Archive for the ‘Blogroll’ Category

Is there anything good about men?

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014
Is there anything good about men  Roy F Baumeister

Is there anything good about men? (photo: The Three Stooges)

This is the text and transcript of a presentation by Florida State University psychology professor Roy F. Baumeister to the American Psychological Association in San Francisco, August 24, 2007. You can also read his book “Is There Anything Good About Men?: How Cultures Flourish by Exploiting Men” published in 2010.

 

You’re probably thinking that a talk called “Is there anything good about men” will be a short talk! Recent writings have not had much good to say about men. Titles like Men Are Not Cost Effective speak for themselves. Maureen Dowd’s book was called Are Men Necessary? and although she never gave an explicit answer, anyone reading the book knows her answer was no. Louann Brizendine’s book, The Female Brain, introduces itself by saying, “Men, get ready to experience brain envy.” Imagine a book advertising itself by saying that women will soon be envying the superior male brain!

Nor are these isolated examples. Alice Eagly’s research has compiled mountains of data on the stereotypes people have about men and women, which the researchers summarized as “The WAW effect.” WAW  stands for “Women Are Wonderful.” Both men and women hold much more favorable views of women than of men. Almost everybody likes women better than men. I certainly do.

My purpose in this talk is not to try to balance this out by praising men, though along the way I will have various positive things to say about both genders. The question of whether there’s anything good about men is only my point of departure. The tentative title of the book I’m writing is “How culture exploits men,” but even that for me is the lead-in to grand questions about how culture shapes action. In that context, what’s good about men means what men are good for, from the perspective of the system.

Hence this is not about the “battle of the sexes,” and in fact I think one unfortunate legacy of feminism has been the idea that men and women are basically enemies. I shall suggest, instead, that most often men and women have been partners, supporting each other rather than exploiting or manipulating each other.

Nor is this about trying to argue that men should be regarded as victims. I detest the whole idea of competing to be victims. And I’m certainly not denying that culture has exploited women. But rather than seeing culture as patriarchy, which is to say a conspiracy by men to exploit women, I think it’s more accurate to understand culture (e.g., a country, a religion) as an abstract system that competes against rival systems — and that uses both men and women, often in different ways, to advance its cause.

Also I think it’s best to avoid value judgments as much as possible. They have made discussion of gender politics very difficult and sensitive, thereby warping the play of ideas. I have no conclusions to present about what’s good or bad or how the world should change. In fact my own theory is built around tradeoffs, so that whenever there is something good it is tied to something else that is bad, and they balance out.

I don’t want to be on anybody’s side. Gender warriors please go home.

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14 Tips for conflict resolution

Friday, September 12th, 2014
14 tips for conflict resolution

14 tips for conflict resolution


14 Tips for Conflict Resolution by Patrick Wanis PhD www.patrickwanis.com

 

1. Set objectives for the discussion i.e. state clearly what you want to resolve. Be clear within yourself about your needs.

 

2. Notice what you are feeling. If you are angry, separate yourself from the situation and take time to calm down. You cannot resolve an issue when your emotions are intense.

 

3. Address the problem, not the person. Began by thanking the person for being open to addressing the issue with you. Include a sincere compliment.

 

4. Communicate your feelings assertively, not aggressively. Express them without blaming. When you blame, you create resistance in the other person, he/she shuts down, and therefore he/she stops listening or hearing you.

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List of 336 human emotions

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

 list of 336 human emotions

List of 336 human emotions by Patrick Wanis PhD www.patrickwanis.com
     
Abandoned Abashed Abused
Aching Admiring Adoring
Adrift Affectionate Affronted
Afraid Aggravated Aglow
Ailing Alarmed Alienated
Alone Ambivalent Anger
Anguished Annoyed Antagonistic
Anxious Apart Apologetic
Appalled Appreciative Apprehensive
Ardent Ashamed Attached
Attentive Awful Awkward
     
Baffled Barren Bashful
Beaten Befuddled Belittled
Belligerent Bewildered Bitter
Black Blah Bleak
Bleeding Blemished Blotched
Blue Blurred Blushing
Broken Bugged Buoyant
Burned up    
     
