Depression in men

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the symptoms of depression in men and what you can do about them.

First a quick update:

****  “Dating – Are STDs a deal breaker?” –  Read my quotes in the article in Men’s Health about how to approach dating when you have STDs: http://blogs.menshealth.com/health-headlines/smooth-navigator/2011/06/01

Now, lets’ talk about depression in men, how to identify it and what do to about it.

According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, women suffer from depression more than men, and women suffer more than men from frequent mental distress. Women report feeling stressed, depressed, or having problems with their emotions fourteen or more days out of the month.

A nationwide survey of one million adults found the prevalence of adults who reported poor mental health on 14 or more days in a month increased from 8.4 percent in 1993 to 10.1 percent in 2001.  And in the latest data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) – 2005-2006, women suffer from depression almost twice as much as men.

However, depression in men is much more dangerous than in women, because most men ignore it, deny it or respond to it with high-risk behavior.

• Men are 15 times more likely than women to go to prison, more likely to be obese, alcoholic and unemployed
• Men account for 80% of all suicides in the US
• The male suicide rate at midlife triples and then increases seven fold for men over 65
• 60-80% of depressed adults never get professional help
• Depression in men is often not properly diagnosed. According to Jed Diamond in his book, “Male Menopause”, it can take up to ten years and three health professionals to properly diagnose depression.

Unfortunately, depression is often viewed as a medical condition (a mental illness – a chemical imbalance in the brain, an organic neurological disorder) rather than the result of mental and emotional factors – stress, life changes, loss of meaning and purpose and being mentally & emotionally overwhelmed which, in turn, creates physical symptoms.

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Sticks and stones

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how a few words during childhood can seriously damage a person.

First a quick update:

****  CNN – “Casey Anthony and the case for forgiveness” –  Read my article on CNN along with over 2.000 comments: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/16/my-take-casey-anthony-and-the-challenge-of-forgiveness/

****  Coaches, therapists and hypnotists -  If you feel held back and want to learn and use a technique that guarantees bigger, better faster results for your clients, for which you can charge more per session, generate more clients and more business, and create more freedom for you, take my course – you can learn at your own pace – http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/srtt-st.asp

Now, lets’ talk about the power of words, particularly as it applies to children.

You might recall the phrase and chant, a common rhyme in the school play yard, “Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.”

The intention behind that mantra which, dates back to 1894, was to strengthen us and to try and create a wall around us so that we would not be hurt or negatively impacted by nasty or hurtful words by bullies and other children. Time and experience proves that mantra to be false; words do harm and they can leave an emotional wound that is deeper and longer-lasting than the pain or injury of sticks and stones. In fact, words spoken to a child are even more potent than words spoken to an adult.

Billy was seven when his father walked out on the family. Billy was the only child. Very soon, Billy’s uncle took him aside and said to him “Billy, from now on, you are the man of the house.”

This is a common occurrence: the spoken words and expectation that when the father is no longer living with the family (the result of separation, divorce or death) the boy is expected to take over dad’s role and be the “man of the house.”

But words take on a literal role for a child. Billy played the role of the man and mom expected him to be a man – fulfilling her mental and emotional needs. Billy was expected to be strong, to support mom emotionally and at the youngest age possible, around 12, he began to work during summer to make some extra money for him and his mom.

Believing that he was now the man of the house, the leader, Billy felt it was his role and responsibility to make mom happy and to take care of her. While the problem might seem obvious, the results and effect on Billy were not at the time those simple words were spoken. Billy was no longer allowed to be a little boy, to receive nurturing, love and protection; he had to take care of mom, instead of mom taking care of him. He was now expected to play the role of adult and be responsible for taking care of and protecting mom. Billy missed out on the fun of being a child and he grew up full of guilt for mom’s life – she was unhappy, unfulfilled, depressed and never dated another man after her husband walked out. Billy grew up feeling that he had to play the role of rescuer and savior to other women, he didn’t know how to let other women love and support him, and he found it hard to break free from the emotional connection with his mother.

