In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss relationship ultimatums and “reverse ultimatums” in relationships.

First a quick update:

****  Letting go of this past year and transforming the New Year: At the end of the year, it is natural to feel overwhelmed by a vast array of emotions. Read my article and learn the 7 steps to transforming the New Year: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/letting-go-of-this-past-year-and-transforming-the-new-year/

****  Deaths and lack of self-help industry regulations: Listen to the radio interview I gave to NPR where I talk about Sweat lodge deaths, gurus and lack of self-help industry regulations – http://kjzz.org/content/1112/sweat-lodge-tragedy-highlights-lack-self-help-industry-regulations

****  FOX News Channel – watch my Top 5 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2011 this Saturday December 31^st live at 7:40 AM EST on FOX News channel

Now, let’s talk about ultimatums and reverse ultimatums in relationships.

Around the Holiday Season, some women expect, hope and pray for a marriage proposal or serious commitment from their boyfriend.

Debbie wrote last Christmas:

“I have been with my boyfriend for four years now and we’re living together for two of those years. We had talked about marriage about 2 years ago and I was waiting for him to propose to me this Christmas. I am so devastated that he didn’t and I don’t know what to do…What about if I issue him an ultimatum – marry me or it’s over? Do you think that will work?”

An ultimatum is a proposition that comes with terms and conditions – it involves a threat: ‘meet my demands or else I will do such and such.’

A reverse ultimatum involves a counter proposition, which I will explain shortly.

Various reporters have often asked me for my expert opinion about whether or not a woman should ever issue an ultimatum to a man. The answer is generally “No. And there is a more effective approach.” And I will reveal the “more effective approach” in a moment.

First, it is critical to understand the way men think. In my article “Why don’t you change?” I reveal that men do not like to change.  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/why-dont-you-change/

“Sadly, men generally don’t have any interest in changing until they truly need to change – when the pain becomes so strong that they realize they must change i.e. when the wife threatens to divorce her husband unless he attends counseling or changes a specific habit. And even then, the man will only change when and if he is willing and ready. And ladies, please understand that it takes men years to change, mature and evolve.

“Men resist change because they also often feel that it threatens their individuality and freedom. I am not saying men are right but I am saying that women would be better off by: 1. Choosing a man who matches their values 2. Loving the man for who he is rather than trying to mold him into what they want him to be.

Continue reading “Ultimatums & reverse ultimatums in relationships” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how to go beyond controlling anger to how to overcome anger.

First a quick update:

****  “Always Feeling Like You Need A Guy: What’s With This?” – Read my quotes as well as my controversial response to the comments in the article for HerCampus.com:

http://www.hercampus.com/love/always-feeling-you-need-guy-whats

****  “It’s not easy feeling green (with envy)” – Read the USA Today article which features some of my quick tips on ways to deal with contextual jealousy: http://yourlife.usatoday.com/sex-relationships/story/2011-12-14/Its-not-easy-feeling-green-with-envy/51896888/1

Now, let’s talk about how to control and release anger.

In my article, “The roots of anger” (http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/the-roots-of-anger/), I reveal that:

“The dictionary defines anger as an emotion – a feeling of strong displeasure and belligerence. But anger is much more than that. Anger is the almost immediate response to being hurt, injured or wronged; the hurt or injury can be a physical, emotional or psychological pain. Beneath that anger is a deeper pain. In other words, while the unsafe expression of anger can cause problems, anger in itself is not the problem, but rather, it is the symptom of another problem, emotion or belief.”

In other words, there often is another emotion beneath the anger (betrayal, rejection, fear, insecurity, worthlessness, feelings of injustice, violation and so forth.) But I also mentioned above that anger can be the symptom of another belief i.e. there is a reason that we hold onto that anger; oftentimes there is a powerful benefit to holding onto that anger and sometimes it is driven by resentment and self-pity.

Denny Seiwell has been a professional drummer playing since he was a teenager and has worked with some of the biggest names in the music industry – Paul McCartney, Joe Cocker, James Brown, The Who Astrud Gilberto, Deniece Williams, Art Garfunkel, Billy Joel and many more. Danny was one of the original members of Paul McCartney’s band “Wings.”

