‘You’ve got to find what you love.’

This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting. Continue reading “Stay hungry – Stay Foolish – Steve Jobs’ Stanford speech transcript” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the mistakes and lessons from Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Ray Cyrus who now claims the TV show destroyed their family.

First a quick update:

**** “Is addiction overruling your relationship?” –Read my insights and suggestions about how to recognize the signs of addiction (when it is time to take action and what steps to take) in the article on Treatment-centers.net – a public benefit addiction treatment resource organization dedicated to helping addicts and alcoholics recover from the devastating effects of drug addiction, alcoholism, dual diagnosis, eating disorders and co-occurring disorders:

http://www.treatment-centers.net/addiction-and-valentine-love.html

Now, let’s talk about the lessons that can be gleaned from the experiences of Billy Ray Cyrus and his daughter Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus is a pop-culture sensation – an actress and pop singer who became famous for her role as a teenager with a secret life as a pop star in Disney’s TV sitcom “Hannah Montana.” But it appears that in real life, Miley is out of control. Her relationship with her father has deteriorated; she’s been involved in various controversies and her father Billy and his wife Tish are divorcing.

The world around Billy Ray Cyrus is crumbling and he now blames the TV show:

“I’ll tell you right now, the damn show destroyed my family” he admits to Chris Heath of GQ magazine. And he adds that he now wishes the TV show had never happened. “I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I’d take it back in a second…For my family to be here and just be everybody OK, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I’d erase it all in a second if I could.”

I have often spoken about the detrimental effect of Hollywood on child stars and their families and I have written about the curse of the reality show and how reality shows often lead to divorce: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/08/reality-shows-lead-to-divorce/ Hulk Hogan has also expressed his regrets over his TV show and the effect it had on his family and the subsequent divorce.

There is no doubt that being in show business, particularly as a child, creates all sorts of problems and can often swallow up and even destroy the very people who set out to entertain us. In a TV interview I revealed that “the child actor is forever perceived as a child but never had a childhood of his or her own – and this is the greatest tragedy!”

Watch the TV interview “Loss of innocence – Why child actors – celebrities suffer so much” – http://patrickwanis.com/Videos.asp

It may seem obvious that a man such as Billy Ray Cyrus, who was already in show business (famous for his 1990s hit song “Achy Breaky Heart”) would have been aware of the dangers of fame and yet, he obviously never before stopped to think about the people who had already paid a dear price for fame.

Continue reading “Miley’s dad – big mistakes – bad parenting” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to invite you to take a quiz that will reveal your level of emotional intelligence (your emotional smarts) and; I offer you some strategies to become more emotionally intelligent.

First a quick update:

****  “The three most dangerous mistakes coaches and therapists make” – Listen to the interview I gave to The Coaching Show with hosts Christopher McAuliffe, MCC and Tara Padua Wise CPC about the three major mistakes made by coaches, therapists, counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists. I also reveal and explain how these mistakes can seriously harm and damage clients as well as the coach’s business. Click here: http://patrickwanis.com/3_Dangerous_Mistakes.asp

****  “Jesse James still doesn’t get it” – Jesse James says he is now deeply sorry, that he wanted to get caught and he threw away a good thing – his marriage to Sandra Bullock but Jesse James also didn’t believe that he deserved such a good thing and had no control over his compulsive desires http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/25/jesse-james-still-doesnt-get-it/

Now, let’s talk about your level of emotional intelligence and ways to raise it; how emotionally smart are you?

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I discussed emotional intelligence and its significance & relevance to your success and enjoyment of life http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/19/emotional-intelligence/ Emotional intelligence is best summed up as your ability to be aware of what you feel and to master your ability to control what you feel so that you can get along with other people. Another key component of emotional intelligence is your ability to express your emotions, perceive and evaluate the emotions of others, and to express empathy and compassion for others.

Here is a simple quiz I have created that will help you to determine how emotionally intelligent you are. Simply respond with a “Yes” or “No” to each of the questions below.

Emotional Intelligence Quiz (Emotional IQ Test)

  Continue reading “How emotionally smart are you?” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the signs and secret to spotting a liar; how to know if he or she is lying to you.

First a quick update:

**** How to connect with anyone – Watch the two-part TV interview I gave to The Morning Show WSFL about the ways we communicate and the techniques and strategies to build instant rapport and connect with anyone. http://patrickwanis.com/Videos.asp

**** Valentine’s Day and personality test – Wondering if your Valentine is the right one? Take the personality test and find out if you are perfectly matched, truly mismatched and which is the most suitable personality type for you: http://patrickwanis.com/WhoAreYouPersonalityTest.asp

Now, let’s talk about how to tell when someone is lying.