Careful Caring Cautious
Chagrined Chaotic Chastened
Cheapened Cheerful Cheerless
Cherishing Companionless Compassionate
Confounded Confused Confusion
Considerate Contented Contrite
Cool Crabby Cranky
Crazy about Crestfallen Crippled
Criticized Crushed Culpable
Cut off    
     
  www.patrickwanis.com  
Damaged Defeated Defensive
Deficient Degraded Dejected
Delighted Delinquent Demeaned
Demoralized Depraved Depreciated
Depressed Depression Deserted
Desolate Desperate Despondent
Destroyed Detached Devalued
Devastated Devoted Disappointed
Discarded Disconcerted Discouraged
Discredited Disgraced Dismal
Dismayed Disordered Disorganized
Dispirited Disquieted Distant
Distracted Distressed Disturbed
Dizzy Dopey Doting
Down Downcast Downhearted
Dry    
     
Ebullient Ecstatic Elated
Elevated Embarrassed Empty
Energetic Enraged Enthusiastic
Estranged Euphoric Evil
Exasperated Excited Excluded
Exhilarated Exposed  
     
False Fear Fearful
Fed up Feeble Fervent
Fidgety Fine Finished
Flawed Flustered Flustered
Foggy Fond Fond of
Forsaken Fretful Friendly
Frightened Frustrated Fuming
Funk Furious  
     
Galled Genial Glad
Gleeful Gloomy Glum
Goose-bumpy Gratified Grieved
Grim Grim Grouchy
Guilty    
     
  www.patrickwanis.com  
Happiness Happy Heated
Helpless Hesitant Hopeless
Horrified Hostile Huggy
Humble Humiliated Hurt
     
Idolizing Ill-tempered Impaired
Impatient Imperfect Impotent
In despair In high spirits Inadequateness
Incapable Incensed Incompetent
Incomplete Indignant Ineffective
Inept Infatuated Inferior
Infuriated Injured Insignificant
Insulated Intense Interested in
Intimidated Invalid Irate
Irked Irritated Isolated
     
Jovial Judged Jumpy
     
Keen Kind Kind-hearted
     
Lacking Lame Left out
Leftover Let down Light
Light-hearted Like Lively
Loneliness Lonely Lost
Loving Low  
     
Maligned Marooned Marred
Meager Meek Melancholy
Merry Miffed Minimized
Miserable Misled Mistaken
Mistreated Misunderstood Mixed up
Mocked Moody Morose
Mortified Neglected Nervous
Not good enough    
     
Offended Oppressed Ostracized
Outcast Outraged Overjoyed
Overwhelmed    
    Panicky
Paralyzed Partial Passionate
Penitent Perplexed Petrified
Petulant Pleasant Pleased
Powerless Provoked Punished
Puny Put away Put down
Puzzled    
  www.patrickwanis.com  
Rattled Ratty Reeling
Regretful Rejected Reluctant
Remorse Remorseful Remote
Repentant Resentful Respecting
Ridiculed Riding high Rotten
Rueful Ruined  
     
Satisfied Scared Scorned
Seething Separate Serene
Shaky Shamed Shamefaced
Shocked Shook up Shunned
Shy Sinful Skittish
Small Soft on Somber
Sore Sorrowful Sorry
Sparkling Speechless Spineless
Spiteful Stabbed Startled
Storming Strong Stumped
Stunned Subdued Substandard
Sullen Sunny Sympathetic
     
Taken-aback Taut Tearful
Tender Tense Tenuous
Terrified Terror-stricken Testy
Thoughtful Threatened Thrilled
Thrown Thunderstruck Ticked off
Tickled pink Timid Tiny
Tolerant Tortured Touched
Trapped Troubled Truculent
Trusting Turned on  
     
  www.patrickwanis.com  
Uncertain Uncherished Uncomfortable
Unconvincing Undecided Undeserving
Uneasy Unhappy Unimportant
Unsettled Unsure Unsure
Unsure Up Upset
Uptight Used Useless
     
Vengeful Vibrant Vindictive
     
Warm toward Warm-hearted Washed up
Watchful Weak Weepy
Whipped Wicked Wild
Wild about Wired Wishful
Withdrawn Woeful Worried
Worshipful Worthless Wounded
Wrecked Wrong  
     
Yielding    
     
Zealous Zero Zippy
  www.patrickwanis.com  

 

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What Ferguson could have learned from Nelson Mandela

Tuesday, August 26th, 2014
What Ferguson could learn from Nelson Mandela.

