Lessons from Joe Paterno

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the one critical lesson that we can all learn from the passing of Joe Paterno – one of the greatest football coaches whose legacy has been marred by his admission of insufficient efforts to prevent alleged child abuse.

First a quick update:

**** Twitter updates – Follow me on Twitter – follow me and have access to regular insights and revelations and the link to my weekly newsletter as soon as it is published – Twitter: @Behavior_Expert

**** Self-help scams and greed: The self-help movement is no longer about liberating people but rather having consumers and followers surrender themselves and their money to the leaders of a movement who are now more interested in helping themselves to money and power than they are in helping individuals to actually liberate and empower themselves. Listen to the interview I gave to Laurel Morales of National Public Radio: http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#selfhelpscams

Now, let’s talk about the critical lesson from Joe Paterno – one of the greatest football coaches in the US whose legacy has been marred by his admission of insufficient efforts to prevent alleged child abuse.

For people outside the US, Joe Paterno is a legendary Penn State University ex-football coach who died this past Sunday of lung cancer at 85 years of age. Paterno had a profound impact on thousands of lives: he had 409 career victories (a Football Bowl Subdivision record) and he coached the Penn State Nittany Lions for 46 years. But Paterno was also recognized as a great and honorable man – a father figure to many of his players.

But Paterno’s image was tarnished by a sex abuse scandal linked to Penn State.

In 2011, Penn State’s former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky was charged 52 criminal counts for sexually molesting young boys over a 15-year period. (1994 – 2009) and school administrators were criticized for knowing about the allegations but doing nothing. Sandusky has pleaded not guilty and Penn State legendary football coach Joe Paterno was fired for failing to take more action; Jerry Sandusky was Joe Paterno’s most trusted assistant for the majority of three decades.

Paterno went on to admit that he felt guilty that he had not done more to prevent the alleged abuse.

In my article “Penn State – false gods, anger and morality” I reveal three key lessons for all of us including 1. We need to use courage and anger to protect victims 2. There is a difference between “Legal obligation versus moral obligation: Do what is right.” When we see a wrong, we need to do something about it.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/penn-state-false-gods-anger-morality/

And this leads to the greatest lesson for all of us from Joe Paterno’s experiences and life.

Yes, Joe Paterno was the winningest coach in Division I college football – FBS. Yes, he was recognized as a great father and husband.

And yes, we expected more from him.

But what did we expect?

Continue reading “Lessons from Joe Paterno” »

What women look for in a man

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the controversial topic of what women look for in a man, particularly now that women are becoming more successful and independent.

First a quick update:

**** “America’s decline – morality & celebrities” – “This country is in a mess…it is going down the tubes. People are lost…People are giving up” says media personality, journalist and show host, May Lee. She says Americans could learn a lot from the Asian work ethic and morality. Listen to the interview I gave to May Lee about the breakdown in morality and the rewarding of bad celebrity behavior: New York Governor Elliot Spitzer was exposed in a prostitution scandal and he later went on to host a show on CNN; Ashley Alexandra Dupré – prostitute to Spitzer was rewarded with a column in the New York Post and Lindsay Lohan continues to be celebrated despite being sentenced to jail five times in four years. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#americasdecline

****  New Year Resolutions that work: Read my tips and quotes in the MSN article by Brienne Walsh: http://glo.msn.com/relationships/new-years-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep-7690.gallery

Now, let’s talk about the controversial topic of what women look for in a man, particularly now that women are becoming more successful and independent.

OWN is Oprah’s new cable TV outlet. In a recent discussion of programming needs, OWN executives stated that they were looking for “FEMALE driven stories where women are taking on what are received as men’s roles/worlds.” And that is exactly what is happening today as more and more women are becoming empowered and successful – they are taking on traditionally male roles.

In 2005, CBS news interviewed me to discuss the new woman, “The Millennium Woman” and her impact on men. A study of 1,000 women across the US, revealed that there are two key types of women: the Nouveau woman -the “Sex and the City” type, who creates equal partnerships with men and demands “me” time and the Neotraditionalist that prefers traditional gender roles, motherhood and “we” time. The Neotraditionalist is primarily about family and friends.

Based on the findings of the study, the new woman is confident, self-indulgent, highly concerned about her health and beauty and would be happy to be on her own without a life partner. (Read more in my article “When she just doesn’t get it”

http://patrickwanis.com/blog/when-she-doesnt-get-it/

And watch the TV interview I gave to CBS news here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4QYWTHoxXI )

However, women have become even more powerful in the seven years since that study. In my article “Women are taking over” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/women-are-taking-over/, I reveal that

• There are more women in the US workforce than men

• More women are attending and graduating college than men (in the US, UK and Australia)

• Churches are opening up to allow women to lead, preach and teach as ministers, pastors and reverends

• Women are becoming a greater force in politics

• Men are progressively being viewed as unnecessary as more women opt to raise children without a father

• Men are being portrayed in television shows and sitcoms as buffoons, simpletons and weak, helpless idiots who cannot survive without the wife who is smarter, more grounded and the boss. (Read my article “How stupid are men” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/how-stupid-are-men/

• The modern woman is being idealized as the independent, free, successful, sexually open woman who seeks a purpose greater than serving a man and;

• Women account for 85% of all consumer purchases

So where does that leave men? If women are becoming so powerful and independent, what do women look for in a man today?