Diogenes was a social critic and philosopher who lived in ancient Greece and chose to give up possessions and instead to live in poverty. Diogenes was a cynic; possibly the father of cynicism. Diogenes was famous for lighting a lantern in broad daylight and walking through the streets of Athens waving his lantern and exclaiming that he was looking for an “honest man”.

Diogenes’ cynicism and his search for an “honest man” would be just as appropriate today, if not more, than it was centuries ago. Former Senator John Edwards is one such example. Senator Edwards lied about having an affair and then he lied a second time when he said he was not the father of the unborn child of his mistress Reille Hunter.

But was it obvious that John Edward’s denials were lies? What were the signs that screamed that he was lying? I will answer that in a moment. But first, here are some interesting statistics about lying:

* 42% of adults think it’s OK to lie sometimes

* Only 54% of lies are accurately detected

* 37% of adults think it’s OK to lie about your age

* 2/3 of adults think it is OK to lie sometime to avoid hurting someone’s feelings

* 98% of teenagers lie to their parents

* 40% of parents think it’s OK to lie to their children about the trouble they got into when they were younger

* In a conversation, the average person lies 3 times every ten minutes

* 44% of adults will exaggerate when they tell a story to sound cooler (i.e. be accepted)

* University students lie to their mothers 50% of the time

* We lie in one-third of our conversations with our romantic partners

* We tell the most serious lies to the people we care about the most

We have grown to become cynical when we speak of politicians and honesty. And yet from the statistics above, it is obvious that we all lie. Scientists claim that by the age of four we have all learned to lie. Why do we lie? To protect ourselves and others, to protect others’ feelings, and to get what we want and need – whether or not that is something tangible or intangible such as approval, love, acceptance, validation, and so forth.

As I have written the in past, I believe it is best to speak your truth with compassion and even avoid the white lies:

“Are you coming out with me Mary?”

“Oh, I can’t come out because I am busy John…”

But maybe, if you had no fear, you would have said “I am choosing not to go out with you John!”

So what are the signs of lying?

There are seven universal emotions that are easily recognizable on people’s faces regardless of their culture, age or background:

1. Anger
2. Contempt
3. Fear
4. Disgust
5. Happiness
6. Sadness
7. Surprise

Whenever we experience an emotion, it is reflected in the expression on our face i.e. our brain sends a signal to the muscles in our face. Some of those expressions are very small – known as “micro-expressions” and last a fleeting moment. Many of us have tried, at one time or another, to hide the way we feel, and as such, we might try to change the expression by forcing a smile or grinning. However, we cannot hide our involuntary micro-expressions.

I have explained before that 57% of all of our communication is done non-verbally (body language – facial expressions, etc.); 36% is the tonality of our voice and only 7% is the actual content – the words. Thus, our body language is the reliable source of what we really intend to say, and not our words. We can speak the words but actually intend a completely different meaning or simply be lying.

For example, when we feel sad or defeated – it is first reflected in our face and the stoop of our body and then in the way we speak. Powerful emotions are hard to hide or disguise. And incidentally, sadness is the most difficult expression to fake. Sometimes, we can try and change the way we feel by changing our posture and body language. However, something interesting happens when we lie, our body automatically expresses the real emotion or the truth: we try to consciously lie and override the truth but our subconscious mind overrides the lie and expresses the truth in our body language.

So for example, if someone tells a lie, they will unknowingly and involuntarily do something else with their body, cough, curl their mouth, wrinkle their nose, touch their nose, and so forth. These are signs that there is also involuntary guilt, shame, regret or some other suppressed emotion. It is as if the brain is rebelling against the lie and it is doing so via the body.

The key to determining if there is deception or truth is to look for congruency – when a person tells the truth or something they believe to be the truth, their body, voice and words match – all three are in sync.

Let’s look at some of the key signs that tell you that someone is lying; When a person is lying or engaging in deceit, regardless of their gender, they will:

* Nod their head in a manner opposite to what they are verbally saying (nodding yes but saying no)

* Use their fingers to block their mouth almost immediately after they have spoken their words

* Claim innocence but then gaze down (as if in shame or guilt)

* Touch or rub their nose or eyes or pull on their ear lobe

* Blink their eyes at an extremely fast rate

* Cough

* Curl their mouth or wrinkle their nose

* Fidget with their feet or kick out with their feet

* Their pupils dilate due to increased tension, excitement or concentration

* Never answer the actual question; instead they deflect or ask another question

* Try to change the subject and relax or become happier when the subject is changed

* Respond with deliberate, carefully delivered answers

* Respond very quickly (if they have had a chance to rehearse their answer)

* Respond very slowly if they are caught by surprise

* Less hand gestures that are usually used to illustrate a speech or point (when you choose your words carefully, your hand movements go down or decrease)

* Shift their gaze and won’t look you in the eyes or if they are brazen liars they stare you in the eyes for far too long

* Fake a smile in an attempt to deceive (a real smile reveals the teeth and crinkles the corners of the eyes, almost showing ‘crow’s feet’)

* Put their hands in their pockets (a gesture that indicates the desire to hide something or escape)

It’s also important to note here that the above signs to do not apply to a person that really believes their own lie, because they will be acting subconsciously as if they are telling the truth and as such, their body language will reflect that they are telling the truth.

