In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss immature men, how to identify them and why they are so damaging and harmful.

First a quick update:

• “Mackenzie Phillips - False Memory Syndrome”: Phillips, daughter of the famous singer and musician John Phillips of The Mamas and Papas, claims she had a long-term incestuous relationship with her father and says he injected her with drugs from a young age. Listen to the interview I gave to Russ Morley, host of the morning show on News/Talk 850 WFTL where I reveal that Phillips might be suffering from False Memory Syndrome and I outline the tell-tale signs and behaviors of victims of childhood sexual abuse and explain why she might also be telling the truth while members of her family deny her claims as false and lies.

• Part 2 - Anti-depressants cause deaths, suicides and murder: Read part two of the transcript of a lengthy interview and discussion between myself and Dr. Peter Breggin, author of “Medication Madness - a psychiatrist exposes the dangers of mood-altering medications.”

• Tips on how to quit smoking: Listen to the 20-minute interview I gave full of tips and techniques about how to end the habit.

 Now, let’s talk about the definition of an immature man.

A few months ago, a reporter from The National Enquirer interviewed me for my comments and opinion on the relationship between actor Patrick Stewart and his new girlfriend jazz singer, Sunny Ozell. Patrick Stewart is 68 and Sunny, at age 31, is five years younger than Stewart’s daughter, Sophie, 36. My response was that when there is an age difference as big as 37 years (or 41 years as is the case with Rolling Stone’s Ron Wood and his 20 year old girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova or 45 years as is the case with Morgan Freeman and his girlfriend, his 27 year old step granddaughter E’Dena Hines) then this signifies that the man hasn’t matured and he is still stuck in the dark side of the hero phase – he is still behaving like a boy.

This behavior is equivalent to adolescence or ego. It is akin to the fairy tale where the young prince or knight saves and wins the damsel but the story ends there; he is after all, a young prince or knight, we never see him mature (evolve) to be a king. Is that because he does not know what to do with her and maybe does not know himself beyond being a prince or knight – he never looks deeper into his own masculine self? The fairy tale suggests that the relationship between the prince and damsel is simply infatuation and there is no deeper connection or evolution; it is simply artificial or superficial love. Both prince and damsel also stay young forever – a symbol or metaphor that they also do not evolve.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the significance of speaking your truth and from where the fear to do so originates.

First a quick update:

• Anti-depressants cause deaths, suicides and murder: Read part one of the transcript of a lengthy interview and discussion between myself and Dr. Peter Breggin, author of “Medication Madness - a psychiatrist exposes the dangers of mood-altering medications.” 

Now, let’s talk about the dangers of not speaking your truth.

One of my all time favorite movies is the 2003 romantic comedy, “Love Actually.” Set in Britain around Christmastime, “Love Actually” follows a series of love stories of various people – some related and carefully interwoven. The movie covers every aspect of love – from unrequited love and betrayal to mourning and forgiveness; from redemption and deep romance to childhood love and secrets; from obligation and devotion to brotherly love and loneliness.

A key theme in the movies is the powerful effect of overcoming your fear and speaking from your heart to reveal your truth.

In one emotionally touching scene, Juliet (played by Keira Knightley) has just recently been married. It is a few days before Christmas and carolers are everywhere. There is knock at Juliet’s door and she is surprised to find Mark (her husband’s close friend) standing there.

Mark (played by Andrew Lincoln) proceeds to reveal to Juliet what is in his heart. He plays “Silent Night” from a boom box but he speaks loudly in silence with his message written on a series of cardboard placards:

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss how we hide behind masks often paralyzed by the fear of revealing our real selves.

First a quick update:

• “desafortunadas en el amor” – yes for my Spanish speaking readers; “ellas son famosas, sexis e intelligentes, pero en cuestiones del amor no les ha”  

• The impact of Jon and Kate’s divorce on children: Read my comments in the latest edition of National Enquirer and US Weekly on the impact that Kate & Jon’s divorce and vengeful behavior will have on their 8 children and the very best thing they could do for their children. If you want to read the full interview I gave to US Weekly, click here. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/09/16/kate-jon-harming-their-children/

• The Dalai Lama: Registration ends Friday. Here is an invitation to an international 4 day conference and digital program to supercharge your life, maximize your business and change the world. Speakers include Sir Richard Branson, His Holiness The Dalai Lama, Stephen Covey, Barbara De Angelis, President F.W. deKlerk (Nobel Peace Prize Recipient who released Nelson Mandela from prison), Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos), Janet Attwood, Bill Harris, Paula Abdul of American Idol, Wyland (Internally Acclaimed Artist/Conservationist), Bryan Adams, K.D. Lang and more.

