Letting go of this past year and transforming the New Year

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the secret to letting go the past year and creating a powerful New Year.

First a quick update:

**** Miami –South Florida residents – Tonight (7-9 PM, Wednesday December 29, I am presenting “New Year, New You” at The Standard Miami. As a special gift from me to you, if you email Elena, you will get a complimentary pass to the Spa facilities for the day when you come to my program tonight; act fast – email epezzo at standardmiami.com

****  The Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2010 – Read my full article featuring my fourth annual list of The Top Ten Celebrity Meltdowns of 2010 along with my expert insights and analysis into the motivation behind the behaviors. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2010/12/27/the-top-10-celebrity-meltdowns-of-2010-2/

Now, let’s talk about how to let go of the past year and transform the New Year.

As the end of the year arrives, it is natural to feel overwhelmed by a vast array of emotions. Clients have expressed various sentiments to me such as feeling rundown, tired and stressed out because they have been so busy preparing for the festivities; others complained that they are fatigued because they have not taken a real holiday in a very long time; one client expressed excitement for the new year and hopefully a fresh start while yet another new client expressed sadness, regret and shame for the way that this year has turned out for her.

As you look back on this year, what do you feel? How do you view and perceive the past twelve months? Do you feel you achieved what you wanted or do you feel like you failed? It is okay to feel whatever you feel; the danger is if you stay stuck in a negative emotion.

While there will always be regrets for some of our actions or inactions, the key is to learn from those mistakes or behavior, make amends if necessary and focus on new behavior and new strategies. We place such great expectations upon ourselves and others around us and thus, we need to be wary of making harsh judgments about ourselves and others; harsh judgments serve no positive purpose and only create more pain and more negative emotions. If you feel you did something that you now wish you had not, instead of beating yourself up, use the phrase “next time” as a reminder to act differently in the future.

Please understand also that the end of the year is a time of extremely high stress for most people (shopping, parties, family dinners and get-togethers, financial challenges, unmet expectations, loneliness, tense relationships, etc.) Further, we continue to live in times of uncertainty, and even the extreme weather around the world, has placed a lot of additional pressure on many people. Dealing with blizzards, mudslides and floods takes its toll – physically, mentally, financially and emotionally.

Here is a process to let go of the past year and transform the New Year:

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Why did you do this to me? Trying to understand “Why?”

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the answer to the question that often tortures people: “Why did you do this to me?”

First a quick update:

****  Intuitive Eating – Did you know that at takes at least fifteen minutes for your brain to register that your stomach is full? And did you know that new studies reveal that when you diet and thus eat foods that you don’t like, you absorb a lot less of the nutrients? What does it take to become and stay healthy? Michael Pollan wrote in the New York Times Magazine, January 28, 2007: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. That, more or less, is the short answer to the supposedly incredibly complicated and confusing question of what we humans should eat in order to be maximally healthy.” Does that imply that we could or should use our intuition rather than mathematical formulas to guide us to healthy food? In other words, can our body direct us naturally to eat healthy foods that our body needs? And can intuitive eating result in losing weight and being healthy? Listen to my interview and conversation with Jane Bernard, intuition expert and author of the new book, “Maintain, Don’t Gain, 10 Tools for Staying Slim” as we discuss intuitive eating:
http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#IntuitiveEating

****  The Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2010 – watch FOX News channel this Sunday December 26^th at 8:45 AM EST when I will be presenting my fourth annual list of the biggest celebrity meltdowns of the year along with expert analysis and insights into the motivation behind the behaviors.

Now, let’s talk about something that confuses and plagues people – “Why? Why did you do this to me?”

A couple of years ago, Dr. Phil was on the Larry King show and they were discussing human behavior and bad habits. Dr. Phil made a very interesting comment when he told Larry King that he couldn’t truly understand why people do things that they know are bad for them such as smoking, overeating or not exercising. That moment on television stands out because it is indicative and symbolic of an overall lack of understanding about human behavior – even by the so-called experts. When people ask me, “Patrick, what do you do?” I could easily answer with a title but instead I say I help people to change their behavior. I help people to change the way they think and feel so they can change their results.

What does it require to help people change their behavior?

