First of all, what a great blog and thank you for all your wisdom.

I have a situation with my sister who I’ve had problems with over the years. Recently she said she was having problems with her husband and wanted to come and stay with me and bringing her 2 cats.

I live in a flat that is very small and I work from home on a phone line as a counsellor. I explained this to her but she reacted really out of proportion when I said no. My fear was that she was about to leave her husband and stay here for an unlimited time as she said 2 weeks or more.. I rent the flat from them but felt that I should say no as I would not be able to work with her in the flat. Also knowing her as I do, I knew she would want a lot of attention whilst here. She denied it even though she is currently having CBT and has been diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder.

Anyway because of the huge fuss she made I said she could come but then she did not want to and accused me of all sorts of things from the past and said we have to accept we just don’t get on.

That was back in April. Since then things go quiet for a couple of weeks and then she sends me an email.. the latest one today accusing me of speaking to her husband’s family about this current situation and that she believes I am lying if I deny this. I have told her it is not true and I am not lying and I rang to speak to her but she did not answer the phone so I left a message saying that I wasn’t in touch with his family and have not spoken to them and that I wish the best for her and send her lots of love.

I am so tired of her dramas that escalate about once a year and the same old patterns. She will probably come around in a couple of months and want to be friends again. I do not feel right now that I want to be her friend.

Anyway that’s my story. I have forgiven her over and over and this pattern always keeps repeating. I feel maybe it would be best if I just move out and find a new home and break off contact with her altogether.

All the best
Lee

thank you for being so open and sincere about your story and what you are experiencing.
There is no way I can fully understand the pain, suffering and loss you have experienced or continue to experience.

Obviously, each time that you feel physical or emotional pain, you will think about the hospital and the drunken man. However, you also said that you feel that you are still “stuck under this drunk’s power.” And that also makes complete sense. The question is what emotional pain do you feel each time you feel physical and financial pain? Is it anger, bitterness, revenge or something else? You are allowed to feel whatever you feel and maybe the key to emotional freedom is to first accept all of the emotions you feel toward this person (anger, hatred, etc) and then keep focusing on what you can now control in your life.
You also never mentioned a support system. Who is there in your life right now that loves and supports and understand you through all of this?
Again, I can only express verbal sympathy and empathy but I cannot fathom what you have fully experienced. I can only begin to imagine some of your pain and I can only express regret that you have had to endure this.
All the best,
Patrick

The drunk neither knows no cares about me. I don’t give a rat’s tootsie about the drunk. I would prefer to never think about the horrifying experiences in the hospital either. I don’t have time for playing the victim and there’s no one around to hear me whining (except you, dear readers, and for that, my apologies).

Am I going to be stuck under this drunk’s power until I can get the physical and financial pain to stop?