Has Ricky Martin really accepted his homosexuality?

Has Ricky Martin really accepted his homosexuality

Has Ricky Martin really accepted his homosexuality?

The following is a transcript of a newspaper reporter interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. for insights and analysis about Ricky Martin who sat down with Oprah for the first time to talk about his life since publicly coming out of the closet earlier this year and telling the world he is a fortunate homosexual man. And now Ricky Martin is also revealing more of his personal life in a new book called “Me.” But is Ricky really okay now with his homosexuality or is he still trying to get other people’s approval and acceptance?

Reporter: As you know, Ricky Martin came out sometime ago, but now he has come back to appear on TV shows and give interviews and I would like to know what do you think of his behavior, how is he handling his career, if he is doing it right or doing it wrong? What is your point of view about it?

Patrick: Well, I think that he waited for the right time because today is the right time for people to come out and say “I am coming out.”

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: If he had done it when he was at the very top of his career, when he was singing La Vida Loca it would not have worked for him because back then, he was a big sex symbol for women; women were crazy for him.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: But if he had come out 10 or 15 years ago when he made his breakout in the Latin and the American market, that would have hurt his career a lot but he waited for the right time and I think now is probably the best time because the issue of homosexuality and acceptance is a big issue in America. Obviously it is around the world, but it’s particularly big in America. His home is here in Miami. And this is where homosexuality has been and is a big issue, and there has been a lot of events in the news about bullying and anti-gay behavior; whether it has been about beating up gay people or there has been bullying of gay people. So now the issue is at its height, and so now is the right time. I think also Ricky was waiting for another reason to say look, I also want to tell the world because I have two sons and I want to be honest in front of them and I want to be truthful. I don’t want to lie anymore.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: But, when you are coming out to tell the world, you are also asking for the world to accept you.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: If I don’t care what you think, then I don’t have to tell you who I am.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: If I want you to approve of me and if I want you to like me and if I want you to accept me, then I’m going to try and explain myself.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: So I say that the timing is good for Ricky but we must also understand there is still a part of him that would like acceptance and approval from the public. It’s not just for him that he did this; it’s not just for his kids; he did it because he wants everyone to still like him and if you watch the video clip of him on Oprah, when she says something along the lines of you’ve been keeping it secret for a long time, he moves his face down a little bit. He blinks his eyes as if there’s a moment of shame and regret.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: And almost shame and regret that he has kept it secret for so long.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: And then he also says to her, oh, I was okay with my homosexuality before I told the world but if you watch his body language, that’s not true. He wasn’t okay. [0:05:00] I don’t think he’s fully okay yet.

Reporter: Yes. Why do you think that?

Patrick: For a number of reasons. Because if you’ve been having to hide it for so long, it means that you haven’t accepted it. I also felt that one of the reasons he wants to tell the world is because he wants the world to say, “That’s okay, Ricky. We still like you. We still approve of you.” I also feel that many people regardless of their background, whether they’re white American, whether they’re black, whether they’re Latin, still have a major problem with accepting their own homosexuality.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: So, it takes a lot of work, sometimes a lot of counseling and therapy, for people to say, “I am okay. I accept who I am and it doesn’t matter what the world thinks.”

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: And what I’m talking about applies to everything, not just whether we’re gay but many of us are not good and comfortable with accepting who we are.

Reporter: Yes. Do you think that at some point, he has been like trained for the answers about how to talk about these topics, his kids and everything?

Patrick: I don’t think he’s being trained at all. I think that he wanted to come out and be sincere. Obviously, he has publicists and managers and agents.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: I felt that he probably has discussed it very carefully with his people as to ‘what is the best thing I can say. What is the best reason or excuse I can give for why I’m coming out now?’ And maybe it is true that one of the reasons he also wanted to come out now was because he wants to raise his children with the truth.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: And not to hide, and instead to teach them to be honest, and to be proud of who they are but I’m sure that he has had a little bit of guidance but I don’t think he has been that carefully-trained because I, as a Human Behavior Expert and as a Body Language Expert, could still tell what he was really feeling.

Reporter: Yes. And finally, what do you think when someone like him, who is so popular and famous, do you think he was under the pressure of something like many people were saying that maybe there were some pictures or some other stuff as the reason and motivation that he came out instead of a personal choice?

Patrick: I don’t think that Ricky was ever afraid that any photo, any secret photos would come out or that people would find out if he has a boyfriend or he doesn’t have a boyfriend because Ricky is a very private person.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: So I know some people who are very close to him and I had to talk to one of my friends say to him, “Look, Ricky is definitely gay,” and my friend said, “No, no, he’s just very quiet. He’s very shy.” I said ‘No. He is quiet. He is shy. But if you’re going to his house and there are no women, then he is definitely gay.’

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: ‘Because he’s a handsome, young, sexy, popular guy and if he is inviting you to his house on your own and there’s no girls there, then there’s a good chance he’s gay’, but I don’t believe that Ricky did it because he was afraid that someone was going to expose him. I think Ricky did it because he is looking for inner peace.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: You see, when I want you to approve of me and to accept me, I want you to do that so that I can approve and accept myself.

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: So Ricky did it now because he is trying to approve and accept himself and we are all trying to do the same thing whether we are straight or whether we are gay.

Reporter: Maybe it’s a part of a therapy, psychological therapy or something like that also.

Patrick: Well, most of my clients are ultimately trying to accept themselves and they’re trying to get to the place – in fact, what I help them to do is to get to the place of believing and understanding and realizing that they are good enough, that they are okay, that “You are worthy. You are special. There is nothing wrong with you.” Every one of us has a subconscious belief that “I’m not good enough. There’s something wrong with me. It was my fault. I am to blame. I don’t deserve love.”

Reporter: Yes.

Patrick: They’re all the same issues for almost every client I have whether that client is a celebrity, a CEO of a huge company or whether that person is gay or whether that person is a housewife. We all have the same issue, what I call [0:10:00] self-doubt, insecurity, and not thinking that we are good enough.

I think another key point to make here is that Ricky Martin’s new book. “Me” has also probably been very therapeutic for him – a catharsis maybe, and a way to help him to truly accept himself. But again, the very need and desire to publish a book revealing to the world the details of his relationships with the men and women in his life and with his unknown boyfriend, reveals and reflects that there is still a part of him that needed to the world’s acceptance as well as the need to explain to and maybe justify to the world his homosexuality.
Reporter: Great. You don’t have any idea how helpful you have been for me. I really appreciate your time. It’s really a pleasure to have the chance to talk to you because I have seen you with some shows and work in some places and I say, “Well, this is a great job. I think it’s very nice and you’re very helpful with everyone.”

Patrick: Well, thank you. It’s my pleasure.

Reporter: Yes. Well, thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

Patrick: It’s my pleasure. Take care.

Reporter: Bye.

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4 Responses to “Has Ricky Martin really accepted his homosexuality?”

  1. [...] « Has Ricky Martin really accepted his homosexuality? [...]

  2. Kris says:

    As a gay man, who happens to also be a performer. I can relate to the need to want approval as a performer. This is a need most performers have..approval. Gay or not this is the need. Perhaps former rejections intensifies this need but i’m sure there’s a touch of this need in all people who perform or are in the public eye consistently.

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  3. Dear Kris,

    thank you for your insights and personal experience. And yes, I also believe that almost every performer needs approval, which is often the reason they become performers if not also for the attention and feedback on their work. We all struggle with the issue of approval – and we all need some level of approval from others, but, when we fully depend on external approval we lose all of our power and become helpless victims to other people’s whims.

    All the best,
    Patrick

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