgrounds and ages, and found that friendships tend to be difficult, draining and sometimes devastating. One of her findings is something I mentioned in my book “What a woman wants” http://patrickwanis.com/WhatAWomanWantsBook.asp – women are often competing with each other. Susan Shapiro Barash reveals that 80% of the women in her study say they are competitive with their female friends. The second key finding from her study is that “women congregate, even if there are undercurrents of envy, jealousy, and competition in the relationships.”

Women move through life in relational terms. A female TV executive recently told me she was surprised by the accuracy of my insights when I told her “a woman’s happiness and sense of fulfillment is almost always determined by the quality of her relationships – romantic, familial, social or business.” A man’s happiness is more often determined by the quantity of his success – job, possessions and money – than it is by relationships. Of course, a failed romantic relationship or divorce can devastate a man as much as it can a woman because he may view himself as a failure or a loser, particularly if he loses the house, savings or other assets.

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