Taming the male

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss taming the male and the new film “Think Like a Man.”

First a quick update:

****  Hope – the greatest drug known to mankind – In a new series of video interviews that chronicle leaders and developments in the addiction recovery world presented by Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center, I interview Stan McKnight, Interventionist, Certified Addictions Therapist and Admissions Director of The Palms Detox Center in West Palm, Florida, about medical detox for addiction, the significance of sleep and why he is renowned for being able to reach the toughest patient. Stan also reveals that addicts are always looking for a loophole about why they shouldn’t be getting better and says that the best insurance to prevent a user from relapsing is to help someone else. Watch what Stan (The Hope Dealer) says about the difference between denial and asking for help – how the ego gets in the way – and how he was once using alcohol to curb his fears. http://youtu.be/0TbfUyF2S7s

Now, let’s talk about taming the male and the new film “Think Like a Man.”

Grossing over $33 million dollars for its opening, “Think Like a Man” became the number one film at the US box office this past weekend. The romantic comedy tells the story of four women who are tired of failing in the dating scene and so they start to follow Steve Harvey’s advice to “act like a lady and think like a man.” But when the men realize that they are being manipulated, they turn the tables to teach their women a lesson.

Both the critics and the public generally find the movie to be hysterically funny; and it is – Kevin Hart who plays Cedric steals the show as a highly physical and witty comic. Of course, as expected with most Hollywood films, it features stereotypes where the women appear to be manipulating, nagging, controlling, pushy, long-term planners and the men act immaturely, evade and lie to get everything they want.

The movie covers all of the expected ‘types’: The Player, The Mama’s Boy, The Non-Committer, The Dreamer,  “The Woman Who is Her Own Man,” The Single Mom, and The 90-Day-Rule Girl.

Steve Harvey’s main point (the same one as The Rules book from 1995) is that women have to expect more from the arrested-development crowd; “If he hasn’t asked you to marry him, it’s because you haven’t required him to do so” says Steve Harvey in the movie. And he does briefly address the new trend of women settling on careers and moving up the ladder while men cling to childhood longer.

Kristen, the Ring Girl (played by Gabrielle Union) tosses out all the fanboy and fratboy collectibles belonging to her boyfriend of nine years, Jeremy, the Non-Committer (played by Jerry Ferrara.) Accordingly, she is seen as successful in forcing him to become who she wants him to be and to propose to her. In fact, each of the men in the film are portrayed as immature, bumbling types who only grow up and realize their potential with the help of their respective woman. Three of the male characters in the film almost immediately transform their former failing careers into success and new businesses with the help of their respective new female partner.

And thus, the message of the film that all of the critics and reviewers missed is:

Men will fail and will remain as eternal immature men unless women intervene and help them to mature, grow and realize their potential; the woman’s job and purpose is to tame the male.

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How much are you worth and do you deserve?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the link between your subconscious beliefs about your level of worthiness & deservedness and your reality.

First a quick update:

****  Compassion for addicts? – In a new series of video interviews that chronicle leaders and developments in the addiction recovery world presented by Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center, I interview Jason Thomas, Admissions Coordinator for Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center about the unique ways that Milestones helped him to achieve sobriety and become a better father. Jason had been through three other treatment centers before Milestones and says that Milestones’ warm, soft approach of kindness and genuineness helped him to face the truth about himself that he previously wasn’t willing to see. Jason also reveals how he found the door to freedom when he finally felt that he no longer had to hide from anyone and especially not from himself. http://youtu.be/2CQdQbx4Yfw

****  Lady Gaga and self-acceptance – She promotes self love when she sings “There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are” and “I’m beautiful in my way ’cause God makes no mistakes” but does Lady Gaga really accept herself and her body or does she fear rejection and is giving into the public’s expectations of her? Read my comments in the Fox News article:  http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/04/16/experts-call-lady-gaga-controversial-diet-tweets-hypocritical-and-cary/

Now, let’s talk about your worthiness; how much are you worth? How much do you deserve?

How much do you charge for your services? How much do you think you deserve to be paid or to receive? Why do some people feel happy and comfortable to charge high fees while others feel guilty charging or receiving anything at all?

Here is an excerpt from my book, “Smash your hidden beliefs – make more money now”:

Why do you deserve money? What makes you so special that you deserve money?

How did you feel and respond when you read the above two questions?

Re-read them now: Why do you deserve money? What makes you so special that you deserve money?

What do you believe it takes to make money, to hold onto money, to enjoy money? What makes you worthy of money and how much are you worth?

Let’s find out.