What Ferguson could learn from Nelson Mandela.


“…blood is crying from the ground, crying for vengeance, crying for justice.”

 

This is the call by Pastor Charles Ewing, an uncle of Michael Brown, a black man who was killed by a white policeman in Ferguson, Missouri.

 

Like many activists and speakers connected to the protests, church services and even the eulogy for Michael Brown, the calls to action have been for vengeance and to make Michael Brown a martyr – a trigger for potentially more race riots and cries of racial injustice.

 

“No peace. Do not talk about peace. Give us weapons.”

 

This is the call by a mother who lost her child.

 

But it is not the call of Michael Brown’s mother.

 

It was the call during Apartheid in South Africa made to Nelson Mandela soon after his release from 27 years in prison.

 

There, the black people had suffered extraordinary injustices at the hands of the white ruling government.

 

Like Al Sharpton or any other activists who claim leadership over the black community, Nelson Mandela who was their true recognized leader, had to respond.

 

“There is only one way forward and that is peace.

I know that is not what you want to hear, but there is no other way.

I am your leader. I am going to tell you always when you are wrong. And I tell you now, you are wrong!

…I have lost 27 years in prison…I have forgiven them.”

 

Nelson Mandela didn’t puff up his chest or call for more anger.

 

He turned away from his own wife, Winnie Mandela who remained angry and continued to promote and fuel more anger and violence against the whites and each other. Winnie Mandela endorsed “necklacing” – burning people alive using tires and gasoline: “With our boxes of matches and our necklaces we shall liberate this country.”

 

The blacks were killing the blacks – even burning them alive.

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Gene Simmons says to depressed people “F..k you, kill yourself”

Friday, August 15th, 2014
Gene Simmons: Depressed people, alcoholics and drug addicts should kill themselves

Gene Simmons: Depressed people, alcoholics and drug addicts should kill themselves

Robin Williams tragically took his own life on Monday August 11, 2014, and statistics now reveal that for the first time  in the US, suicide is the leading cause of death by injury surpassing car accident deaths,

 

So why would a rock icon suggest that people who are depressed should kill themselves and that alcoholics and drug addicts “sees themselves as a victim”?

 

Here’s what Gene Simmons of KISS told Roger Carlin of Songfacts.com just a few days before Robin Williams (who admitted he was an alcoholic) killed himself:

 

“No, I don’t get along with anybody who’s a drug addict and has a dark cloud over their head and sees themselves as a victim. Drug addicts and alcoholics are always: “The world is a harsh place.” My mother was in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. I don’t want to hear fuck all about “the world as a harsh place.” She gets up every day, smells the roses and loves life. And for a putz, 20-year-old kid to say, “I’m depressed, I live in Seattle.” Fuck you, then kill yourself.

I never understand, because I always call them on their bluff. I’m the guy who says ‘Jump!’ when there’s a guy on top of a building who says, “That’s it, I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to jump.”

Are you kidding? Why are you announcing it? Shut the fuck up, have some dignity and jump! You’ve got the crowd.”

Should people who are victims of violence, living in Israel and Gaza and whom are depressed also kill themselves? Should returning US servicemen suffering from PTSD and depression also kill themselves? Should a woman who was raped and is now depressed and suiicidal go ahead and kill herself? Should all alcoholics and drug addicts everywhere kill themselves?

 

What would Gene Simmons say to parents of children who have committed suicide because of depression?

 

What would Gene Simmons say if he were to learn that Robin Williams had read Simmons’ comments days before taking his own life?