Continue reading “Sticks and stones” »

Can you forgive Casey?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about rage, anger, revenge and forgiveness, and the connection to Casey Anthony.

First a quick update:

**** From the archives – the Law of Deservedness – Watch the interview I gave to Harrison Klein of The Masters’ Gathering about the power of our subconscious beliefs; you can never be successful or happy if you don’t believe you deserve it.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgZFPLQ-K-c

**** Counselors, coaches, therapists -  Learn and use the therapeutic technique that guarantees bigger, better faster results for your clients, for which you can charge more per session and generate more clients and more business – http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/srtt-st.asp

Now, lets’ talk about anger, revenge, justice and forgiveness, and the connection to Casey Anthony.

If you live outside of the US, you might not have heard about Casey Anthony, a young mother, 25, who three years ago was charged with the murder of her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee. A jury acquitted Casey Anthony of the charges.

The Casey trial became the most publicized trial in the US since O.J. Simpson was charged and acquitted of the murder of his wife in 1995. The Casey Anthony trial was labeled as “the social media trial of the century”, and with the constant claim by many TV show hosts that Casey was guilty, many people, too, decided Casey was guilty and were subsequently outraged by the verdict. While the justice system prides itself on “innocent until proven guilty”, the US is one of the few countries where people can express their opinions in public while a trial is on. Accordingly, the jury for Casey Anthony was sequestered to prevent jurors from being affected or influenced by media coverage and opinion.

The jury concluded that they were unconvinced by the evidence that Casey murdered her daughter and were not even certain that a murder was committed. “We don’t know the cause of death,” the jury foreman told ABC news. “Everything was speculation.”

The justice system is designed to prevent, punish and rehabilitate. But now Casey has been acquitted, and many people remain full of rage and anger, seeking revenge and claiming they want justice.

So does the anger, revenge, bitterness help bring back Caylee? What positive purpose might it serve?

When we feel injured we respond or react automatically with anger; when someone hurts us, we automatically want to hurt that person back. As a result of the constant media coverage, opinions and editorials, many people, particularly mothers and women, felt a personal connection to the Casey Anthony case and are now angry believing that Casey is a murderer and she got away with it. The original motivation for justice has turned into revenge with harassment of jurors and death threats to Casey.

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What’s your red flag?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how to avoid pain and disasters and instead enjoy dating and an amazing relationship by identifying your red flags.

First a quick update:

****  Why did so many people become so emotionally attached to the Casey Anthony verdict? Read my insights on HeadDrama.com:
http://headdrama.com/article/life/18/9217/the-casey-anthony-case-and-the-search-closure

****  If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em – why is Jennifer Aniston copying Angelina Jolie’s bad ways? Read my article published on HeadDrama.com:
http://headdrama.com/article/play/41146/9155/when-did-jennfer-aniston-become-the-bad-girl

****  Why do college girls date older men? Read my quotes in the article on HerCampus.com: http://www.hercampus.com/love/what-older-guys-really-think-about-dating-college-girls?page=show

Now, lets’ talk about red flags in dating and relationships.

If you have ever been to the beach, then you recognize the significance of the lifeguard’s red flag warning you of danger in the ocean and advising you to stay out of the water; warning you in advance about a danger that may possibly not be obvious or apparent to you.

In life, there are many times that we wish we could have been warned in advance or we wish we had taken notice early on of what should have been an obvious red flag.

In 2005, I was on FOX News warning women about the need to identify the red flags that scream “it’s time to dump him.” While all red flags can be summed up as: When you feel low, worthless or unhappy when you are with him and when you are convinced that he will never change, the number one red flag is any form of abuse – mental, physical, sexual or emotional. FOX News labeled me “a voice for women.”

So, if red flags are the deal breakers in relationships, what is it that you know you could never accept in a partner?

Awareness is the key.

Most people have no idea what their red flag or deal breaker is until it is too late and they are miserable in a relationship.

How can you avoid the pain and disaster? How can you avoid the question that only appears when it is too late: “What was I thinking?”

Three women in their twenties decided to offer the solution.

Continue reading “What’s your red flag?” »