The Secret to Upselling Yourself

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the secret to upselling yourself in every area of life, including relationships.

First a quick update:

****  Brad Pitt wasting his life – Brad Pitt recently revealed that while married to Jennifer Anniston, he was wasting his life and his life had no meaning, Read the insights I gave to FOXnews.com about his responses http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/05/22/brad-pitt-was-on-drugs-during-marriage-to-jennifer-aniston/

****  Receive my newsletters immediately – Follow me on Twitter to receive my newsletter immediately @behavior_expert

Now, let’s talk about the secret to upselling yourself in every area of life, including relationships..

Upselling is sales strategy designed to convince the customer to purchase more expensive items, upgrades, or other add-ons with the intention of making a larger and more profitable sale. An example is warranties that are sold on electronics purchases; another example might be the offer to purchase a carwash after you have purchased gas at the gas station.

Ultimately, the salesperson is convincing you to spend more, to invest more in a specific sale/transaction.

In last week’s Newsletter “The Secret to total freedom and empowerment”

http://patrickwanis.com/blog/secret-total-freedom-empowerment/ I included a quote by American psychologist, Abraham Maslow:

“The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.”

Most people sell themselves short because they don’t believe they are worthy or good enough. Accordingly, they never get to upsell themselves because they are often discounting themselves.

Have you ever wondered “What is the real difference between someone who commands minimum wages per hour and someone who commands thousands of dollars per hour?”

Continue reading “The secret to upselling yourself” »

The secret to total freedom and empowerment

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share the secret to total freedom and self-empowerment.

First a quick update:

****  Protecting your children from drugs – Eleven million American adolescents and young adults ages 12-29 need help with drug and alcohol problems. Research and real life studies reveal that parents play the biggest role and are the single most critical factor in determining delinquency, youth violence, and drug abuse; yes, even greater than environmental community factors. Listen to the exclusive interview with Aaron Huey of Fire Mountain Sober Living Boys Home and Fire Mountain Programs: http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#protectfromdrugs

****  Receive my newsletters immediately – Follow me on Twitter to receive my newsletter immediately @behavior_expert

Now, let’s talk about the secret to total freedom and self-empowerment.

The dictionary offers various definitions for freedom such as: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action; liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another; independence; unrestricted use.

Ultimately, freedom is being able to make your own choices – no one else is able to control you except you.

While the word empower has various meanings based on context, it can also mean the ability to control your own destiny.

Thus, combined “total freedom” and “self-empowerment” imply that you and only you have power over yourself; no one else but you can control your destiny.

Is it truly possible to break the chains of other people’s power over you?

Is it truly possible to become totally independent?

Of course, we need other people and we depend on other people for certain things – friendship, love, companionship, community and so forth. And if we are physically ill then we will depend on others for assistance and possibly even for survival.

However, what I am about to share with you is a principle and philosophy that one can live by and which offers one extraordinary power and freedom.

“It’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.” This was the trademark slogan of Emiliano Zapata, a leading figure in the Mexican Revolution which broke out in 1910. Zapata was rebelling against what he believed to be tyranny.

Thus, the above phrase is a call to fight for freedom, to stand upright and fight for one’s rights, to not act or live as a slave on one’s knees or to live a life of submission and powerlessness; to not give away control of one’s life to others or to live at the mercy of others.

That slogan also has other implications such as believing in yourself and in your own self-worth; not letting others defeat you, or defeating yourself through your own poor or negative attitude.

Building onto the above phrase, I teach:

When you are willing to lose everything, to give up everything, then and only then are you totally free and only at that point are you free of other people’s control.

Look at your life. Which people control you and how do they control you?

There are various forms of control such as physical (survival), mental, financial and emotional.

Continue reading “The Secret to total freedom and empowerment” »

Facing the truth & avoiding victims

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the significance of facing the truth of oneself and how to avoid playing the victim.

