In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to answer the question: “Does time heal all?”
First a quick update:
“Family in crisis”
Mark your calendar for Friday July 11, 2008 to watch another appearance of mine on the Montel Williams TV show when I work with a family in crisis, using Hypnotherapy and specific intensely emotional exercises and tasks to help the family face and break through their fears, build trust, and rekindle the romance between mom and dad
Now let’s talk about the process of healing from my book and audio CD set:
“How to Get Over It – breakups, betrayals and rejection”
You may have heard it said that “Time heals all.” Is this true?
I believe not.
If time were the critical factor that leads to all healing then the older we are the happier we would be since time would have healed us. How many people do you know that are still angry, bitter, regretful, sad or deeply depressed about events that occurred ten years ago, or even twenty years ago. Many of us are still grieving over what happened to us as children. Accordingly, I believe time does not heal but rather what we choose to do in that time will heal us. Later in this book, I offer you some powerful techniques to help you speed up the healing –to help you get over it – fast!
The Grieving Process It is believed that there is a process that almost all of us go through when there is a loss that leads to grief, sorrow and pain. And the ending of a relationship, no matter who ended it, can still lead to The Grieving Process.
Denial Although it is argued that the order in the process of grieving may vary, the first step is usually denial. This might translate into comments such as, “It’s not really over. He’s just confused. He will be back I am sure.”
Anger Step two is the outwardly expression of anger. “I can’t believe he did this to me. What a bad person he is.” And you proceed to spend most of your time thinking about he wronged you and how mad and angry you feel, betrayed or rejected.
Bargaining Your feelings are now confused and you are actually thinking you want him or her back. Thus, you may begin to bargain or even beg in order to win back him or her, e.g. you exchange phone calls and emails and you are saying things such as, “I will change. I’ll make you happy…I will clean the house…I’ll do whatever it takes…I want you back…what will it take for you to come back?”
Depression You have now realized that the bargaining didn’t work. You both may have even come to an agreement only to find it didn’t last long, it just didn’t work out. Now you may enter a low point. You turn your anger inwards and you begin to feel helpless and hopeless. You might even blame yourself for what happened and feel guilty or ashamed. Your self-esteem and self-confidence drop dramatically. You may block out the world and you walk around with your head down. You may refuse invitations to go out.
Acceptance Getting to the level of acceptance is the hardest one of all. At this point you are ready to accept what happened and that the relationship is over and you are not going back to it again: “He is the way he chooses to be…I can not change him. The only person I can control is me. The only person I can change is me. If I learn from this relationship I will have a better relationship next time.” Once you have accepted these things in your heart, and you forgive yourself and him or her, you are ready to enter the next step.
Later in this book, I deal in great detail about how to forgive yourself and the other person and why forgiveness is important for you –even if he committed an unforgivable act.
Hope Hope is about looking forward to the future and seeing the world once more as a wonderful place full of glorious possibilities. Hope is about opening up yourself to something new. It’s arriving at the point whereby the past no longer contaminates the present or future. The past has become the past, you enjoy what happens in the present and you have high expectations and positive anticipations for the future. You are ready to welcome new love in your life. You are ready to allow yourself to feel love, ready to allow someone else to trigger those feelings in you.
Words of caution A couple of significant points need to be made here. First, be careful not to depend on time healing you. The tick-tock of a clock will not heal, release or remove your pain or negative emotions. What will heal you and set you free is uncovering and releasing the patterns and faulty beliefs that led to this relationship. Later in this book, I teach you how to achieve this result.
Second, a big mistake many people make is that they enter into a new relationship before they have healed themselves or before they have completed the grieving process. For example, it is not a wise move to enter into a new relationship if you are still sad or depressed otherwise your choice of a new partner will be clouded. Out of desperation to feel better you might hook up with anyone.
Another key point to remember is that when your self-esteem is low you will unknowingly attract people of equally low self-esteem or people who will take advantage of you. When you have a poor self-image and you feel unworthy you may accept being treated poorly just to get any form or love, affection and attention. This action always leads to only more pain, heartbreak and disappointment and only serves to further reinforce your low self-esteem and subconscious belief that you don’t deserve to be treated well. Alternatively, if you have low self-esteem and you enter into a relationship and your new partner is treating you well, it is most likely that you will sabotage the relationship because you don’t feel or believe you deserve to be treated well. Later, in this book, I teach you how to naturally raise your self-esteem.”
From my book and audio CD set: “How to Get Over It – breakups, betrayals and rejection”
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.patrickwanis.com
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.