Read More – What women look for in a man

Stress shrinks your brain

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss a new study that reveals how constant battering from stressful events actually shrinks the brain and can lead to addiction, depression, loss of impulse control and diabetes.

First a quick update:

**** Resolve to please yourself:  Studies indicate more than 80 percent of Americans don’t keep New Year’s resolutions. So why do we bother? Read my quotes and insights in the Tampa Bay News about “the one resolution people should set, and it will make all other goals possible.” http://www.tampabay.com/news/humaninterest/resolve-to-please-yourself/1207976

****  New Year aids – Read these various articles for help and insights into creating the New Year that you want.

• 7 steps to Breaking bad habits – http://patrickwanis.com/blog/breaking-bad-habits/
• Insights into New Year’s resolutions – http://patrickwanis.com/blog/be-a-warrior-forget-new-years-resolutions-2/
• Finding balance -: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/the-most-powerful-resolution-for-2009/
• Letting go of the past and transforming the New Year - http://patrickwanis.com/blog/letting-go-of-this-past-year-and-transforming-the-new-year/

Now, let’s talk about the new study that reveals how cumulative adversity and stress actually shrink the brain and can lead to addiction, depression, loss of impulse control and diabetes.

It is accurate to say that almost every one of us is faced with tremendous stress and stressors on a daily basis. And some of those stressors such as death, disease, illness, accidents and job loss are unavoidable. But the real danger occurs when we have high stress on a daily basis – chronic stress – and then we are hit with adversity such as death, illness, divorce or a job loss. The chronic stress has already made us vulnerable to the major life events as we are not able to handle them and a part of brain loses volume – yes, shrinks. And, in turn, that part of the brain which is no longer functioning properly can cause depression, a loss of self-control (inability to control our impulses), addiction, anxiety and diabetes. And the more stress that faces you, both chronic and major, the worse the effect is.

The above is the finding of a study led by Dr. Rajita Sinha, a professor of psychiatry and neurobiology at Yale University School of Medicine and director of the Yale Stress Center.

Continue reading “Stress shrinks your brain” »

Finding your voice and speaking up

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the New Year, finding your voice, speaking up and establishing conditions and ultimatums before a business, personal or romantic relationship begins.

First a quick update:

****  From addiction to sober fun – Watch the interviews at Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center where I explore the meaning and definition of Sober Fun http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXPa30fcsDY

****  FOX News Channel – watch my the interview I gave to FOX News channel – The Top 5 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2011:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB0pG5Jg68o

Now, let’s talk about the New Year, finding your voice, speaking up and establishing conditions and ultimatums before a business, personal or romantic relationship begins.

At the beginning of every New Year, it is almost customary to seek out new beginnings and to seek out change. Accordingly, the New Year can be an opportune time to review old habits which don’t work and begin new strategies.

Also read my article “Breaking bad habits” – http://patrickwanis.com/blog/breaking-bad-habits/

One challenge that most people have is harnessing the ability, power and confidence to speak up and state their needs. As discussed in my article “Ultimatums and reverse ultimatums”, an ultimatum (a threat to take specific action or face the consequences) is usually given during a relationship as a last resort by one of the partners (“Marry me or else I will…)  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/ultimatums-reverse-ultimatums-in-relationships/

While ultimatums are necessary when a person’s life or health is in danger, in most cases, ultimatums fail and the person issued with the ultimatum continues on in his/her comfort zone and with his/her habits or the relationship simply ends. Either way, the relationship has not improved, not evolved and not moved forward or to the next level.

The key to finding your voice, speaking up and getting what you need is to do so at the beginning of the relationship, and in some cases, before it even begins. This principle applies to all forms of relationships – personal, social, business and romantic.

Recently, a friend of mine was sharing with me her experience over the years with roommates when she was looking to rent out a room. She found that most people would respond to her ad and tell her what she wanted to hear and then, once they were in the apartment, they would try to change the terms in an unspoken manner – via their behavior. This can be referred to as the Unspoken Ultimatum – the new roommate by his/her behavior says ‘this is what I am going to do and you must accept it or else you don’t get pain and yo must throw me out.’ Of course, the existing roommate can also do the same thing – engaging in an Unspoken Ultimatum.

Continue reading “Finding your voice and speaking up” »