How we create liars

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the way we create liars, starting with our children.

First a quick update:

****  “How A Self-Help Guru Brainwashed 3 People To Their Death” – Read my article published on HeadDrama.com:

http://headdrama.com/article/life/41486/9136/how-self-help-guru-brainwashed-3-people-their-death

****  Stop apologizing for anti-gay remarks – Read my press release about the harm that comes from fake apologies: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/stop-apologizing-for-anti-gay-remarks/

****  Is Jennifer Aniston turning into Angelina Jolie? – Read my quotes and insights in the FOX News article:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/06/28/tattoos-man-stealing-is-jennifer-aniston-turning-into-angelina-jolie/

Now, lets’ talk about the way we create liars and insincere people, starting with our children.

There has been a recent spate of anti-gay remarks by celebrities:

Singer Chris Brown called a group of photographers “gay” when he got angry believing they had reported his illegally parked car; actor and comedian Tracy Morgan suggested during one of his comedy shows that he would take a knife to his son if he found out he was gay; singer Cee Lo Green attacked a music critic via Twitter saying “I’m guessing ur gay? and my masculinity offended u?” (Cee Lo wasn’t aware at the time that the music critic was actually a woman and not a man) and; basketball star Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for making a gay slur against a referee during a game.

To add to the list of controversial remarks, actor Russell Crowe Tweeted “circumcision is barbaric and stupid” even though he argued he was Tweeting in jest to a Jewish friend.

What do all of these people have in common other than bias, bigoted or controversial remarks?

First, they were all speaking what they truly felt and second, they all quickly apologized for their initial remarks.

Continue reading “How we create liars” »

Stress and ego can kill you

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss stress and ego, and reveal how they can kill you.

First a quick update:

****  “Success quitting smoking & losing weight with hypnosis” - Read the success story of a woman aged 50 who used my hypnosis audios and stopped smoking in less than 2 weeks, lost 14 pounds and raised her self-esteem feeling in control of body and life: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/success-story-becoming-smoke-free/

****  Resources for conquering stress – Here is a list of all of the articles I have written offering tips, techniques, insights and strategies for ways to overcome stress: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/list-of-articles-on-overcoming-stress/

Now, lets’ talk about stress and ego, and how they can kill you.

This week, John Cafferty from CNN posed a question online: Why is America becoming nastier? Cafferty was referring to polls that show 85% of Americans think politics has become increasingly uncivil; 86% say they have been treated uncivilly recently – most commonly while driving or shopping and 60% say they themselves have been rude to someone else.

While bloggers gave many reasons for the apparent nastiness, a theme appeared referring to anger, stress and frustration over hardships and the current state of the US – socially, economically and politically.

The American Medical Association cites stress as a factor in more than 75% of sickness today and the World Health Organization claims stress is America’s number one health problem. Stress contributes to heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes, and other illnesses. Dr. Paul Rosch, Medical Scientist and Stress Expert says “Stress is taking a terrible toll on the nation’s health and economy. It is a heavy contributor to heart disease, cancer, respiratory distress, lupus and many other life threatening illnesses.”

Stress contributes to the development of alcoholism, obesity, suicide, drug addiction, cigarette addiction, and other harmful and self-destructive behaviors. One common symptom of stress is anti-social behavior – the nastiness, rudeness and lack of civility we see so often.

Continue reading “Stress and ego can kill you” »

Cheating – what men really want

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss cheating and what men really want.

First a quick update:

****  The new cheating – online: Watch the TV interview I gave to Australia’s The Morning Show about social media and online cheating and about the clashing perceptions of cheating. E.g. women view emotional infidelity as worse, not better, than sexual betrayal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjOgBOFHAiI

****  Easily caught with their pants down – read my quotes and insights about cheating and why powerful men cheat with powerless, submissive women in the article by Judith Ireland in the Australian newspaper – The Canberra Times:
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/news/opinion/editorial/general/easily-caught-with-their-pants-down/2192265.aspx

Now, lets’ talk about cheating and what men really want.

The 2003 romantic comedy film, “Love Actually” follows a series of love stories of various people – some related and carefully interwoven. The movie covers every aspect of love – from unrequited love and betrayal to mourning and forgiveness; from redemption and deep romance to childhood love and secrets; from obligation and devotion to brotherly love and loneliness.

In the movie, Alan Rickman plays Harry – a father and CEO of a successful business. His young and beautiful secretary, Mia (played by Heike Makatsch) begins to make passes and romantic gestures to her boss Harry. His wife, Karen played by Emma Thompson accidentally discovers what is happening and in a scene at the end of their children’s Christmas musical, Karen confronts Harry.

Karen

Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do?

Harry

What position is that?

Karen

Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace;

And come Christmas, gave it to somebody else.

Harry

Oh, Karen

Karen
Would you wait around to find out…

Would you wait around to find out if it’s just a necklace;

Or if it’s sex and a necklace;

Or if, worst of all, it’s a necklace and love?

Would you stay? Knowing life would always be a little bit worse?

Or would you cut and run?

Harry

Oh, God.

I am so in the wrong.

A classic fool.

Karen

Yes, but you’ve also made a fool out of me.

You’ve made the life I lead foolish, too.

This one scene and story in the film reveals so much about cheating and betrayal. While Harry admits he is a fool for his actions, he would probably argue (just like the US Congressman Anthony Weiner who sent out lewd photos of himself to a few of his Twitter followers), that he never had any physical relations with Mia and so therefore he wasn’t cheating.

Meanwhile, Harry’s wife is most fearful not about the sex but the meaning of the necklace; could Harry’s actions be motivated by an emotional connection, by love for Mia?

Continue reading “Cheating – what men really want” »

You can’t have it all

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss and dispel the myth that you can have it all.