First a quick update:

****  Receive my newsletters immediately – Follow me on Twitter to receive my newsletter immediately @behavior_expert

****  “Emotional Mojo” – I will be a host with three women on a new TV show geared around self-help, psychology and personal development. The show will be broadcast first run on the Inspiration Network starting in June. Get a sneak preview here: http://youtu.be/zMf5SfZoqOg

Now, let’s talk about the significance of facing the truth of oneself and how to avoid playing the victim.

What would happen if you were to accept 100% responsibility for everything that happens in your life? How would your life be different?

Of course, one cannot argue that we create every single thing in our life. For example, contrary to some of the teachings of New Age leaders and ministers, the victims of natural disasters such as hurricanes, floods, tsunamis and wildfires cannot be blamed or accused of causing or creating those disasters. Teaching people to believe that they create natural disasters does not empower people, but rather, it causes them to engage in self-loathing, guilt and delusion.

Excluding natural disasters, what would happen if you were to accept 100% responsibility for everything that happens in your life?

A new client recently complained that the man she had once briefly dated had turned his female friends against her. She believed that he had made negative comments about her to them and that they believed him.

“Are they your friends?”

‘No’ she replied.

“Does he have that much control over them, considering that they are adults?”

‘Yes” she said angrily.

“Well, if he can control them, why is their friendship that significant to you?”

‘I want them to like me.’

“So you are intent on pleasing them and getting their approval, even though they are not your friends. Therefore, they will actually be controlling you.” I said. “Equally significant – is there any truth to what his friends say about you?”

She paused and refused to accept that there could be any truth to what these women believed about her.

“What would happen if there were any truth to what they say? Would that make you weaker or stronger?”

Continue reading “Facing the truth & avoiding victims” »

The significance & benefits of journaling – & steps to effective journaling

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the significance of journaling, its link to emotional freedom and 7 steps to effective journaling.

First a quick update:

****  Receive my newsletters immediately – Follow me on Twitter to receive my newsletter immediately @behavior_expert

****  “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” – Learn about my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist. And if you are a coach, counselor, therapist or practitioner, you can also learn this technique: http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/srtt-st.asp

Now, let’s talk about the significance of journaling, its link to emotional freedom and 7 steps to effective journaling.

“Sometime around 600 BC, one of the Seven Sages inscribed on the Temple of Delphi in Greece the now famous words, “Know thyself.” To know yourself refers to knowing what you want, how you feel, what makes you tick. What are your dreams, your fantasies, your fears, your goals, and your passion? What are your deepest desires? What would you try and do if you had no fear? What moves you and motivates you? What are your fears? What are your issues? What pushes your buttons? What do you most like about yourself and what do you least like about yourself? If you were to write your own epitaph, what would it say? What are the things you want to be remembered for when you leave this world?”-

Soul Mates – Discovering, Sharing & Loving © 2004 http://patrickwanis.com/FindSoulMateLovePerfectMatchBook.asp

Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence (the awareness of and ability to manage and control one’s emotions.) And emotional intelligence determines much of our success in relationships. And the success of our relationships determines our happiness and success in almost every area of our life (at home and at the office.) The rise and fall of successful people is often directly tied to the way they treat other people as well as the respect, support & loyalty they get from those other people. (Read my article “Emotional Intelligence”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/emotional-intelligence/ )

Self-awareness creates the opportunity to reflect and make necessary changes. It also helps a person to become clear about what they truly want from life and thus focus on and pursue only what they want.

Journaling is one way of gaining self-awareness, developing emotional intelligence and becoming clear about one’s values and goals in life. However, journaling also has many other benefits including enhancing growth and learning.

Journaling is not the same as writing a daily diary. The latter is a record of daily experiences, thoughts and reactions to those events.

Continue reading “Significance of journaling & 7 steps to effective journaling” »

The radicalization and alienation of youth – and the link to terrorism

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal eight causes of the alienation of youth and its connection to the terrorist bombings in Boston.