The first required step is to understand why someone is behaving a certain way. And what most therapists, counselors and others fail to recognize is that we are controlled by our subconscious mind – our emotional mind – and not by our logical, conscious mind. We are emotional creatures. We all logically know what the right thing to do is, but our emotions take over and take charge. If we were all logical creatures controlled by will power we would all be eating healthy, exercising and emotionally balanced, free of the past and any negative emotions.

Thus, when Dr. Phil made the comment that he didn’t understand why people engage in certain behaviors, it begs the question: Do most of us have a real understanding of what motivates people? When working with clients, my focus is to seek out the very root cause of the problem. In other words, what is it that’s motivating you to do the things you do? What is it that has motivated you to think the way you think? What is it that motivates you to feel the way you feel or to act the way you act? The answer always relates to an experience, event or programming which thus creates emotions and beliefs about yourself, life and the world around you.

Continue reading “Why did you do this to me?” »

Are you emotionally overwhelmed?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how to indentify when you are emotionally overwhelmed and the ways to overcome it.

First a quick update:

**** Overcoming loneliness – Read my article about how to overcome loneliness around The Holidays – and anytime of the year. I offer tips, strategies and insights to conquer loneliness and to make new friends and connect with people:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2009/12/30/overcoming-loneliness/

Now, let’s talk about how to indentify when you are emotionally overwhelmed and the ways to overcome it.

In the past week, three clients have expressed concern to me over their mental and emotional state. Two of them believed that they were having a nervous breakdown.  The term ‘nervous breakdown’ or “mental breakdown” is not a clinical term but usually refers to a phase that someone experiences which may involve anxiety or depression and it is usually precipitated by external stressors.

A 1996 study by Ralph Swindle, Jr. Kenneth Hellerc, Bernice Pescosolidod and Saeko Kikuzawae – “Responses to nervous breakdowns in America over a 40-year period. Mental health policy implications” – found that problems with intimate relationships, such as divorce and marital separation, contributed to one-quarter of nervous breakdowns while problems at work and school accounted for almost one-fifth of cases of nervous breakdown.

Mark is in his thirties and is recently divorced from his wife of 4 years. For Mark, the pain of divorce was multiplied because he had only recently discovered that his wife had been selling herself as an escort during the day and had been doing so for almost a year. Although, they were financially well off, the divorce almost ruined Mark financially and affected his business as he tried to deal with the emotional turmoil of his life. Mark and his wife have no children and both his parents had passed away at a young age. Now, around the Holidays, Mark truly feels alone.  Mark tells me he can’t sleep, can’t get motivated to do anything, is listless, has lost interest in the things that he used to love doing and is turning to alcohol.

Marianne is married with two children. She enjoys her job and in fact, says “I look forward to getting out of the house and going to the office”; Marianne is extremely unhappy at home. Although she doesn’t fight with her husband, they sleep in separate beds, rarely do anything together and she is deeply resentful and angry towards him because he had an affair over a year ago and she has not yet forgiven him;  although he does want to make amends. Marianne says she is suffering from numerous aches and pains, cries a lot, tosses and turns at night, feels lethargic, helpless and hopeless and “cannot seem to think straight.”

Continue reading “Are you emotionally overwhelmed?” »

The link between stress, negative emotions and your weight

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the link between negative emotions, stress and weight.

First a quick update:

****  Accepting the unacceptable – Read my article about how to overcome the greatest challenge we all face around The Holidays, and possibly the greatest challenge in life – accepting the unacceptable. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2009/12/09/accepting-the-unacceptable/

**** Spirituality versus religion: A recent survey by Lifeway Christian Resources found that 72% of “millennials” (people age 18-29) consider themselves “spiritual” but not “religious” (they do not pray, read the bible or worship.) Watch the TV interview I gave to Nathalia Ortiz of the Catholic Channel where Tim Reidy from America magazine and I debate “spirituality versus religion.”

Now, let’s talk about the link between stress, negative emotions and weight.

This week a TV producer contacted me asking me to share insights with her about the psychological causes of weight and obesity.

