In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the power of admitting you are wrong and the dangers of claiming infallibility.

First a quick update:

****  Dating success or failure; body language secrets? – How can you tell if your date is going well? Read the article where I reveal the  seven signs that your date is really into you and the seven signs when your date is not into you: http://www.datingwebsites.org/2011/11/datingwebsites-org-body-language-expert-panel/

****  How to survive The Holidays & Holiday stress – Are you looking for tips and strategies about how avoid
Holiday stress and arguments, read my two articles -
“Easing Holiday Stress” and “Avoiding Holiday Arguments”:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/easing-holiday-stress/
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/avoiding-holiday-arguments-fights/

Now, let’s talk about the damage of trying to be infallible causes and why admitting when you are wrong improves relationships.

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Whom do you think of when you read this quote and description?

“The world has come to know [him] for his insatiable greed for power, his ruthlessness, cruelty and utter lack-of feeling, his contempt for established institutions and his lack of moral restraints.”

And whom do you think of when you read this quote and description?

“His primary rules…: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it.”

And what about this description?

“Those who surround him are the first to admit that he now thinks himself infallible and invincible. That explains why he can no longer bear either criticism or contradiction. To contradict him is in his eyes a crime of ‘lese-majeste’; opposition to his plans, from whatever it may come, is a definite sacrilege, to which the only reply is an immediate and striking display of his omnipotence.”

Which people in your life did you think of when reading those quotes?

A politician or political candidate?

A boss?

A former abusive partner?

All three above quotes are the description of the psychological profile of the same person.

Continue reading “Admit you are wrong” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss why you should be grateful and the surprising benefits of gratitude – including insomnia and poor sleep.

First a quick update:

****  “Never Satisfied: Why Powerful Men Cheat” – Mel Gibson, Prince Charles, Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse James, Marc Anthony, Brent Favre, Rolling stones Ron wood, Evangelist Ted Haggard, US  President Bill Clinton, Governor Elliot Spitzer, Governor Mark Sanford, Senator John Edwards, Brad Pitt, and the list goes on. Watch the TV special where I and a panel of experts reveal the real reasons powerful men cheat. The show airs on the Biography Channel at 10pm EST on Thursday, Dec. 8th.

Now, let’s talk about why you should be grateful and the surprising benefits of gratitude – including insomnia and poor sleep.

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The USA and Canada celebrate Thanksgiving Day. It stems from the tradition of giving thanks for a good harvest and rejoicing together after much hard work with the rest of the community. The first Europeans in the Americas also celebrated their safe voyage, peace and good harvest.

Today, many people can easily argue that they have fewer reasons to give thanks – world turmoil, uprisings, wars, terrorism, unemployment, foreclosures, ailing economy, increasing poverty, divided communities and nations, civil unrest, broken families, and so forth.

On the other hand, we see rampant narcissism and entitlement – Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kris Humphries cost ten million dollars but she divorced him after 72 days. All the money, fame, power, influence and glamour still left her unhappy and wanting.

But that is the very cause of unhappiness, confusion and depression – entitlement, greed and the belief that nothing is ever enough.

Yes, there are serious problems around the world today but we are brainwashed on a daily basis with the message that there is something wrong with us, something missing in our lives and we are not good enough – we need to buy this product and amass more stuff; we need to be like Kim Kardashian or some other celebrity or idol.

Thus the cycle begins and we strive to do more, be more and have more – the feelings of entitlement, greed and jealousy enter and we never appreciate anything we have no matter how large or how small because we are always focused on what’s missing, what’s lacking.

“If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get” – Frank A. Clark.

But why even be thankful?

Continue reading “Why even be thankful?” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the three lessons from the scandal of sexual abuse that has rocked Penn State University.