First a quick update:

****  Stress and its impact on women’s menstruation – Read the interview between myself and Dr. Michael Bauerschmidt, Medical Director of Full Potential Health Care: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/stress-years-no-period-progesterone/

Now, let’s talk about the eight causes of the alienation of youth and its connection to the terrorist bombings in Boston.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev age 19 is a naturalized American citizen of Chechen origin. He has been charged with the twin bombings that killed 3 people and injured more than 170 during the Boston marathon.

Dzhokhar was enrolled as a sophomore at the University of Massachusetts-Dartmouth and his classmates describe him as “normal”, “really nice”, “very charismatic” and someone who made “friends easily.”

Those close to him believe it was his older brother Tamerlan, who brainwashed Dzhokhar into committing the act of terrorism.

There has been conflicting opinions about whether or not Dzhokhar Tsarnaev should be perceived as a teenage child led astray or as an adult; the legal age for purchasing alcohol and for voting in the US is 21, but the legal age to join the army is 18.

Of course, domestic terrorism is not new. In the 1990s, in the US, there were dozens of bombings and arson of abortion clinics. Also adults have been persuaded to commit acts of murder and suicide by various cult leaders. Joseph Kibweteere was the leader of a suicidal cult that splintered from the Roman Catholic Church in Uganda. In March 17, 2000, in a mass murder/suicide, at least 780 people died.)

http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#guruscultbrainwashing

Reverend “Jim” Jones led the cult murder/suicide in 1978 of 909 of his church’s members in Jonestown, Guyana where more than 200 children were murdered – most of them by cyanide poisoning.

Nonetheless, as evidenced by the bombings in Boston and numerous acts of terrorism and violence around the world, along with young people who are being ‘groomed’ to carry out ‘terrorist’ attacks, the newest threat in the 21^st century is the alienation and radicalization of youth.

Alienation is “a condition in social relationships reflected by a low degree of integration or common values and a high degree of distance or isolation between individuals, or between an individual and a group of people in a community or work environment.”

I cannot claim to offer all of the reasons youth and someone such as Dzhokhar Tsarnaev would be swayed, persuaded or led to commit acts of terrorism. However, I would like to offer some insights into the causes of youth alienation.

I would like to begin with Charles Manson.

Continue reading “The radicalization & alienation of youth” »

Are you a hero or a coward? What makes a hero?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the psychology of a hero; what makes a hero? Can we all be heroes?

First a quick update:

****  Stress, hormones and the fountain of youth – Did you know that biologically, we should be able to live to 120 years of age? Read the interview between myself and Dr. Michael Bauerschmidt, Medical Director of Full Potential Health Care revealing the links between stress, hormones and staying young, and; ways you can safely maintain youthful levels of hormones. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/stress-hormones-fountain-youth/

Now, let’s talk about the psychological profile of a hero; what makes a hero? Can we all be heroes?

“A retired football player carried a wounded woman from the Boston Marathon finish line. A father who lost both his sons, one in Iraq and one by suicide, rushed to aid the fallen. A veteran turned the shirt off his back into a bandage. A surgeon from Kansas finished the race and then started removing shrapnel from other runners.” – NBC News reporting on the aftermath of two blasts April 15, 2013 that killed three people and wounded at least 176.

The above people were described by NBC News as heroes.

The dictionary defines a hero as a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

On that day in Boston as referenced above there were numerous, extraordinary examples of the human spirit soaring and triumphing – of humanity rising above evil.

There is also a difference between acts of kindness & help during a time of crisis and acts of heroism. Science has identified that empathetic and altruistic actions are driven by ocxytocin – also known as the mother-love-chemical. However, a hero demonstrates concern for other people in need or defends a moral cause while openly knowing that there is a personal risk. In other words, the hero puts himself in danger to help or rescue others and does so without any expectation of a reward.

Are we all capable of this action; can we all be heroes?

The hero acts contrary to the hard-wired Fight-or-Flight response which is about self-preservation and survival (fighting or fleeing to protect oneself); the hero is willing to give up his own life to save that of another human being.

Continue reading “Are you a hero or a coward?” »

6 Steps to overcoming self-criticism

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal 6 ways to overcome self-criticism.

