In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss a new university study which exposes the dangers of positive thinking and affirmations, actually lowering self-esteem; I also reveal the solution.

First a quick update:

• “Online dating booming” – While many businesses are hurting, collapsing and folding, online dating is booming and it is the third largest producer of revenue out of websites. Why? Is it not a paradox that at a time when it is hard to afford fancy dinners and gifts, more people are seeking out dates and partners? Are people just seeking out social support and companionship? Is online dating a way to overcome anxiety and grief? Have people’s priorities changed? Do more people seek out a partner when times are tough? And how has the recession positively benefitted men in the dating world? Read the transcript of the comprehensive interview I gave to Jessica Belasco, Reporter for the San Antonio Express-News and Houston Chronicle.  

Now, let’s talk about the dangers of positive thinking and affirmations.

In the nineteen-eighties, the self-help movement saw its rise to popularity. One of its pillars was Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s book from 1952 “The Power of Positive Thinking.” Subsequently, a huge movement began emphasizing positive statements and positive affirmations as a powerful and transformational response to low self-esteem, depression and other mental and emotional ailments. A secondary movement, “The Law of Attraction” focused on the power of affirmations to create a new reality and to get whatever you desire in life – to manifest things.

Over the years, many people have contacted me to complain that they do positive affirmations on a daily basis and their results have not changed and they still feel depressed or suffering from low self-esteem.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about one of life’s greatest challenges and the secret to happiness.

First a quick update:

• “Liars, cheaters &  adulterers – the politicians” – Read the long list I compiled of the prominent scandals and cheating of US politicians dating back to 1974.

• “Correction” –I wish to correct the name of the magazine whose cause I am promoting: “It’s All In The Journey” – a recovery magazine that printed my article on “Emotional Vampires” (www.itsallinthejourney.com) They are auctioning an original Jim Warren painting on eBay (ART category) with proceeds donated to Joy’s House – a new sober house for women in Miami (www.joyshouse.info) Jim Warren is the famous painter who did the cover to Bob Seger’s “Against the Wind” album. So if you love art and want to help a worthy cause please bid for this painting on eBay. 

Now, let’s talk about the secret to happiness.

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I shared with you the Gestalt prayer – a short statement that is often touted as an ideal way to live life. I pointed out that the magic in that prayer relates to expectations:

“I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine.”

The Gestalt prayer promotes the teaching that we could find greater peace and better relationships if we could learn to accept ourselves and others, rather than always trying, demanding and expecting the other person to be who we want them to be – no matter who that person is – a wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son, boss, friend or employee.

The opposite of expectation is acceptance – acceptance of “what is”, right now.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss one of the most dangerous habits almost every single one of us has and how it destroys our lives, relationships and happiness.  

First a quick update:

• “Giving back” - Recently, “It’s All In The Journey” recovery magazine printed my article on “Emotional Vampires” and I would like to further support their cause. They are auctioning an original Jim Warren painting on eBay (ART category) with proceeds donated to girls in Alcoholics Anonymous & NA early recovery. Jim Warren is the famous painter who did the cover to Bob Seger’s “Against the Wind” album. So if you love art and want to help a worthy cause please bid for this painting on eBay.  

• “Why do politicians cheat?” and “Top 10 signs of cheating” -  Listen to the two radio interviews I gave to Russ Morley, on News/Talk 850 WFTL for insights into motivations and causes behind the high rate of politicians who cheat on their wives and; the top ten red flags that scream your partner is cheating on you.

Now, let’s talk about one of the most dangerous habits we all possess and practice.

Fritz Perls was a German-born psychiatrist and psychotherapist who moved to the US in the 1940s and later went on to coin the term “Gestalt Therapy” for the therapy he and his wife Laura Perls had developed.

In the 1960s, in the US, as the movement of Individualism became celebrated, a statement of just 56 words by Fritz Perls, known as the “Gestalt prayer” became famous. It is often touted as a model way of life:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the single most important ingredient for success – the real secret to success and happiness – the one factor that determines your level of success, how much you enjoy it and how long you hold onto it.

First a quick update:

• “Are women politicians faithful or discreet?” -  Read the article and interview I gave to the St. Petersburg Times about female fidelity in the political arena. www.patrickwanis.com/blog

• “Reality Shows lead to divorce” -  As TV reality shows continue to dominate the television landscape, the concern arises that the reality TV sends the message to young people that unless you are on TV you are not special. But is the allure to be on television driven only by the desire to be famous? And what are the consequences of having your life be completely exposed? For almost every married couple, the result is divorce. Why? How? Listen to the interview I give to Debbie Monterrey and Doug McElvein, hosts of Total Information AM show on KMOX NewRadio 1120. I also issue a word of caution about the effect that social media such as Facebook, MySpace and Twitter, can have on a person’s life, and mental & emotional health.  http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#RSCD   

• “Truth hurts” - Famous Bachata band, Xtreme, are on the verge of their biggest breakthrough, but they face a huge challenge – they are always late. Their manager Ben brought me in to help Xtreme from destroying their career and success. On their reality TV show, I reveal the truth about Xtreme - Dany D and Steve Styles. Can they handle the truth? http://patrickwanis.com/Videos.asp

Now, let’s talk about the most critical component of success.

Recently, a highly successful yet unhappy man, Ray, approached me for my help and guidance. As we sat in his large office overlooking the waters of southern California, Ray proceeded to tell me his story. From very humble beginnings in the Bronx, Ray had come a long way as now part owner of a large magazine and media company. He had all the outer appearances of success and a good life: a successful business, a loving, beautiful wife, gorgeous children, a mansion on the water and the freedom to create his own schedule. So what could possibly be troubling this man?

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about cheating and betrayal – the signs and causes.

First a quick update:

• “Michael Jackson and the extreme price of fame” -  Read the CNN.com interview I gave about the Michael’s deeper emotional wounds and how his celebrity status exaggerated his personal troubles:

• “Michael Jackson – a victim” - Listen to the controversial interview I gave to KSRO/ CNN radio about the mind and emotion of Michael Jackson – featuring many shocking points and insights not included in the CNN.com article.  http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp

Now, let’s talk about cheating and betrayal.

I have been inundated with requests for media interviews on two big topics this past week; the death of Michael Jackson and the affair and betrayal by US South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford who publicly admitted to cheating with a woman in Argentina. Most reporters wanted to know who cheats on their wives more - Republicans or Democrats? I responded by saying that I have not looked at the research and numbers, and, that it is critical to understand that cheating is not limited to any one category or group – be it a political party, territorial state, culture, nation, religion, socio-economic group, age group or even gender. In fact, women cheat almost as much as men do. Watch the interview I gave to FOX News about women cheating at: http://patrickwanis.com/PatrickVideos/FoxNN.wmv

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