First a quick update:

**** Weiner is another example of men who marry up but cheat down – Read my insights and quotes to the NY Daily News about why powerful men cheat with powerless women: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/07/2011-06-07_docs_weiner_did_it_for_thrills.html

****  Men and women view cheating differently. Read my press release about the clashing perceptions of cheating. E.g. women view emotional infidelity as worse, not better, than sexual betrayal:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/men-and-women-view-cheating-differently/

****  Men cheating – Watch and listen to the various interviews I will be giving about men cheating and the motivations:

TV: The Morning Show Australia Thursday 9:35 AM Aussie time
KXNT Las Vegas Radio with Alan Stock Monday June 13, 3:30 PM Pacific Time
Playboy Radio with Tiffany Granath Monday June 13 at noon

Now, lets’ talk about the myth that you can have it all and the pressure that creates.

In 2005, Jada Pinkett Smith (married to actor & singer Will Smith) was honored as the Artist of the Year by the Harvard University Foundation for being a “distinguished actress, producer, singer, and humanitarian.”

“Don’t let anybody define who you are,” Jada Pinkett Smith tells the audience.

“Don’t let them put you in a box. Don’t be afraid to break whatever ceiling anybody has put on you.”

In spite of a tough childhood with teenage parents who were both heroin addicts, Pinkett Smith is triumphant:

“I can stand here on this stage and say that I’ve proven them all wrong.”

“Women, you can have it all – a loving man, devoted husband, loving children, a fabulous career… They say you gotta choose. Nah, nah, nah. We are a new generation of women. We got to set a new standard of rules around here. You can do whatever it is you want. All you have to do is want it.”

“To my men, open your mind, open your eyes to new ideas. Be open.”

Some people criticized Pinkett Smith for excluding lesbians when she said women can have it all with a man; others criticized her for saying she excluded the need for action when she said all you need to do to achieve your goals is to have desire. But simply telling women that you don’t have to choose – you can have it all is the belief and the war cry by many of today’s women – they want it all: a strong, successful man who will love and provide for them; an interesting and challenging career; life’s luxuries – the nice home, the vacation, the freedom to travel and lots of material goodies; the healthy body and time to go to yoga or spinning class; to be a mom and have children and; a man who will put them first, have time for them, be devoted and as romantic and infatuated with them as when they were first courting.

Accordingly, there are many successful career women in their thirties and older who are single but unhappy – they want it all – and won’t accept anything else.

Is it possible, though, to truly have it all?

It is in the fairy tales when the Prince rescues the damsel in distress and they live happily ever after. But we never get to see the “ever after.” We don’t see how they both must devote time and energy to the children, the bills, the daily work, the struggles, the mental and emotional issues, the insecurities or even the unexpected – the natural tragedies or illness.

Continue reading “You can’t have it all” »

Who made you who you are today?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explore the question “Who made you who you are?” and how that relates to your career and talents.

First a quick update:

****  Men who marry up but cheat down – Read my insights into why powerful men cheat with powerless women – the new phenomenon I have identified: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/men-who-marry-up-but-cheat-down/

****  What are the most important questions to ask yourself before going into the dating world? – Read my article and response to the above question posed to me. One key point I make is to remember that we always bring along to a date and relationship our entire self! http://www.datingsite.org/blog/2011/top-relationship-experts/#patrick

Now, lets’ talk about who made you who you are and how that impacts your career and talents.

“Lie to Me” is an American television drama series about the world’s greatest deception expert, Dr. Cal Lightman (played by Tim Roth.) With the help of his colleague Dr. Gillian Foster (Kelli Williams), Dr. Lightman detects deception by observing body language and facial micro-expressions through the Facial Action Coding System. With these talents Cal Lightman and his group solve crimes, prevent crimes and even save lives. The character is based on Paul Ekman, a US psychologist and expert on body language and facial expressions.

In an episode in season one; Cal Lightman is arguing with his protégé Ria Torres (Monica Raymund.) She has a natural gift for reading people. But her own personal pain and past stand in the way of her work and she doesn’t believe that a violent gang leader who was responsible for the death of a policeman can change. Lightman sees the change in the former gang leader by reading his actions, expressions and verbal responses. Torres, finally, is shocked when the former gang leader is released from prison and she witnesses for herself that he has changed; the former killer has transformed now into someone who has compassion and kindness in his heart; someone who regrets his actions and wants to help young people.

CAL LIGHTMAN

I’m sorry about before. (Ria raises her eyebrows at him) Sometimes I see so much, I don’t know how not to tell people.

RIA TORRES

Yeah, I get that.

CAL LIGHTMAN

You’re right; most people don’t change. Right? I’ve been there, waiting for it, hoping for it, and then they just… don’t.

(Ria takes an unsteady breath.)

CAL LIGHTMAN

But there are a few, I think, who can.

RIA TORRES

Any other life lessons?

CAL LIGHTMAN

(leans forward in his chair)

When someone… bashes you around, who’s twice your size, just whenever he feels like it, you learn to read emotions pretty fast. We adapt to survive. Your abuse made you a natural. He made you what you are.

RIA TORRES

(takes another unsteady breath)

Well, I’ll be sure to thank him.

(Cal laughs and sits back in his chair)

RIA TORRES

So what about you?

CAL LIGHTMAN

Nah, I’m not a natural. I had to learn this.

RIA TORRES

Why did you want to learn? What, you all of a sudden became obsessed with facial expressions? (she reads his face) I didn’t think so. So who was it? Who made you who you are?

Lightman’s experiences motivated him to want to learn to be able to read people while Torres’ experiences forced her to quickly learn how to read people.

Who made you who you are or who motivated you to become who you are?

Continue reading “Who made you who you are today?” »