Danny was introduced to alcohol at age 13 and it became a way to deal with his problems, even though it almost destroyed his life as he tried to avoid facing his real pain and feelings.

“I had one big problem in life, and I had no way of dealing with that problem other than pouring alcohol on it. The more alcohol I poured on it, the more the problem grew, and then I had more problems. Pretty soon it just fed into every area of my life. A typical day: I’d roll a joint in the morning, get high, get a burrito from Poquito Mas, have some beers in the morning, and at noon, I’d start drinking Stolis. I just didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. What I was feeling was resentment, because there was this big piece of work that I did years ago that I didn’t get paid for, and I couldn’t live with that. It should have taken care of my wife and me financially for the rest of our lives, and it just didn’t happen that way. The only way I knew how to deal with that was to slam booze. Those days were just really horrible.”

(From the book “Moments of Clarity” by Christopher Kennedy Lawford)

Danny was stuck in anger, resentment and self-pity; the anger was driven by the resentment and self-pity. Beneath that anger was the choice to try and avoid facing the responsibility of dealing with the bad business deal; Danny was avoiding seeking amends, avoiding accepting what might have been beyond his control, and avoiding having to face the reality of taking charge of his life by seeking new business deals. In other words, there will be times in our life when things go wrong, we might even be ripped off, betrayed or robbed of an opportunity, and we can stay stuck in self-pity or decide to seek out and create other opportunities. The balance here is identifying what we can and cannot control. and only responding accordingly to what we can control.

Continue reading “How to control anger” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explore the Christmas brouhaha, with the intention of finding peace, balance and happiness.

First a quick update:

****  Special – Half -off everything: Starting today and running till midnight Saturday, I am offering you fifty-percent off all of my products. That’s right half-off everything. Note: you will get the discount at the shopping cart. www.patrickwanis.com

****  “Are Guys Intimidated by Success? Why the Girl Who Has Everything Doesn’t Have a Boyfriend” – Read my quotes as well as my  controversial response to the comments in the article for HerCampus.com: http://www.hercampus.com/love/are-guys-intimidated-success-why-girl-who-has-everything-doesnt-have-boyfriend

****  Alec Baldwin and inflated sense of self – Read my revised list of the Top Ten Celebrity Meltdowns of 2011 which now includes Alec Baldwin who 5 years ago called his 11-year-old daughter, “A thoughtless little pig”, now threw a tantrum on a plane, locked himself in the bathroom after violating FAA regulations and then ridiculed the airline and crew with an SNL spoof where he referred to himself as “An American hero.”
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/the-top-ten-celebrity-meltdowns-of-2011/

Now, let’s talk about Christmas, Christmas history, the controversy and whether or not there is a possibility to find a balance and peace between religious people and atheists.

For decades, it has been heralded as “the most wonderful time of the year”:

With the kids jingle belling

And everyone telling you “Be of good cheer”

So says the popular Christmas song by Andy Williams that dates back to 1963. But the brouhaha about Christmas continues to get louder and louder, with very little cheer.

One example is the famous Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica, California where for 60 years Christians had displayed Nativity scenes for a whole city block. But this year, 18 of the 21 displays in the park are by atheists. In fact, churches were granted two of the 21 display sites, and one went to Isaac Levitansky of Chabad Channukah Menorah.

American Athiests Inc. claims they have 37 million members, and ironically, since 1963, the year of the famous song “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

One of their banners on display quotes Thomas Jefferson:

“Religions are all alike – founded upon fables and mythologies.”

Christmas is the celebration of Jesus’ birth but not even the churches can agree on the date or year.

The Catholic Church’s official commentary on the New Testament states that “Though the year of Jesus birth is not reckoned with certainty, the birth did not occur in AD 1.” Other religious documents place Jesus’ birthday as March 21st, May 20^th, November 18th and September 11^th. The modern Armenian Apostolic church continues to celebrate Christmas on January 6^th.