Now, let’s talk about the masks we use to hide our true selves and how it destroys our enjoyment of life.

In the 1994, motion picture, “The Mask” Jim Carrey plays a bank clerk, Stanley Ipkiss, who is transformed into a manic super-hero when he wears a mysterious mask.

Stanley Ipkiss is an incredibly nice man who allows himself to be pushed around, particularly when it comes to confrontation. Ipkiss is too shy to get girls, he doesn’t dare to ever stand up for himself, and is often pushed around by his boss. But his world changes when he discovers a mysterious mask which transforms him into his inner personality and brings to life his inner desires: he turns into an unconventional super hero in search of justice, particularly those who have wronged him or are trying to take advantage of him. He stands up to his screaming, nagging neighbor; he seeks revenge and justice on the mechanics that try to rip him off over the repair of his car; he confronts his boss, and; daringly and boldly pursues the girl of his dreams. All the while, Ipkiss does this with the attitude of having a wildly good time.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to ask a simple question: “Who told you that you can succeed?”

First a quick update:

• Cheating – ego & immaturity: Listen to the in depth interview I gave to “Cosmolicious with Diana Falzone” on Sirius Radio about the causes behind cheating and the links between power, ego, immaturity, low self-esteem and cheating. I also explore who cheats more – men or women? And if a person cheats once, will they do it a second time? What are the traits of a cheater?

• The Dalai Lama: Here is an invitation to an international 4 day conference and digital program to supercharge your life, maximize your business and change the world. Speakers include Sir Richard Branson, His Holiness The Dalai Lama, Stephen Covey, Barbara De Angelis, President F.W. deKlerk (Nobel Peace Prize Recipient who released Nelson Mandela from prison), Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos), Janet Attwood, Bill Harris, Paula Abdul of American Idol, Wyland (Internally Acclaimed Artist/Conservationist), Bryan Adams, K.D. Lang and more.

Now, let’s talk about the significance and consequences of the answer to the question: who told you that you could succeed?

In my success newsletter March 4, 2008, “Praising and criticizing others”, I explained the reasons people criticize and don’t praise. I introduced readers to a cultural phenomenon native to Australia, known as the Tall-Poppy Syndrome: When we see a tall-poppy, a flower that stands out, high above the rest of us, shining and catching the wind and sun and rain, we tend to cut it down; criticize, condemn, judge and mock it. Sometimes we even sabotage it.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal techniques to help you to transform when you think and feel that you are a loser or failure.

First a quick update:

• “fat people on reality TV” – read the interview I gave about the stereotypes of fat and thin people and the effect reality TV shows that feature overweight/obese people doing physical feats and challenges 
   
• Kidnapping victim bonded with her abductor and didn’t try to escape: Jaycee Duggard was kidnapped and held captive for 18 years, but was she truly a slave and why did she never try to escape when she had access to phones, computer and email? Jaycee Duggard’s stepfather Terry Probyn said “Jaycee has strong feelings with this guy,” and “She really feels it’s almost like a marriage.” How did Jaycee’s abductor succeed in brainwashing her? What is the psychology of attraction and bonding to abusers? Listen to the radio interviews I gave to Russ Morley, host of the morning show on News/Talk 850 WFTL. 

Now, let’s talk about strategies to empower you and transform what you believe about yourself and the way you feel.

In my Success Newsletter of July 29, 2009, I stirred up a lot of controversy when I cited a university study that reveals that if you have low self-esteem, positive affirmations can make you feel worse instead of better.  Doctors Joanne Wood and John Lee from the University of Waterloo in Canada along with Doctor Elaine Perunovic from the University of New Brunswick conducted a study with 68 men and women. Two experiments revealed that participants with low self-esteem, who repeated a positive affirmation: “I’m a lovable person” or who focused on how that statement was true felt worse than those who did not do the affirmation at all. The low self-esteem group also felt worse doing the affirmation “I’m a lovable person” than the low self-esteem group who simply focused on how that affirmation is both true and not true.

I have also explained in the past that affirmations alone generally don’t work because there isn’t sufficient repetition and they are in constant battle with deeper long-standing beliefs and emotions.

So what is the solution? How do can we change our negative programming and beliefs? What steps can a person take to redefine their self-image?

One powerful technique is to use positive evidence (reframing) to shift what you feel and believe about yourself. This results in cognitive change.

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