In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explore one of our automatic responses when someone cheats or betrays us: blaming ourselves and thinking “it’s my fault.”

First a quick update:

·         Narcissism and “Generation Me”: Listen to my hour-long controversial interview from last year with Professor Jean Twenge from San Diego State University as we discuss and debate narcissism, self-love and self-esteem http://patrickwanis.com/selflove

Now, let’s talk about cheating, betrayal and self-blame.

From my audio book: “Secrets to Getting Over It” (available next week on my website – patrickwanis.com)

“I was once in a relationship where my then girlfriend lied, betrayed, deceived, and cheated on me. Without going into all the details of the relationship, it’s suffice to say that what she did was to cheat on me and do her best to cover it up and to actually lie and deceive me. Unlike the situation with Paul and Jill, where one could argue there were specific triggers, there were no triggers in my situation. There was nothing directly leading to the betrayal which then leaves me wondering why this happened.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss lessons of success from US President Barrack Obama’s Inaugural address and its link and references to today’s narcissism.

First a quick update:

·         The Top 5 Things Women Look For In a Man: In a recent online survey, females identified the top 5 characteristics that they seek in their perfect man. What are they, why are they so important to women and how can a woman quickly and easily identify them in a man? Read the article I wrote for date.com and matchmaker.com.at my blog:     www.patrickwanis.com/blog

Now, let’s talk about lessons of success from US President Obama’s speech.

Probably the most famous words of any US President were uttered by John F. Kennedy during his Inaugural address on January 20, 1961:

“And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.”

In the 21^st century, the Inaugural address by US President Barrack Obama echoed those words and highlighted the need for a call to values, principles and service to others. What most political pundits, commentators and experts missed was the real message Obama gave.

Let me explain.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to present the third in my series of lifestyle success principles for New Year’s resolutions and goals: The biggest mistake men make.

First a quick update:

·         Getting rid of emotional baggage: Read the article for MSN and Match.com where I answer five key questions about how to get over it, to get over an ex. http://patrickwanis.com/blog

·         Questions: I receive many emails with specific questions and time prevents me from answering all of them. I kindly request that you post your questions on my blog so that when I do answer them it can also assist other readers seeking answers to the same question. http://patrickwanis.com/blog

Now, let’s talk about more success strategies for the New Year.

In the first of this series, I explained that the extremes are dangerous and it is balance in life (equilibrium) that leads to inner peace; balance in all areas of our lives: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. In my second letter of this series, I revealed the significance and power of validating yourself. When you recognize your own talents, gifts, abilities, hard work, contributions, self-worth, etc, then you no longer desperately keep seeking it from others. And in keeping with the theme of balance, I also suggested that we all be aware of our own actions to ensure we are validating other people in our lives.  

Now, I would like to explain the connection between balance and the biggest mistake men make.

I have various male clients who have built highly successful careers and have become excellent providers for their family. However, they have turned to me because their marriage is falling apart or drying up.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to present the second in my series of lifestyle success principles for New Year’s resolutions and goals: Validate yourself.

First a quick update:

·         Newly posted radio interviews: “The Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2008” – Russ Morley show on News/Talk 850 WFTL; “Surviving the Holidays” – Diana Falzone “Cosmolicious” show on Sirius XM Cosmo radio. The interview with Diana contains timeless suggestions and strategies for how to get along with the family. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp

·          Body language insights. Watch the E! TV “10 Most Inappropriate Makeout Moments of Celebrities” where I reveal the hidden subconscious message and communication of what is really going on in celeb relationships via photos of the celebrity couples. E! TV Friday January 9, 2009 10:30 PM EST

Now, let’s talk about success strategies for the New Year.

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I explained that too much of anything is bad for you, be it over-eating, over-working, over-exercising, over-thinking, etc. In other words, the extremes are dangerous and it is balance in life (equilibrium) that leads to inner peace. I also outlined that we need balance in all areas of our lives as well as balance within each of those areas or realms: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. We cannot just try to experience life in any one realm; we need equilibrium in all four.

The same principle of balance applies to validation.

Javier was experiencing martial trouble with his second wife complaining that he is much too needy. When speaking with Javier’s wife, I ascertained that what she was referring to was not his requests for them to spend more time together or go away on vacations without their three kids, but rather, that she believes that he constantly seeks her validation. Thus, her complaints refer to his sense of insecurity and desperate pleas to confirm his value as an individual, a father and a husband.

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