So how did Christmas come to be celebrated on December 25^th, the day of the Roman feast of the birth of Mithra, the Indo-Iranian Sun God – Sol Invictus (the Invincible Sun)?

Continue reading “Christmas brouhaha” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 7 steps to help mend a broken relationship and broken heart.

First a quick update:

***  “Never Satisfied: Why Powerful Men Cheat” – Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mel Gibson, Anthony Weiner, Prince Charles, Tiger Woods, , Jesse James, Marc Anthony, Brent Favre, Rolling stones Ron wood, Evangelist Ted Haggard, US  President Bill Clinton, Governor Elliot Spitzer, Governor Mark Sanford, Senator John Edwards, Brad Pitt, and the
list goes on. Watch the TV special where I and a panel of experts reveal the real reasons powerful men cheat. The show airs on the Biography Channel at 10pm EST on Thursday, Dec. 8th

***  When stress makes you ill and crazy – We live in denial and ignorance of the real damage that stress does to us and to our lives. Stress destroys our enjoyment of life as well as our heath. Read my article “You’re not crazy” where I outline all the effects of stress, the illnesses it causes and the signs and symptoms of stress – physical, mental/cognitive, emotional and behavioral. There is also a link there to take the stress test: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/youre-not-crazy/

***  The Top Ten Celebrity Meltdowns of 2011:  – If it were up to Santa, a lot of these naughty and not nice celebrities would not be receiving gifts. Read my fifth annual list along with my insights, perspectives and what we can learn from the bad behavior and meltdowns of celebrities: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/the-top-ten-celebrity-meltdowns-of-2011/

Now, let’s talk about the 7 ways & strategies that can help mend a broken relationship.

The dictionary defines broken as:

1. Having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order
2. Rejected, defeated, or despairing

Both these definitions can apply to a relationship – that it no longer works as one piece and the unity is gone and; the relationship is overcome with feelings of defeat and despair.

We often don’t realize that we are in relationships with everyone in our world and life – not just our romantic partner. We are in relationship with our siblings, work colleagues, boss, employees, parents, neighbors and so forth.

When our relationship is working well, we feel a sense of unity – along with a host of other positive emotions and feelings such as significance, love, joy, power, safety, security, desirability, worthiness, valuable, etc.

An action or series of actions and behaviors on our part or the other person’s part can break the relationship.

Here are seven steps to healing and repairing a broken relationship;

1. Admission

It is easy to live in denial or avoidance and thus to refuse to admit that there is a problem. Denial over an extended period of time can lead to irreparable damage in a relationship because it creates resentment, bitterness, isolation, scorn and contempt. Eventually, the two people learn to live together but actually apart, in two worlds, shutting each other out and forming a precarious business transaction void of emotion, trust or deep respect.

2. Willingness

You and your partner must share a willingness and intention to resolve and heal the relationship.

Continue reading “How to fix a broken relationship & broken heart” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the power of admitting you are wrong and the dangers of claiming infallibility.

First a quick update:

****  Dating success or failure; body language secrets? – How can you tell if your date is going well? Read the article where I reveal the  seven signs that your date is really into you and the seven signs when your date is not into you: http://www.datingwebsites.org/2011/11/datingwebsites-org-body-language-expert-panel/

****  How to survive The Holidays & Holiday stress – Are you looking for tips and strategies about how avoid
Holiday stress and arguments, read my two articles -
“Easing Holiday Stress” and “Avoiding Holiday Arguments”:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/easing-holiday-stress/
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/avoiding-holiday-arguments-fights/

Now, let’s talk about the damage of trying to be infallible causes and why admitting when you are wrong improves relationships.

.

Whom do you think of when you read this quote and description?

“The world has come to know [him] for his insatiable greed for power, his ruthlessness, cruelty and utter lack-of feeling, his contempt for established institutions and his lack of moral restraints.”

And whom do you think of when you read this quote and description?

“His primary rules…: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it.”

And what about this description?