I explained to her that most people claim that the reason a person is overweight is because ‘you’re eating too much and you’re not burning enough calories.’ In other words, too many calories in, not enough calories burned out. However, clients have said to me, ‘Look, I’m eating really well; I’ve been to a nutritionist. I’m following the program. I’m on a really strict diet. I’m eating healthy food and I’m exercising daily – doing cardio, focusing on strength, stamina, endurance, and I’m even using weights. So by now, many months later, I should have lost a lot of weight, but I’ve barely lost a few pounds.’ 

Thus, there is something beyond the equation of eat less = lose more.

So based on years of working with clients, I have realized that there are two causes to being overweight. Obviously if you’re eating poorly – lots of fried food and fatty foods, lots of sugar and carbohydrates, then yes, you’ll become overweight or even obese (particularly if you’re not engaging in any exercise and you’re living a sedentary lifestyle – you’re basically sitting down most of the time.) However, the average person who’s not living at that extreme still tends to be overweight because of other emotional reasons.

Ultimately, all issues relating to weight break down to one cause – negative emotions and stress. Of course, the two are tied together. Stress will lead to negative emotions, negative emotions will lead to stress and then that has a physical impact on your body – affecting your metabolism, glandular system and the entire functioning of the human body which then can lead to obesity and a range of other illnesses and diseases.

We don’t deliberately put on weight, but we do subconsciously put on weight for a reason. That means that everything that we do has some added benefit, it has some added bonus. There’s a reason we’re doing that even though we consciously say, ‘Hey, all this extra weight is not healthy for me. I don’t feel good about myself, I don’t have energy, I can’t fit into my clothes, I feel embarrassed etcetera.

So aside from stress, that weight is serving you – in a positive way – at a subconscious level.

I first discovered this many years ago when I was doing stage hypnosis and two women from Houston, Texas asked me to hypnotize them and tell them just to do what they asked – eat less, exercise more.

Continue reading “Stress, negative emotions & your weight” »

Does she laugh with you?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal why laughter & a sense of humor is one of the key components of a healthy relationship.

First a quick update:

****   The Top Nine Tips to Help You Enjoy The Holidays: Listen to the 45-minute interview I give to Jim Peake of MySuccessGateway.com about how to avoid arguments, fights and enjoy the Holidays; click here: http://patrickwanis.com/holidaytips/Packages.asp

Now, let’s talk about laughter & a sense of humor and why it is critical to a successful and healthy relationship.

The 2009 motion picture, “The Ugly Truth” is a romantic comedy that features Katherine Heigl as Abby Richter, a romantically challenged morning show producer whose boss decides to hire a new correspondent to boost the show’s ailing ratings. The new correspondent is Mike Chadway (played by Gerard Butler) who has an extremely chauvinistic approach to relationships and uses his theories to help Abby find love and to try and win over Colin, a hunky man.  Mike Chadway has a simple outlook on relationships and believes that the ugly truth is that sex is the only bond in a relationship for men, they can’t change, and they only respond to women’s looks.

In one scene, Mike (Gerard Butler) and Abby (Katherine Heigl) are sitting in a coffee shop and Mike begins to coach Abby about what men want and what women need to do to win over men:

Mike: Rule number one: never criticize.

Abby: Even if it’s constructive?

Mike: Never. Men are incapable of growth, change or progress.
For men, self-improvement ends at toilet training.
And rule number two: laugh at whatever he says. 

Abby: What if what he says isn’t funny?

Mike: That’s irrelevant.
A fake laugh is like a fake orgasm.

Abby: A fake orgasm is good?

Mike: No, but a fake orgasm is better than no orgasm at all.

Abby: A fake orgasm is no orgasm.

Mike: Only to you. You’re not the only person in the room, you know. Let’s not be selfish.

(Abby laughs and Mike is struck by the sound of her laughter.)

Mike: Now, that was perfect. You have a perfect laugh. Real or fake?

Abby: You’ll never know.

(Mike raises an eyebrow and is suitably impressed.)

Mike continues with more rules and yes, throughout the film there are numerous flaws in Mike’s theories about relationships as it is revealed that his chauvinism is motivated by a fear of becoming vulnerable and a fear of revealing his true self; Mike uses sex as a wall, as protection from being hurt and from falling in love. For example, Mike’s third rule is that men don’t want to hear the woman’s problems and they don’t care but, Mike does care about Abby and her problems.

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