First a quick update:

****  Rejection by dads is devastating – From the series “Get Motivated” on the TV show The Daily Buzz, Patrick Wanis PhD reveals how rejection by dad is worse for kids than rejection by mom. Watch the video here http://youtu.be/CbPm6ce6yv8 and read about the 50 year study and how dads affect kids’ self-esteem: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/dads-moms-can-prevent-killings-suicides/  Also read the article about the significance and impact of dads hugging their sons: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/dads-hug-your-sons/ :

Now, let’s talk about 6 ways to overcome self-criticism.

One of the great contributors to daily stress is our constant thinking and worrying. We are bombarded by stimuli and messages all day long; and for those that can’t turn off their phones, the bombardment and constant thinking can be all night long as well.

Additionally, we are also constantly talking to ourselves, and often unconsciously; we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. Those thoughts and messages are labeled as the Inner Chatterbox. This is the voice telling us what we need to be doing and should be doing, what we did wrong, and why we are not good enough or deserving. Read my article “Controlling the Inner Chatterbox”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/controlling-the-inner-chatterbox/

The voice that tells us that we might fail and that we are not worthy is the voice of self-doubt. Read my article “Conquering self-doubt” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/conquering-self-doubt/

The voice that criticizes us after the event can be referred to as the Inner Critic.

This is the voice that attacks us after we have completed an event or task and it identifies what we did wrong and proceeds to criticize or harshly judge us.

Continue reading “6 Steps to overcoming self-criticism” »

Acting on individual responsibility

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the significance of individual responsibility.

First a quick update:

****  Passionate Love or Companionate Love? – We generally long for passion and chemistry in our relationships, but can we maintain that level of intensity? One form of romantic love is inwardly directed and the other is outwardly directed. Watch the video of my insights on the TV show “The Daily Buzz” – part of the series of “Get Motivated”: http://youtu.be/W3tPRXSse4U and read my full article here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/passionate-companionate-love/

Now, let’s talk about the significance of individual responsibility.

A furor recently occurred when Victoria’s Secret advertised that it was launching a line and collection expanding on its current “Team Pink” for teens but actually targeting even younger tween girls. “Bright Young Things” was a slogan used in conjunction with the college spring break tradition” according to official statement by Victoria’s Secret which insisted the collection was aimed at ‘over 17s.’ But its CFO Stuart Burgdoerfer, told a conference in January 2013 that the company is targeting girls as young as 15:

“When somebody’s 15 or 16 years old, what do they want to be? They want to be older, and they want to be cool like the girl in college, and that’s part of the magic of what we do at PINK.”

Victoria’s Secret – targeting tweens – 15 year old girls?

Some of the items was initially advertised on Victoria’s Secret website has been removed; a line featuring thongs with provocative slogans such as “call me” and “I dare you” written across them.

The company’s action of sexualizing young girls for profit was scoffed at by some bloggers who pointed to individual responsibility: “What’s the fuss? If parents don’t like, they don’t have to buy it.”

While it is a parent’s individual responsibility to guide, direct and place boundaries for his/her children, these lingerie/swimwear items are targeted at and easily accessible to young girls who are highly impressionable and are often victims of peer pressure i.e. the girls can easily be sexualized and objectified.

But is individual or personal responsibility limited only to parents or does it apply to everyone everywhere?

Are executives of Victoria’s Secret’ free and clear of the need to enact individual and personal responsibility?

“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.” – American writer Ambrose Bierce

Continue reading “Individual responsibility” »

The link between play and ADHD

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the link between ADHD and play.

First a quick update:

****  Why do men want women to cook for them? – Is it because they simply want to be treated like king? Is it because they believe they are superior, and that cooking and the kitchen is only the domain of a woman? Watch the video of my insights on the TV show “The Daily Buzz” – part of the series of “Get Motivated”: http://youtu.be/dsb7md6r1us  and read my full article here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/why-men-want-women-to-cook-for-them/

Now, let’s talk about the link between “play” and ADHD.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders (ADHD) is summed up as difficulty staying focused and paying attention, difficulty controlling behavior (impulsivity), and hyperactivity (over-activity).