 

In response to Gene Simmons words, Triple M radio network in Australia has banned and removed all KISS songs from their playlist nationwide and appealed to other radio stations in Australia and the US to do the same and ban Kiss’ songs.

 

“Depression and suicide are not topics he should be using to further his notoriety or sell records. His desperation to use mental health issues to find relevancy in a modern age is sickening.”
-       Mike Fitzpatrick, Group Content Director Triple M Network, Australia. Mike Fitzpatrick also called Gene Simmons a “dickhead”  

Mötley Crüe bassist Nikki Sixx slammed Simmons on his radio show, Sixx Sense:

 

“It’s pretty moronic because [Simmons] thinks everybody listens to him, that he is the God of Thunder. He will tell you he is the greatest man on earth, and to be honest with you, I like Gene. But in this situation, I don’t like Gene. I don’t like Gene’s words…There is a 20-year-old kid out there who is a Kiss fan and reads this and goes, ‘You know what? He’s right. I should just kill myself.’For people who are depressed, there is a way out. There are many, many ways out. And I don’t want people to listen to an interview from a rock star, who’s telling you the only way out is out.”

Australia, similar to the USA, has a tragically high suicide rate, with suicide killing three times more Australian males aged between 15 and 45 than all car accidents combined. What would Gene Simmons say to the families and loved ones of these people who committed suicide?

 

IN AUSTRALIA: If you are concerned about your own emotional wellbeing, are experiencing a personal crisis or are concerned about someone else, contact Beyond Blue at www.beyondblue.org.au or 1300 22 4636

 

IN THE US: Call National Suicide Prevention line – 1-800-273-8255

 

 

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Prejudice & racism have no color or political lines

Thursday, July 31st, 2014
Racism prejudice have no color or poltiical lines

Justin Bieber, Mark Cuban, Cliven Bundy, Donald Sterling and V.Stiviano. What do they all have in common?

The Puyallup Tribe which owns Emerald Queen Casino in Tacoma cancels two of rocker Ted Nugent’s shows because of racist remarks such as calling President Obama “subhuman mongrel.”

 

Rancher Cliven Bundy says African Americans were “better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life.” 

 

A video catches a 15-year old Justin Bieber making a racist joke; another video exposes the woman who recorded Donald Sterling’s racist remarks, V. Stiviano making racist jokes herself – but about African Americans.

 

African history reveals that the warring black tribes of Wolofs and Mandinkas sold off their captives to the European slave traders.

 

And so it seems prejudice, bias and racism have no color!

 

In fact, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, Mark Cuban said the same thing when he spoke of his own prejudices – fear of the black man in the hoodie and the white bald man with tattoos. Cuban was referring to class distinction, personal safety and stereotypes.

 

British actor Gary Oldman says we are all hypocrites because we have all said racist things:
“I don’t know about Mel [Gibson.] He got drunk and said a few things, but we’ve all said those things. We’re all fucking hypocrites. That’s what I think about it. The policeman who arrested him has never used the word n—– or that fucking Jew? I’m being brutally honest here. It’s the hypocrisy of it that drives me crazy.”

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Celebrity issues No. 20 – Real issues – childhood & pre-fame issues

Monday, June 23rd, 2014
Celebrity issues No. 20 - Real issues – childhood & pre-fame issues

“Marriage brought up all the kind of things I pushed to the back-burner – the fear, the mistrust, the doubts, and the insecurities.” – Jennifer Aniston

Here is the final issue, No. 20 of the Top 20 issues of being a celebrity. For the previous article, for issues No. 18 and 19 click here.

 

20. “My real issue…” – Uncovering the core issues prior to becoming a celebrity

Every one of us has issues that were created during our childhood; something our parents (caretakers) did or didn’t do; something that resulted in painful emotions that we haven’t yet released along with disempowering subconscious beliefs that affect the way we view and interact with the people and world around us.

 

Just because you are famous and a celebrity doesn’t mean that those emotions and beliefs have magically disappeared or will magically disappear.