“Those who surround him are the first to admit that he now thinks himself infallible and invincible. That explains why he can no longer bear either criticism or contradiction. To contradict him is in his eyes a crime of ‘lese-majeste’; opposition to his plans, from whatever it may come, is a definite sacrilege, to which the only reply is an immediate and striking display of his omnipotence.”

Which people in your life did you think of when reading those quotes?

A politician or political candidate?

A boss?

A former abusive partner?

All three above quotes are the description of the psychological profile of the same person.

Continue reading “Admit you are wrong” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss why you should be grateful and the surprising benefits of gratitude – including insomnia and poor sleep.

First a quick update:

****  “Never Satisfied: Why Powerful Men Cheat” – Mel Gibson, Prince Charles, Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse James, Marc Anthony, Brent Favre, Rolling stones Ron wood, Evangelist Ted Haggard, US  President Bill Clinton, Governor Elliot Spitzer, Governor Mark Sanford, Senator John Edwards, Brad Pitt, and the list goes on. Watch the TV special where I and a panel of experts reveal the real reasons powerful men cheat. The show airs on the Biography Channel at 10pm EST on Thursday, Dec. 8th.

Now, let’s talk about why you should be grateful and the surprising benefits of gratitude – including insomnia and poor sleep.

.

The USA and Canada celebrate Thanksgiving Day. It stems from the tradition of giving thanks for a good harvest and rejoicing together after much hard work with the rest of the community. The first Europeans in the Americas also celebrated their safe voyage, peace and good harvest.

Today, many people can easily argue that they have fewer reasons to give thanks – world turmoil, uprisings, wars, terrorism, unemployment, foreclosures, ailing economy, increasing poverty, divided communities and nations, civil unrest, broken families, and so forth.

On the other hand, we see rampant narcissism and entitlement – Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kris Humphries cost ten million dollars but she divorced him after 72 days. All the money, fame, power, influence and glamour still left her unhappy and wanting.

But that is the very cause of unhappiness, confusion and depression – entitlement, greed and the belief that nothing is ever enough.

Yes, there are serious problems around the world today but we are brainwashed on a daily basis with the message that there is something wrong with us, something missing in our lives and we are not good enough – we need to buy this product and amass more stuff; we need to be like Kim Kardashian or some other celebrity or idol.

Thus the cycle begins and we strive to do more, be more and have more – the feelings of entitlement, greed and jealousy enter and we never appreciate anything we have no matter how large or how small because we are always focused on what’s missing, what’s lacking.

“If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get” – Frank A. Clark.

But why even be thankful?

Continue reading “Why even be thankful?” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the three lessons from the scandal of sexual abuse that has rocked Penn State University.

First a quick update:

****   How to survive The Holidays & Holiday stress – if you want to enjoy the Holidays and have fun and avoid Holiday stress and arguments, read my two articles – “Easing Holiday Stress” and “Avoiding Holiday Arguments”:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2007/11/27/easing-holiday-stress/
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2007/12/04/avoiding-holiday-arguments-fights/

****   Battle of the sexes: Why Herman Cain will ultimately lose – Is Herman Cain, guilty of the allegations and accusations that he groped and sexually harassed women? The answer may now be irrelevant because he has unknowingly made a major strategic error. Read my insights: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/battle-of-the-sexes-why-herman-cain-will-ultimately-lose/

****   Guru to be sentenced – Self-help Guru and teacher from The Secret, James Arthur Ray will be sentenced this week for the 3 deaths in his sweat lodge. Listen to the revealing interview about Gurus, cults and brainwashing http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#guruscultbrainwashing
and watch the  TV interview I gave : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvMyoFLdQQ0

Now, let’s talk about the three lessons we can learn from the scandal of sexual abuse that has rocked Pennsylvania State University.

For people outside the US: Penn State University, former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky has been charged with 40 counts of sexually abusing children – assaulting eight boys over 15 years (1994 – 2009) and school administrators have been criticized for knowing about the allegations but doing nothing. Sandusky has pleaded not guilty and Penn State legendary football coach Joe Paterno (the winningest coach in Division I college football) and University President Graham B. Spanier have been fired.

