Commentators everywhere in the media have been hailing the video showing Ray Rice punching his wife as the video that changes everything, claiming this warrants extreme punishment of Ray Rice and the NFL.
But they got it wrong, and their response reflects immaturity, sensationalism and a complete lack of understanding and insights into domestic violence, abuse and compassion.
Suddenly commentators believe that this second video is so hideous that the NFL and Rice should be punished further, and so they keep screaming for more blood, and without ever offering a solution to the problem of domestic violence.
The real video of concern isn’t the second video of a punch; the real video of concern is the first video which shows how Rice responded to his wife after she was knocked out.
The way we have responded to the 2 videos reflects the way we react emotionally instead of seeking a solution along with our complete disregard and unawareness of compassion. Due to our socio-cultural programming and the constant cries of gender inequality, we connect and notice the act of violence by a man against a woman, and, we fail to notice the real crime: Ray Rice might not have been able to control his anger in the moment but he had the opportunity to express compassion and remorse, and he didn’t.
After Janay is knocked unconscious when her head hits the railing, she falls to the ground, and Ray Rice drags her out of the elevator. He doesn’t lift her up; he doesn’t carry her, he drags her. He doesn’t fall to the ground, to his knees and embrace her head in his hands and arms; he doesn’t reveal any guilt over his actions or concern for her wellbeing. He doesn’t cry out “Oh my God, what have I done.” He doesn’t call for help; he quietly and calmly shoos away the security. There is no sign of immediate remorse, guilt, shame or fear for her safety.
How is it that all the commentators, including the numerous women who have written op-ed articles about how bad Ray Rice is, couldn’t see where the real issue is?
The answer again is that the holier-than-thou commentators who keep harping about Janay Rice as a victim don’t truly view her as a victim; they didn’t really put themselves in Janay Rice’s place, they didn’t truly think about her pain or what she needed after being knocked unconscious.
What do the commentators and media want to teach the public? “A real man never hits a woman”?
You can never teach that lesson without teaching compassion and a real concern for humans – regardless of gender. Telling children not to harm living things is impotent unless you also teach them why we shouldn’t harm.
You can’t have real men or heroes unless you teach and instill in everyone love, compassion, and the sanctity and preciousness of life!
Patrick Wanis PhD is a Human Behavior Expert and celebrity life coach
Follow him @Behavior_Expert and read more www.patrickwanis.com
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