In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the power of saying “No!”

First a quick update:

• “What a woman wants – and how to give it to her”: Here is the ideal Holiday gift for the man in your life – your boyfriend, husband, brother, best friend or single father. My book is a makeover book for men – offering insights into women, dating, love and romance. This book also makes a great coffee table book, opening up conversation and discussion – and it is available in paperback or Ebook. “WOW. I never believed a guy actually could know about how a woman feels.  I think EVERY MAN needs to read this book; there would be a lot more happy women out there if they did!” –Amber L. Age 24 –Texas; “The techniques from your book gave great guidelines for talking to women, the results have been phenomenal” Steve W. Age 35 –Ohio. Click here: http://patrickwanis.com/WhatAWomanWantsBook.asp

Now, let’s talk about the power of saying “No!”

In the 2008 motion picture “Yes Man”, loosely based on a true story and book, Jim Carrey plays Carl, a withdrawn and depressed man who hides in his apartment watching DVDs and avoiding friends, invitations and outings.

One day, a friend invites Carl to a “Yes” self-improvement seminar. Carl attends and makes a covenant to say “yes” to everything. As the movie unfolds, Carl does say yes to every invitation and request, no matter how bizarre. Carl’s life changes for the better and he even begins a relationship with a woman who steals his heart – Allison, played by Zooey Deschanel. But one day things turn sour. Allison walks out on him, after learning that he is simply saying yes to her invitation to live together because of his “yes covenant.”

Eventually Carl returns to the motivational trainer and requests that he be set free from his covenant. The trainer points out to Carl that he took the “yes” concept to an extreme. Carl gets the lesson and returns to Allison to speak his heart. He tells her that he loves her but isn’t ready just yet to live together. Their relationship strengthens and Carl gains self-respect and confidence.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the one thing that blocks and kills gratitude and destroys the Holidays and our life, and how to overcome it.

First a quick update:

• Strategies to prevent violence in the workplace. Jason Rodriguez walked into his former office building and shot dead one person. But he did it two years after he was fired. Is this just an isolated case or could there be more similar events on the way? Are there identifiable elements in the workplace culture that foster a toxic climate? And what can people in the Human Resources department do if an employee appears to be a potential concern? Read the transcript of the interview I gave last week to Russ Morley on 850 WFTL radio. Click here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/11/17/strategies-to-prevent-violence-in-the-workplace/

Now, let’s talk about the obstacle that stands in our way of expressing gratitude.

As we approach the Holiday season, gratitude is usually the intended focus, particularly on Thanksgiving, Christmas and other religious Holidays – expressing thanks for what we have – family, loved ones, health, job, house, food, etc.

Expressing love in the form of gratitude to the people closest to us is the hardest challenge that most of us face around this time of the year.

Why?

One thing stands in the way.

Resentment.

Yes, at the very time that we are expected to say “thank you” to the people around us, something arises that paralyzes us or worse, drives us to express criticism, anger or nastiness. That something is resentment.

Imagine the scene that most of us have probably experienced.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about jealousy, its dangers and how to overcome it.

First a quick update:

• Psychiatrist kills 13 people. Why? Major Nidal Malik Hassan gunned down 13 people and injured another 29 at Fort Hood. Major Hassan was a professional healer but he also needed counseling; he was a Muslim but he frequented a strip club and often discussed God with his Christian neighbor; he swore to protect his country but he was against the war and didn’t want to be deployed to fight. Why did Maj. Hassan commit this crime? Is it a clear act of terrorism, an act of a textbook mass murderer or a combination of the two? Read the transcript of the interview I gave explaining also his profile as a mass killer. Click here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/11/06/army-psychiatrist-kills-13-why/ 

Now, let’s talk about jealousy and how to overcome it.

Jealousy can drive people to do bizarre, terrible and even dangerous and violent things. In the 2007 movie Atonement, set in 1935, 13-year-old Briony Tallis (played by Saoirse Ronan) is an aspiring writer with a vivid imagination. She has just finished writing a play book which she says is about “the complications of love.” Briony and her family live a life of wealth and privilege in their enormous estate. Robbie Turner (played by James McAvoy), is the educated son of the family’s housekeeper. He and Briony’s sister Cecilia (played by Keira Knightley) have a powerful attraction to each other. Briony has a crush on Robbie but he shrugs her off as nothing more than a young girl. One day Briony’s imagination is sparked when she witnesses something she doesn’t understand followed by a sexual embrace between Robbie and Cecilia.  Briony’s jealousy eventually turns to spite and she lies and accuses Robbie of a crime he did not commit, subsequently destroying his life.

Jealousy when acted upon has that power.  

Just yesterday, a former astronaut pleaded guilty to attacking a romantic rival. Lisa Nowak, a Navy captain, pleaded guilty to felony burglary and misdemeanor battery.

Lisa Nowak (a married mother of three children) was overtaken by jealousy, obsession and other emotional problems when she drove 1,000 miles from Houston to Orlando to confront her romantic rival, Colleen Shipman, in a parking lot. Colleen Shipman had begun dating Lisa Nowak’s love interest, former space shuttle pilot Bill Oefelein.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about overcoming dependence and desperation.

First a quick update:

• Accused teens who burned boy came from troubled homes: 5 teens were charged in the burning of 15-year-old Michael Brewer who was burned on 80% of his body after assailants doused him with rubbing alcohol and lit him on fire. Now, just as I first asserted when this case occurred, evidence has come out that most of these accused teens were raised in families in which one or both parents have numerous criminal arrests, a history of domestic abuse or drug or alcohol problems. Can these boys be rehabilitated? Read the transcript of the radio interview I and Dr. Vicki Panaccione (BetterParentingInstitute.com) gave to Russ Morley WFTL 850 which will be posted by Thursday www.patrickwanis.com/blog

• Beware of Gurus – listen to the interview: In response to many requests, I have now posted the audio of the hour-long interview I gave to Jim Peake of MySucccessGateway.com about the three deaths at New Age Guru James Ray’s spiritual retreat and the dangers of gurus and cults. Click here. 

Now, let’s talk about dependence and desperation.

Last week’s Success Newsletter about the danger of clinging to and creating gurus struck a nerve with many readers and triggered a couple of other significant points. Juliana wrote:

“Patrick, here is an opinion of a non professional: Why blame the Guru? Why is a “guru” even possible? Why does he exist, and why does he survive? Can there be a guru with no disciples? Human kind is a sick race of dysfunctional people, who live to figure out how to function, and often, for our own faults and weaknesses, we look for the answers outside ourselves, as if there was a shortcut to happiness…

With all due respect and saying this with an anthropological focus, I believe Americans in general are used to (and enjoy) being treated as kids. We always need someone watching out for us to see if we are about to kill ourselves…PEOPLE NEVER, NEVER ASK QUESTIONS, they never wonder… They go to a doctor and come out with a diagnosis that once again, they won’t question or research…. It’s time we grow up and take responsibility for our choices and the things we decide to get involved with. The powers of the guru are directly given to him by his disciples.

Let’s grow up people! Let’s take responsibility!”

Juliana raises a number of key points worth addressing. First, the desire to seek out explanations for our existence is not limited to any one culture.

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