Meanwhile, the CEO of the charity organization “The Second Mile” Jack Raykovitz has resigned in response to reports that Sandusky had abused boys he met through the charity. Jerry Sandusky formed “The Second Mile” in 1997 as a group foster home for troubled boys.

The scandal will widen further as more victims come out and as more information is revealed about people across the board (within Penn State, law enforcement and possibly even the charity Second Mile) who either took no action or tried to protect or cover-up Sandusky and the alleged sexual abuse. And therein lays the similarities between the Penn State scandal and the pedophilia that was exposed within the Catholic Church when it was revealed that for years bishops throughout the US had simply transferred guilty priests from one church to another and never alerted parents or police.

There are three key lessons to be gleaned from the Penn State sexual abuse scandal as well as the sexual abuse that occurred within the Catholic Church.

1. Stop creating false Gods

Whom do we idolize and why? It is easy to lose our individual identity and believe that all of our significance, value and self-worth come from the institution or tribe to which we belong – a church, a college, a corporation, a group, organization or a sport. It is easy for us to idolize, create a hero or worship a person whom we believe has achieved great things. But when we idolize a person rather than admire his/her achievements, we lose our power, we create a myth and we end in denial of truth and reality. Even the students of Penn State who rioted en masse could not accept that possibly their hero Joe Paterno, the man with most wins in college football history could have failed to have done more to protect those children who were raped and sodomized – whose lives were ruined and stolen.

We need to beware of the myth and false significance to which we give any group. No institution, no tribe, no individual and no myth that we attach to any of them, is more significant than the need and duty to protect helpless children. False Gods lead to cults. Some critics claim the atmosphere at Penn was cult-like. (Read “The Cult of Penn State” http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-1113-hubler-pennstate-20111113,0,4148222.story )

2. Use courage and anger to protect victims

In 2000, James Calhoun, a janitor at Penn State witnessed Jerry Sandusky in the showers with a young boy, pinned up against the wall, performing oral sex on the boy. Calhoun told other janitorial staff but never made a report.

But why didn’t James Calhoun act in the moment to stop the sexual abuse and protect the child?

Why didn’t he call police that same day?

Continue reading “Penn State – false Gods, anger & morality” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explore the two types of fears and the link to the question “What are you hiding?”

First a quick update:

****  Chaz Bono – threatened to sue the National Enquirer over an article that claims that his weight, stress, and the medications and issues associated with his gender reassignment, could increase the likelihood of an early death. The article cited me as a Human Behavior Expert but also left out critical quotes and analyses of mine and I therefore recorded an urgent video message to Chaz. Watch it here: http://youtu.be/3zu64DvHhWU But in a new photo, it also seems that Chaz is defiant in spite of the warnings to his health. Read more on my blog:
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/chaz-bono-weight-stress-transgender-suicide-and-health-risks/

Now, let’s talk about the two primary fears and what you might be hiding.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

- Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, social activist, first lady and the wife of US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Fear can be separated into two categories:

1. Physiological/Neurological

2. Cognitive/Emotional.

Physiological Fear

Physiological Fear refers to fear of organic origin, hardwired in the brain – such as Fight or Flight Syndrome (when we feel our physical safety or survival is threatened and we unconsciously automatically respond with the reflex to defend or to run.) Physiological Fear originates in our reptilian brain or brain stem (the most primitive part of the human brain.) The reptilian brain is responsible for functions connected to our survival:

• Breathing
• Digestion
• Circulation
• Elimination
• Temperature
• Fight or Flight
• Movement, posture and balance

Cognitive/emotional fear

While infants are born with only two primary fears (falling and loud noises – both of which impact or seem to threaten survival) recent studies reveal that people aren’t born afraid of spiders and snakes: fear is quickly learned during infancy. (Current Directions in Psychological Science – Vanessa LoBue of Rutgers University, David H. Rakison of Carnegie Mellon University and Judy S. DeLoache of the University of Virginia.)

