In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the secrets to influence and persuasion.

First a quick update:

• “Stress – the link between life changes and illness & injury” – Major life changes obviously contribute to stress but did you know that multiple major life changes within one year correlate with a higher risk of injury or illness? Complete the Stress Scale and determine your risks

Now, let’s talk about the secrets to influence and persuasion.

In my audio book, “The New Science of Persuasion…for men only”, I reveal that the number one secret to all influence and persuasion is “understanding the other person.” (The second secret relates specifically to understanding women but I won’t reveal that here; it’s in my book.)  Understanding the other person, relates to knowing clearly what motivates the other person; their needs, desires, goals, interests, etc. In other words, the emphasis shifts from trying to get someone to understand you to you trying to understand them. By appealing to the other person’s needs and motivations, you can influence or persuade him or her more successfully.

Regardless of your gender, position, job, socio-economic background or nationality, we all communicate three ways:

• Non-verbal – With our bodies –56%
• Tonality – Our tone of voice –37 %
• Words/content- Our choice of words –7 %

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explain why you are not crazy – it’s the stress that is driving you crazy, and talk about the often overlooked but long list of symptoms of stress.

First a quick update:

• “Negative emotions, stress and your weight” – Read my controversial comments and insights in this week’s National Enquirer (US and British editions) about Kirstie Alley’s ongoing challenges with her weight, body-shape, yo-yo dieting experiences and their potentially dangerous consequences for her health.

• “How stressed are you? Take the test.” – Find out if your stress levels are low, moderate or extreme by taking the stress quiz.

Now, let’s talk about stress, its symptoms and effects on you.

Recently, two separate clients came to me with similar experiences – anxiety, panic attacks and intrusive thoughts and images.

Joshua is a highly successful man in his early twenties and Kim is an equally successful woman in her early thirties. They told me that this was the first time in their life that they had experienced anxiety or panic attacks. Joshua and Kim are entrepreneurs who had never previously known fear in their life.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss a controversial topic – the lessons we can learn from the tragic killings of three women in a US gym last week.

First a quick update:

• “Your comments” – Last week I wrote about the principle of letting go of one’s ego – the need to be right (“Why do you always need to be right?”) I was not, though, endorsing that you allow people to walk all over you, nor was I saying that you should not stand-up for your beliefs and causes. The key principle is to seek happiness and peace over vindication, and, ask yourself when you are about to argue over a topic “How important is this?” if it’s not important or critical, let it go. Add your comments to my blog.

Now, let’s talk about the lessons from last week’s horrific mass killing.

On August 4, 2009, George Sodini, 48, entered a fitness club in Pennsylvania, USA. He walked into an aerobics class, turned off the lights and fired 52 rounds of bullets at the 20 occupants; he killed three women and injured nine others, before turning the gun on himself.

Sodini left behind a lot of information about his life and motives in the form of an online blog/diary, a note found at the gym and a couple of online videos. Read the entire text of his online blog/diary here.

His writings reveal a man that had hatred for the world. Sodini blamed everyone and found bad in everyone: his father, brother, mother, religion, church, right-wing people, and women. Sodini also claimed he had no one to help guide or counsel him, no one to tell him what he is doing wrong in his life. He hated women, religion and his life. He was jealous of young people and felt his situation was totally hopeless.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to address the need to be right and explain how it kills our happiness and destroys our relationships. 

First a quick update:

• “Gunman kills 3 people in a gym – Why?” – Listen to the radio interview when I speak about the possible reasons and motivations behind the man that fatally shot 3 people and then himself. I will be revealing the profile of mass killers and discussing the impact of rejection, being bullied and feelings of hopelessness. Listen to the interview here on 850 WFTL

Now, let’s talk about the need to be right.

The dictionary defines “right” as: the state or quality or an instance of being correct; correct in judgment, opinion, or action.

Recently, I was dining with a client and some of his friends in New York City. One of his close friends, Lisa, works as a consultant in the fashion industry. As we were discussing fashion trends, Lisa began to say that New York women dress much better than Miami women.

I began to wonder to myself, “Is that really true?”

My mind said, “No, she is wrong. I know that Miami women dress better.”

As we discussed and debated the finer points of fashion sense, it was obvious to me that Lisa was taking this personally; after all, Lisa is from New York City. She became heated and agitated. Her tone of voice was changing and her face was scrunching – her young face was quickly filling with deep lines on her forehead. Wow. Lisa was almost becoming angry.

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