Let’s begin by writing out the answer to the question: Why do you deserve money?

Please don’t write this from your head. It’s critical to the success of the exercise to get into your feelings, your emotions. Thus, close your eyes and just relax and ask yourself, “Why do I deserve money?”

Write down whatever answer that comes to your mind. “Why do I deserve money?”  If your first answer is “Because I work hard” then I can almost guarantee that you saw your parents work hard to get money, and so do you know what’s going to happen to your world and reality? You’re going to be working really hard to make money. But this is how we uncover the beliefs. We have to start at this point and answer fully from the subconscious mind: “Why do I deserve money? Your answers will reveal what you feel about yourself, your sense of self-worth and value.

If you have low self-esteem, low self-value then that is what you will attract into your life: low value results, little money, crappy feelings.

Your outer world will reflect what you believe you are worth.

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Listen to me! – talkative people

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal insights into people who talk incessantly, defensively or simply can’t listen and yet demand that you listen to them.

First a quick update:

****  How codependent people sabotage and enable addicts – In a new series of video interviews that chronicle leaders and developments in the addiction recovery world presented by Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center, I interview John Stenzel, CEO and Executive Director of The Bridge to Recovery, about codependency, trauma, process addictions (compulsive caretaking, misery, workaholism, perfectionism, spending, etc) and chronic addiction relapse. John Stenzel reveals that The Bridge to Recovery deals with compounded traumas and behaviors that began in childhood (or are trans-generational) and that freedom occurs by getting to the root of the emotions that drive the behavior and dealing with those deeper emotions. Watch what John Stenzel says about codependency being more debilitating than drugs and alcohol combined and; why it is critical to treat the family of an addict. http://youtu.be/Y3nMGPnqALU

Now, let’s talk about people who talk incessantly, defensively or simply can’t listen.

Recently some friends of mine, a married couple were visiting and they were talking to another friend Jim, when suddenly, I noticed that they were literally talking at the same time. Jim would ask a question and the husband and wife would both answer, sometimes talking over each other, and other times just jumping in as if the other person didn’t even exist. It didn’t matter who was asked the question or who first answered the question, they would both attempt to answer or to tell the story – sometimes speaking for each other. It was as if they couldn’t hear each other and simply wanted Jim or anyone to listen and hear them individually.  And when the husband spoke or gave an opinion on a topic, he did so defensively, angrily and sometimes defiantly, almost as if he was trying to sell something or convince someone of his opinion and intelligence.

An observer might respond that this married couple is rude or that they don’t respect each other but, as I will reveal in a moment, rudeness or a lack of respect is not the real motivation here.

Meanwhile, in another instance, I was having a meeting when I noticed a similar occurrence with Julietta. She seemed to be talking incessantly as well as justifying herself in almost every moment. She was always excited in the way she spoke and yet she was also defensive and desperate to be heard. An observer might claim that Julietta is selfish, self-absorbed or worse, narcissistic. But again, this is not the real motivation or explanation.

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What’s your money personality?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the four money personalities; which one are you?

First a quick update:

****  Addiction denial — the addict and the family all need help – In a new series of video interviews that chronicle leaders and developments in the addiction recovery world presented by Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center, I interview Pat Moomey, an addiction interventionist and life coach (with 28 years experience intervening to help people and families suffering from addiction), about how an intervention works. Pat Moomey reveals how she convinces people (who are in denial) that they need help; watch what Pat Moomey says about the entire family being in denial. Watch here: http://youtu.be/Fg3C-hVCmjY

Now, let’s talk about the four money personalities and their significance. Which one are you?

One of the top two causes of divorce is arguments over clashing values and beliefs about money. When entering marriage or relationship, few people stop and sit down to ponder what their values and deep, hidden beliefs are about money and sex.

Here is an excerpt from my book, “Smash your hidden beliefs – make more money now”:

A few years ago, a 20/20 TV investigative documentary set out to determine some of the values that people have regarding money. It identified that people can be divided into four money types or personalities:

1. Spender
2. Avoider
3. Saver
4. Money monk

The Avoider runs away from money, runs away from all financial responsibility, doesn’t want to think about taxes, doesn’t want to think about bills.

The Saver wants to save up money for the rainy day. Did you notice what I just wrote?  Save money for the rainy day. Where did I get that phrase from? If you know that expression, you got it from the same place – from your parents. You probably heard them say, “You’ve got to save money for a rainy day.” What is that teaching you? Expect problems, expect failure, expect disaster, expect misery, and so you better not spend that money. You better keep preparing for that day because it’s going to come.

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