This is an example of a learned fear based on past experience, perception, judgment and negative anticipation. Another example of cognitive/emotional fear – learned fears – is the fear your feel when taking an exam, doing your tax returns or asking someone out on a date. Learned fears including phobias and anxieties occur once we learn to attach and associate pain with a particular event i.e. a young boy rejected by a girl may quickly associate emotional pain (humiliation, shame, rejection) with girls and thus he learns to fear dating and relationships. A girl molested as a child may learn to fear intimacy later in life.

Physiological and Cognitive/Emotional Fears both ultimately involve the avoidance of pain – physical or emotional. And the latest studies reveal that our brains process emotional pain in a way that seems to mimic the way our brains process physical pain. In other words, it is difficult for us to clearly distinguish the difference between physical and emotional pain. However, it is also apparent that humans seem to be able to override physical fears with greater ease than overcoming emotional fears.

Continue reading “What are you hiding?” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the second greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life.

First a quick update:

****  Spring Cleaning for the Soul – Unknowingly, we always take the past with us into future relationships. Does your emotional baggage have you stuck in a rut? Read my insights and clear out room for romance with these life-changing tips:  http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=17858327

****  Liars, cheaters and adulterers – the politicians – With the uprisings around the world against corrupt politicians and regimes and given the recent allegations of past sexual harassment against US Herman Cain, this partial list of cheating politicians of all political ideologies will shock readers: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/lies-cheaters-and-adulterers-the-politicians/

Now, let’s talk about the second greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life.

Okay, you are probably wondering “What is the number one greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life?”

From working with clients over many years, I have found that the greatest cause of pain, hardship and suffering is the perceived inability and choice not to forgive – lack of forgiveness and compassion for oneself and others. Notice I use the words “perceived inability and choice”; most of us think that we cannot forgive when in reality, it is still a choice, albeit a very difficult one – particularly when we are referring to that one person about whom we adamantly state “I could never forgive him/her!” Sometimes, that him/her is us – ourselves – and we continue to not only carry guilt but to subconsciously punish ourselves – depriving ourselves of love, joy and all the good that life has to offer. Remember, too, that anytime you feel guilty you will find ways to punish or sabotage yourself. After all, what do we do with someone that is found guilty? We punish them!

The third greatest obstacle to our happiness and success in life is our inability or refusal to accept the things we cannot change – people and things beyond our control. And our struggle to control the things we cannot control only causes anxiety and further stress.

That now brings us back to the second greatest obstacle to our happiness and success.

At Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center I was teaching a class about the ways to identify emotional vampires – how to deal with them and how to rid those toxic people from your life.  (Also read my articles “Dealing with toxic friends”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-toxic-friends/ and “Dealing with emotional vampires”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/ )

It is easy to become sucked into thinking that somehow we are responsible for these emotional vampires or toxic people.

But this mantra serves as powerful protection:

“I understand that the way others respond to me is about them.”

Continue reading “The second greatest obstacle to happiness and success” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the power to break bad habits, transform your beliefs and change your life – simply by doing the opposite.

First a quick update:

****  Relationships – Beware of emotional vampires – Chances are you know someone who sucks the life right out of you. What can you do about these emotional vampires? Read my insights and quotes on MSN/Glo.com: http://glo.msn.com/relationships/beware-of-emotional-vampires-7530.gallery You can also read my detailed article with additional strategies about how to deal with emotional vampires: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/

Now, let’s talk about doing the opposite and how that can change your life.

In a famous episode of the NBC sitcom, Seinfeld, George (Jason Alexander) has just returned from the beach and enters Monks Café to share with Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) his epiphany.

George: It’s not working, Jerry. It’s just not working.

Jerry: What is it that isn’t working?

George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but … I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat … It’s all been wrong.

(A waitress comes up to George)

Waitress: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

George: Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted. with a side of potato salad, and a cup of tea.

Elaine: Well, there’s no telling what can happen from this.

Jerry: You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, ‘cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.

George: Good for the tuna.

(A blonde woman looks at George)

Elaine: Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.

George: So what? What am I supposed to do?

Elaine: Go talk to her.

George: Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.

Jerry: Well here’s your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.

George: Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.

Jerry: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

George: Yes. I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

Continue reading “Do the opposite” »