The number of diagnoses of ADHD in children has risen by 66 percent since the year 2000. Boys are 2 – 4 times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with ADHD.

More than 10 million children in the US are chronically medicated with psychostimulants. This is the highest rate of any country in the world and the long-term biological and psychological effects of these drugs have not been adequately studied.

And a new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reveals that ADHD is the leading and most common mental health issue in children ages 3-17 – with 7 percent of kids receiving a diagnosis. http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/data.html

Why is there such an extraordinarily high and alarming rate of children being diagnosed with ADHD?

Is ADHD a biological disorder or a cultural illness?

The cause of ADHD may be linked to the lack of satiating of the human neurological drive to “play” and to the lack of attention from dad.

Jaak Panksepp is an American psychologist, psychobiologist, neuroscientist and Emeritus Professor of the Department of Psychology at Bowling Green State University. Panksepp has identified PLAY as one of the seven networks of emotion in the brain; he believes that we have an instinct to play.

There are various forms of play – physical play, social play, exploratory play and object play.

“…our children from their earliest years must take part in all the more lawful forms of play, for if they are not surrounded by such an atmosphere they can never grow up to be well conducted and virtuous citizens.” – Plato, circa 360 BC (The Republic – Section IV)

“Kids who had little opportunity for play are more likely to become anti-social, criminally prone adults” – Dr. Jaak Panksepp, 2007.

According to Dr. Panksepp, abundant play facilitates social brain maturation –  maturation of the frontal lobe of the brain which results in the ability to regulate children’s impulsive primary-process emotional urges – “allowing us to ‘stop, look, listen & feel’” while enhancing the capacity for “self-reflection, imagination, empathy and creative/play.”

Continue reading “The link between Play and ADHD” »

Beware of confidence-smashers: selfish people who rob or destroy your confidence.

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how to avoid confidence-smashers: selfish people who rob or destroy your confidence.

First a quick update:

****  “The science of getting rich – free download” – You might be surprised to learn that one hundred years ago, a man taught the concept of the power of your mind and this became the basis for most of today’s self-help and personal development teachings. Go to the link below and you can download and read a free copy of that book from 1910. You might also be surprised to learn that the very first person who taught that the power of your thoughts and beliefs can change your world was not a motivational speaker or author, and actually taught this long before 1910. Find out here:http://patrickwanis.com/blog/science-getting-rich-free-download/

Now, let’s talk about how to avoid confidence-smashers: selfish people who rob or destroy your confidence.

You probably have heard the saying “You are what you eat.” Of course, that is not literally true i.e. if you eat grass, you won’t wake up one day and become a sheath of grass, nor if you eat beef will you suddenly turn into a cow. However, what is contained in the food will affect you and if you eat poison you will become poisoned.

Similarly, there is an expression “You are who you hang out with.” Of course, this is also not literally true. If you hang out with a Frenchman you won’t become a Frenchman. And if the phrase was literally true, and you were an Arab, would you become French or would the Frenchman become Arabic?

Neither would happen. However, what will happen is that both people would influence each other and whoever is the strongest and most dominant person will affect the other, possibly infect the other.

Some people deliberately set out to be with someone with the intention of changing or influencing the other person.

And here is the paradox. When someone sets out to change another, he/she usually falls, almost always fails. But when that same person spends a lot of time with the other person, one of them or both of them will change, based on who is the most vulnerable and has the least resistance, and who is the most domineering & controlling and has the most power.

Thus, a football coach whose intention is to train and teach a player how to play better will succeed based on the fact that the player offers little resistance while the coach is obviously powerful and dominant.

While the above principle may seem glaringly obvious, most of us fail to see that same principle in action in our daily lives: the people we hang out with are affecting us for the better or for the worse.

One such example is dominant, domineering, self centered and selfish people.

Continue reading “Selfish people rob your confidence” »