First a quick update:

****   How to survive The Holidays & Holiday stress – if you want to enjoy the Holidays and have fun and avoid Holiday stress and arguments, read my two articles – “Easing Holiday Stress” and “Avoiding Holiday Arguments”:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2007/11/27/easing-holiday-stress/
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2007/12/04/avoiding-holiday-arguments-fights/

****   Battle of the sexes: Why Herman Cain will ultimately lose – Is Herman Cain, guilty of the allegations and accusations that he groped and sexually harassed women? The answer may now be irrelevant because he has unknowingly made a major strategic error. Read my insights: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/battle-of-the-sexes-why-herman-cain-will-ultimately-lose/

****   Guru to be sentenced – Self-help Guru and teacher from The Secret, James Arthur Ray will be sentenced this week for the 3 deaths in his sweat lodge. Listen to the revealing interview about Gurus, cults and brainwashing http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#guruscultbrainwashing
and watch the  TV interview I gave : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvMyoFLdQQ0

Now, let’s talk about the three lessons we can learn from the scandal of sexual abuse that has rocked Pennsylvania State University.

For people outside the US: Penn State University, former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky has been charged with 40 counts of sexually abusing children – assaulting eight boys over 15 years (1994 – 2009) and school administrators have been criticized for knowing about the allegations but doing nothing. Sandusky has pleaded not guilty and Penn State legendary football coach Joe Paterno (the winningest coach in Division I college football) and University President Graham B. Spanier have been fired.

Meanwhile, the CEO of the charity organization “The Second Mile” Jack Raykovitz has resigned in response to reports that Sandusky had abused boys he met through the charity. Jerry Sandusky formed “The Second Mile” in 1997 as a group foster home for troubled boys.

The scandal will widen further as more victims come out and as more information is revealed about people across the board (within Penn State, law enforcement and possibly even the charity Second Mile) who either took no action or tried to protect or cover-up Sandusky and the alleged sexual abuse. And therein lays the similarities between the Penn State scandal and the pedophilia that was exposed within the Catholic Church when it was revealed that for years bishops throughout the US had simply transferred guilty priests from one church to another and never alerted parents or police.

There are three key lessons to be gleaned from the Penn State sexual abuse scandal as well as the sexual abuse that occurred within the Catholic Church.

1. Stop creating false Gods

Whom do we idolize and why? It is easy to lose our individual identity and believe that all of our significance, value and self-worth come from the institution or tribe to which we belong – a church, a college, a corporation, a group, organization or a sport. It is easy for us to idolize, create a hero or worship a person whom we believe has achieved great things. But when we idolize a person rather than admire his/her achievements, we lose our power, we create a myth and we end in denial of truth and reality. Even the students of Penn State who rioted en masse could not accept that possibly their hero Joe Paterno, the man with most wins in college football history could have failed to have done more to protect those children who were raped and sodomized – whose lives were ruined and stolen.

We need to beware of the myth and false significance to which we give any group. No institution, no tribe, no individual and no myth that we attach to any of them, is more significant than the need and duty to protect helpless children. False Gods lead to cults. Some critics claim the atmosphere at Penn was cult-like. (Read “The Cult of Penn State” http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-1113-hubler-pennstate-20111113,0,4148222.story )

2. Use courage and anger to protect victims

In 2000, James Calhoun, a janitor at Penn State witnessed Jerry Sandusky in the showers with a young boy, pinned up against the wall, performing oral sex on the boy. Calhoun told other janitorial staff but never made a report.

But why didn’t James Calhoun act in the moment to stop the sexual abuse and protect the child?

Why didn’t he call police that same day?

Continue reading “Penn State – false Gods, anger & morality” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explore the two types of fears and the link to the question “What are you hiding?”

First a quick update:

****  Chaz Bono – threatened to sue the National Enquirer over an article that claims that his weight, stress, and the medications and issues associated with his gender reassignment, could increase the likelihood of an early death. The article cited me as a Human Behavior Expert but also left out critical quotes and analyses of mine and I therefore recorded an urgent video message to Chaz. Watch it here: http://youtu.be/3zu64DvHhWU But in a new photo, it also seems that Chaz is defiant in spite of the warnings to his health. Read more on my blog:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/chaz-bono-weight-stress-transgender-suicide-and-health-risks/

Now, let’s talk about the two primary fears and what you might be hiding.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

- Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, social activist, first lady and the wife of US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Fear can be separated into two categories:

1. Physiological/Neurological

2. Cognitive/Emotional.

Physiological Fear

Physiological Fear refers to fear of organic origin, hardwired in the brain – such as Fight or Flight Syndrome (when we feel our physical safety or survival is threatened and we unconsciously automatically respond with the reflex to defend or to run.) Physiological Fear originates in our reptilian brain or brain stem (the most primitive part of the human brain.) The reptilian brain is responsible for functions connected to our survival:

• Breathing
• Digestion
• Circulation
• Elimination
• Temperature
• Fight or Flight
• Movement, posture and balance

Cognitive/emotional fear

While infants are born with only two primary fears (falling and loud noises – both of which impact or seem to threaten survival) recent studies reveal that people aren’t born afraid of spiders and snakes: fear is quickly learned during infancy. (Current Directions in Psychological Science – Vanessa LoBue of Rutgers University, David H. Rakison of Carnegie Mellon University and Judy S. DeLoache of the University of Virginia.)

This is an example of a learned fear based on past experience, perception, judgment and negative anticipation. Another example of cognitive/emotional fear – learned fears – is the fear your feel when taking an exam, doing your tax returns or asking someone out on a date. Learned fears including phobias and anxieties occur once we learn to attach and associate pain with a particular event i.e. a young boy rejected by a girl may quickly associate emotional pain (humiliation, shame, rejection) with girls and thus he learns to fear dating and relationships. A girl molested as a child may learn to fear intimacy later in life.

Physiological and Cognitive/Emotional Fears both ultimately involve the avoidance of pain – physical or emotional. And the latest studies reveal that our brains process emotional pain in a way that seems to mimic the way our brains process physical pain. In other words, it is difficult for us to clearly distinguish the difference between physical and emotional pain. However, it is also apparent that humans seem to be able to override physical fears with greater ease than overcoming emotional fears.

Continue reading “What are you hiding?” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the second greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life.

First a quick update:

****  Spring Cleaning for the Soul – Unknowingly, we always take the past with us into future relationships. Does your emotional baggage have you stuck in a rut? Read my insights and clear out room for romance with these life-changing tips:  http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=17858327

****  Liars, cheaters and adulterers – the politicians – With the uprisings around the world against corrupt politicians and regimes and given the recent allegations of past sexual harassment against US Herman Cain, this partial list of cheating politicians of all political ideologies will shock readers: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/lies-cheaters-and-adulterers-the-politicians/

Now, let’s talk about the second greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life.

Okay, you are probably wondering “What is the number one greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life?”

From working with clients over many years, I have found that the greatest cause of pain, hardship and suffering is the perceived inability and choice not to forgive – lack of forgiveness and compassion for oneself and others. Notice I use the words “perceived inability and choice”; most of us think that we cannot forgive when in reality, it is still a choice, albeit a very difficult one – particularly when we are referring to that one person about whom we adamantly state “I could never forgive him/her!” Sometimes, that him/her is us – ourselves – and we continue to not only carry guilt but to subconsciously punish ourselves – depriving ourselves of love, joy and all the good that life has to offer. Remember, too, that anytime you feel guilty you will find ways to punish or sabotage yourself. After all, what do we do with someone that is found guilty? We punish them!

The third greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life is our inability or refusal to accept the things we cannot change – people and things beyond our control. And our struggle to control the things we cannot control only causes anxiety and further stress.

That now brings us back to the second greatest obstacle to our happiness and success.

At Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center I was teaching a class about the ways to identify emotional vampires – how to deal with them and how to rid those toxic people from your life.  (Also read my articles “Dealing with toxic friends”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-toxic-friends/ and “Dealing with emotional vampires”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/ )

It is easy to become sucked into thinking that somehow we are responsible for these emotional vampires or toxic people.

But this mantra serves as powerful protection:

“I understand that the way others respond to me is about them.”

Continue reading “The second greatest obstacle to happiness and success” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the power to break bad habits, transform your beliefs and change your life – simply by doing the opposite.

First a quick update:

****  Relationships – Beware of emotional vampires – Chances are you know someone who sucks the life right out of you. What can you do about these emotional vampires? Read my insights and quotes on MSN/Glo.com: http://glo.msn.com/relationships/beware-of-emotional-vampires-7530.gallery You can also read my detailed article with additional strategies about how to deal with emotional vampires: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/

Now, let’s talk about doing the opposite and how that can change your life.