 

In other words, aside of the challenges that are the result of being famous (as explained above), like everybody else, your unique experiences and upbringing have combined to make you who you are and have created your perspectives. Of course, with the right help, they can be changed!

 

 

“He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself. I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, ‘I’m just gonna go crazy on him one day.’ … I hate him to this day.”
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Celebrity issues No. 18, 19 – Cognitive dissonance and no one understands me

Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
Celebrity issues 18, 19  Cognitive dissonance and no one understands me

“Celebrity took a while for me to understand. I had to mature. I had to understand that being a celebrity was my new reality, I couldn’t avoid it” – Paul Michael Glaser (right) – Starsky & Hutch

Here are issues No. 18 & 19 of the Top 20 issues of being a celebrity. For the previous article, for issue No. 17, click here.

 

 

18. “I am so conflicted” – Cognitive Dissonance

Given the complexities of the life and phenomenon of a being celebrity, it is not surprising or unusual that every celebrity will experience extraordinary mental and emotional conflicts if not Cognitive Dissonance.

 

Cognitive Dissonance is the mental and emotional stress that is created when there are two contradictory thoughts, both of which you accept to be true.

 

Here are just a few of the contradictory thoughts:

 

  • I love fame/I hate fame
  • I am great/I am an impostor
  • My fans love me/Everyone uses me
  • I can do whatever I want/I am a product and everyone owns me
  • I have no privacy/I am all alone
  • I want everyone to see me & know me/I want to be left alone
  • Fame is equivalent to worthiness/fame is meaningless

 

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Celebrity issues No. 17 – Fraud and the impostor syndrome

Wednesday, June 11th, 2014
Celebrity issues No. 17 – Fraud and the impostor syndrome

“The questions I was running from were: ‘Is this success all a fluke? Had I been fooling everybody so far? Will I get caught?’” – Charlie Sheen

Here is issue No. 17 of the Top 20 issues of being a celebrity. For the previous article, for issue No. 16, click here.

 

 

17. “I am a fraud. They’re going to find out the truth about me” – Impostor Syndrome

This is the one issue that is common to everybody!

 

Everybody!

 

It doesn’t matter who you are, how famous, powerful, rich, successful, intelligent, educated or beautiful you might be; we all subconsciously doubt ourselves and question our value, believing that we are not good enough – we are impostors!

 

“I’d begun drinking all the time. We shot in New York City, so I’d be out to the bars every night till 3 or 4 a.m., then try to show up for a 6 o’clock call to stand toe to toe with Michael Douglas and handle 50% of a scene…The questions I was running from were: ‘Is this success all a fluke? Had I been fooling everybody so far? Will I get caught?’ It was easy to get hammered and messed up. But in doing so, I buried my self-respect, I buried my self-esteem, I buried my creative drive, and I damned near buried myself.”
-       Charlie Sheen, 1987, talking about the filming of “Wall St” and his challenges believing in himself and his value.  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/are-you-an-impostor/

 

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Celebrity issues No. 16 – Lack of responsibility & accountability, destruction of core values

Sunday, June 1st, 2014
Celebrity issues No. 16 - Lack of responsibility & accountability, destruction of core values

“The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated.” – Tiger Woods

Here is issue No. 16 of the Top 20 issues of celebrities. For the previous article, for issue No. 15, click here.

 

 

16. “Everyone else will take care of it” – Lack of responsibility & accountability, and destruction of core values

It is true: when you are a celebrity, everyone around you will ‘take care of it’; they will take care of the problems – as long as it still benefits and profits them to do so.

 

When you say or do the wrong thing, the publicists, attorneys and managers will all move into place and do what they need to do to get you off the charges, appease the media & public and protect the brand. They will make contributions to the right charity; they will speak to the right judges; they will make the offer that others won’t refuse, and they will draft your statements – all with the sole intention to rid you of your ‘sins’ and ensure that you are still loved by the public and Hollywood i.e. so you won’t lose your massive sponsorship deals or be tossed out of the Riviera Country Club which cost you $300,000 membership.

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