In a famous episode of the NBC sitcom, Seinfeld, George (Jason Alexander) has just returned from the beach and enters Monks Café to share with Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) his epiphany.

George: It’s not working, Jerry. It’s just not working.

Jerry: What is it that isn’t working?

George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but … I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat … It’s all been wrong.

(A waitress comes up to George)

Waitress: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

George: Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted. with a side of potato salad, and a cup of tea.

Elaine: Well, there’s no telling what can happen from this.

Jerry: You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, ‘cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.

George: Good for the tuna.

(A blonde woman looks at George)

Elaine: Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.

George: So what? What am I supposed to do?

Elaine: Go talk to her.

George: Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.

Jerry: Well here’s your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.

George: Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.

Jerry: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

George: Yes. I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

Continue reading “Do the opposite” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about ‘how special are you?’ and the difference between plastic self-esteem and authentic self-esteem.

First a quick update:

****  Hollywood continues to portray women as sexual objects – “The new female comedian has to be the sexual aggressor, sexually provocative, dominant & successful.” Read my insights on FoxNews.com: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/10/12/new-crop-comediennes-combine-funny-bones-with-banging-bodies/

Now, let’s talk about “How special are you?”

“On a reality TV show, a girl planning her Sweet Sixteen wants a major road blocked off so a marching band can precede her grand entrance on a red carpet. Five times as many Americans undergo plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures as ten years ago, and ordinary people hire fake paparazzi to follow them around to make them look famous. High school students physically attack classmates and post YouTube videos of the beatings to get attention. And for the past several years, Americans have been buying McMansions and expensive cars on credit they can’t afford.” – The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement – by Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell. 2009

Jean Twenge is a Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University. She quotes me in her book above speaking about celebrity narcissism, Paris Hilton and others.

In an hour-long recorded conversation, Professor Twenge and I debated various points about narcissism and its causes. Professor Twenge believes that narcissism became widespread from the 1980s onwards largely due to parenting, the media and the self-esteem movement. (You can listen to our recorded interview and conversation here: http://patrickwanis.com/selflove/Packages.asp

“We live in a time when high self-esteem is encouraged from childhood, when young people have more freedom and independence than ever, but also far more depression, anxiety, cynicism, and loneliness… More than any other generation in history, the children of Baby Boomers are disappointed by what they find when they arrive at adulthood.” – Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled — and More Miserable Than Ever Before – by Jean M. Twenge. 2006

Professor Twenge and I have differing opinions about self-esteem as the cause of narcissism. Professor Twenge argues that parents continually tell their children how special they are and therefore the children grow up feeling entitled and turn into narcissists.  However, I refer to narcissism as fake or plastic self-esteem and argue therefore that authentic self-esteem is not the cause of narcissism.

A narcissistic person is self-promoting, self-indulgent, selfish, self-serving, promiscuous, highly competitive, unable to form meaningful relationships, displays strong and aggressive reactions to criticism or rejection, suffers from deep insecurities and is motivated by instant gratification.

But I do agree with Professor Twenge that parents are a primary cause of narcissism: not when tell their children they are special but when they tell them that they are special for no reason. And here is where the argument begins, not with the academic psychologists and researchers but rather with the New Age teachers who believe that we are all naturally special and wonderful because we are children of God or some similar argument i.e. we are all wonderful for just being here.

While that principle sounds poetically and philosophically inspiring and warming to the heart, it doesn’t translate with the psychological and behavioral development of a child. Here we are presented with two extremes – 1. The parents who destroy a child’s self-esteem by continually judging, condemning and criticizing the child and; 2. The parents who create narcissists by continually telling their children they are special and winners even when they do nothing at all (thus instilling fake self-esteem, entitlement and greed.)

Continue reading “How special are you?” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the meaning and significance of four words that inspired a man who would become a visionary, pioneer and creative genius: “Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.”

First a quick update:

****  Cheaters, Deconstructed – An Expert Divulges Why Men Stray – Why do men cheat? Is there simply one answer or many? Are there common threads in a man’s biology and psychology that can be used to understand his betrayal? Read the insights and quotes I gave to MSN and Glo.com about the various factors and motivations of the cheating man http://glo.msn.com/relationships/cheaters-deconstructed-1534418.story

Now, let’s talk about the lesson to “Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.”

Steve Jobs was a controversial man – an American inventor and entrepreneur, a technology industry icon who co-founded Apple Inc. and whose company is responsible for the Macintosh computer, the iPhone, iPod and iPad. Apple’s technologies and Steve Jobs’ contributions have resulted in a heightened ability to share ideas, music, art and creativity.

Steve Jobs was also controversial because Apple was criticized for using cheap Chinese labor over American labor and for aggressively attempting to patent simple things that probably shouldn’t and which would potentially negatively impact creativity and innovation by the same company that defended creativity and innovation. For example, Apple filed a motion to stop Samsung from selling its Galaxy Tablet and some smartphones based on patents that the iPad-maker holds. Samsung responded by claiming that Apple got the idea and design for a tablet computer (the iPad) from the 1968 Stanley Kubrick film (and Arthur C. Clarke’s book) 2001: A Space Odyssey in which the astronauts eat while watching a TV show on flat, personal computers. “…he would plug in his foolscap-size newspad into the ship’s information circuit and scan the latest reports from Earth. One by one he would conjure up the world’s major electronic papers… Switching to the display unit’s short-term memory, he would hold the front page while he quickly searched the headlines and noted the items that interested him.” – Arthur C. Clarke – “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

Controversies aside, Steve Jobs was a successful businessman, visionary and entrepreneur. Jobs and Steve Wozniak started Apple at age 20 and within 10 years, Apple had grown from two people in a garage into a two billion dollar company with over 4,000 employees.

But Steve Jobs’ story is much more inspiring than simply his financial success. And there are some key lessons from his life.

Jobs was born to a young unwed graduate student who decided to give him away for adoption with the proviso that the adopting parents would ensure he would go to college when he grows up.

Despite his biological mother’s initial protests, Steve Jobs was given away to a working class couple (the mother had never graduated from college and the father had never graduated from high school.) But Steve Jobs went to college and within the first six months, Jobs awoke to realize that he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life or how college would help. He also felt guilty that his parents’ hard-earned money was being wasted.

Jobs decided to follow his “curiosity and intuition”: he dropped out, but he dropped in on a few classes that struck his interest. One of those classes was calligraphy and Jobs knew there was no practical application at the time but ten years later when he designed the first Macintosh computer, Jobs recalled those classes and saw the connection as he added beautiful typography and multiple typefaces to the Mac computer.

“Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Steve Jobs had to say no to what he didn’t want so that he could say yes to what he did want. Jobs had found what he loved at a very young age.

But at age 30, due to clashing visions, Steve Jobs was fired from his own company, Apple, by the Board of Directors. At first, Jobs felt like a failure but then had his second awakening: although he had been rejected, Jobs was still in love with what he did.

“The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”

Jobs formed a company named NeXT and then started Pixar, now the most successful animation studio in the world. Apple eventually bought NeXT and Jobs was back with Apple.

“Sometimes life’s going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love.”

But finding what you love is only one part of the formula because it is easy to lose your way, lose heart or allow fear to take over.

“…for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something…Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

But there was one other mantra to which Steve Jobs adhered; four simple words that he would see on the back of “The Whole Earth Catalog” when he was just nineteen:

“Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.”

But what do those words truly mean?

Hunger is what drives a man to hunt.

Hunger is a motivator; it makes us ravenous.

Hunger is the passion that drives us to chase what we desire.

When we think of someone that is fully fed, we think of someone sitting back, content, relaxed, laid back and ready to sleep. But a hungry man has drive and desperation for food. What is your food? For what are you hungry? What is that drives and pushes and motivates you?

Doing what you love!

Foolishness is something we often attribute to youth. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child” (Proverbs 22:15.)

The dictionary defines foolish as:

1.         Unwise; silly

2.         Resulting from folly or stupidity

3.         Ridiculous or absurd; not worthy of consideration

4.         Weak-minded; simple

So what benefit can there be by staying foolish?

Foolishness can also be subjective, a victim of the fear of the majority.

When Steve Jobs told his parents he was dropping out of college, like most parents, they would have considered it an act of folly, truly unwise. When he and Steve Wozniak decided to start a computer company in a garage, many people would have considered it foolish, ridiculous or absurd, particularly in 1975 when college and 9-5 jobs were the norm. And in 1986, when he decided to invest ten million dollars to start Pixar animation, many must have thought Jobs weak-minded – the company almost went bust in 1990, and the hit feature “Toy Story” wouldn’t come out for another 5 years!

Staying foolish implies taking risks, ignoring the good opinion of other people and sticking to your vision in spite of the criticism or mockery.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Stay hungry! Stay foolish!

(The quotes above by Steve Jobs are taken from the 114th Commencement Address to graduating students of Stanford University on June 12, 2005. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/stay-hungry-stay-foolish-steve-jobs-stanford-speech-transcript/ )

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the fear to speak up and reveal what drives it and how to overcome it.

First a quick update:

****  Protecting your children from you! – Parents often warn their children to be wary of the danger of strangers and yet the majority of emotional and psychological harm done to children is caused by the parents. Watch this interview where I reveal the three things that parents do that truly harm their children emotionally and psychologically. Click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwTrk6LpqK4

Now, let’s talk about the fear to speak up – what drives it and how to overcome it.

Recently, protests have been staged in a number of US cities against Wall St and major corporations as people are beginning to stand up to corporations accusing them of a lack of responsibility and accountability. Interestingly, though, studies reveal that fear is a common element in modern working life; people are afraid to speak up in their job, particularly in large corporations.

In 2006, Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson and assistant professor at Smeal College of Business at Penn State University James Detert researched the reasons that employees are afraid to speak up. (“Everyday failures in organizational learning: Explaining the high threshold for speaking up at work.”)

Professor Edmondson said that an organization approached them “to better understand why some employees would speak up and others would instead withhold potentially valuable information.”

After extensive research, Professors Edmondson and Detert came to conclusions that are easily extracted from everyday relationships:

1. Personality – people are afraid to speak up because of personality and individual traits
2. Context – the fear is also driven or worsened by the job setting and the boss’ behavior

“…employees aren’t failing to provide ideas or input because they’ve “checked out” and just don’t care, but because of fear” says Professor Edmondson.

The term “speak up” implies that in our perception, we are speaking to someone higher than us, to a superior or to someone who wields some type of power over us.

Noel is married with two young children and is successful in his business but he complained to me of a sense of disillusionment, apathy and depression. When asking him what he truly wants, Noel said that amongst other things, he longs to move out of New York City and live in a quiet rural or less populated area. But he hasn’t spoken with his wife. Why?

Continue reading “The fear to speak up” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the impact a father has on his children and reveal that boys become more masculine when their father hugs them.

First a quick update:

****  Is he really into you? Is your relationship going to last? – A picture is worth a thousand words. Do you want to know what your boyfriend’s body language says about your relationship? Here’s your chance to get the truth. For a limited time, get the star-studded treatment and the truth about what your and your partner’s body language reveals. Click here: http://patrickwanis.com/body-language-analysis-from-video-photo.asp

Now, let’s talk about how dads can boost their children’s self-esteem and why it is so critical for a father to hug his son and express affection.

“Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later . . . that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could . . . adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life.” – Tom Wolfe, “Bonfire of the vanities.”

Tom Wolfe got it right; dads have a huge impact on their children. A loving father who remains actively involved has a positive effect on his child’s social, cognitive and intellectual development and self-esteem.

In fact, studies reveal that fathers play a major role in whether or not their children choose to abuse alcohol and drugs. In May 2000, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA) surveyed 2,000 teens and 1,000 parents and found that teens in two-parent families who have fair to poor relationships with their fathers are 68 percent more likely to smoke, drink and use drugs.

In another study, Effects of Family Structure on the Adolescent Separation-Individualism Process, by Susan J. McCurdy, Avraham Scherman 1996, it was revealed that adolescents ages 14 to 19 have higher self-esteem and less depression when they have greater intimacy with their fathers.

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