Scientists and other research psychologists will also tell you that there is not one single way to determine if a person is lying, but I disagree. With the exception of those people who believe their own lies, you can tell when someone is lying by listening to your own intuition, by following your gut. When something doesn’t feel right, it almost always is not.

Pamela Meyer is the author of the book “Liespotting” and is a Certified Fraud Examiner and Harvard MBA. Meyer claims that research reveals that:

* Extroverts lie more than introverts

*  Men tell more “self-oriented” lies (lies to protect their own feelings)

*  Women tell more “other-oriented” lies than men (lies to protect someone else’s feelings)

*  Married people lie less frequently to their partners than unmarried people do

* When married people tell lies to their partners, the lies tend to be grand and significant lies

* People feel less guilty when lying to someone who they perceive as a wrongdoer

Finally, I said I would reveal the signs that John Edwards was lying from the beginning about his affair and the child to his mistress. Of course, if you refer to the signs of lying that I revealed above, then the answers are also obvious. If you watch the interview John Edwards gave to Nightline, he says. “I would welcome participating in a paternity test, be happy to participate in one…happy to take a paternity test…” Every time he uses those words, his head nods the opposite way, thus revealing he doesn’t want the test.

If you would like to comment on this newsletter, go to www.patrickwanis.com/blog if you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.patrickwanis.com

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about ways to deal with the grief and tragedy of Haiti, as well as grief and loss in general.

First a quick update:

ü  Valentine’s Day and personality test – Wondering if your Valentine is the right one? Take the personality test and find out if you are perfectly matched, truly mismatched and which is the most suitable personality type for you: http://patrickwanis.com/WhoAreYouPersonalityTest.asp

ü  Helping the helpers – As my way of helping with the Haiti devastation, I have created two special audio programs to help in dealing with fear, anxiety, stress and trauma. By special request, I have designed these audio programs particularly for volunteers, workers, friends and family of people in Haiti who are also experiencing extreme challenges and stress. Of course, anyone can use them to neutralize fear, anxiety and bad memories. I am giving them away. Please help by also spreading the word and forwarding this link. www.patrickwanis.com/Haiti

Now, let’s talk about the tragedy of Haiti and ways to deal with it as well as grief and loss in general.

It is truly hard to imagine the real pain and suffering that the people of Haiti are experiencing right now, particularly in light of the second 6.1 magnitude aftershock this morning. And it is a challenge to escape the traumatic images that fill the radio, Television and internet.

It is also a common reaction that we begin almost immediately asking “Why did a tragedy and disaster of such a magnitude occur? Why did it happen?”

The US Televangelist Pat Robertson shocked and offended many people when he claimed that the earthquake was the result of Haitians forming a pact with the devil to liberate Haiti from France 200 years ago.

  Continue reading “Dealing with Haiti, loss & grief” »

The following is a transcript of Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL radio interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about Jason Rodriguez,  the man who entered into a building in Orlando, Florida, the office of his former employer, and shot dead one person..”

Good Morning on the WFTL Morning News. Now here’s your host, Russ Morley.

Russ:                          We’re talking about Jason Rodriguez who opened fire in that Orlando office building on Friday killing one, wounding five others. That was Buddy Dyer, the Mayor of Orlando and after that Val Demings, she’s Orlando’s Police Chief commenting on the situation, but it makes you stop and wonder: could this happen at your office building on Broward Boulevard or Westin or Coral Springs? What would it take to have somebody snap like that and on the heels of the shooting at Fort Hood which, I think are pretty much unrelated, but could that have been the thing that triggered Jason Rodriguez to start pulling the trigger?  Joining us this morning is a guy I think we ought to hang up a shingle for at the radio station; we’ve been talking to him so frequently about things like this, Dr. Patrick Wanis, celebrity life coach and human behavior expert out of Miami.  Good morning Doc.

Dr. Patrick Wanis     Good morning Russ. 

Russ:                          What do you think? There was some talk about this on Friday that maybe the Fort Hood shooting, you know, kind of set the bar for this Jason Rodriguez in Orlando. Is that a possibility?  Could that have set him off a little?

Continue reading “Strategies to prevent violence in the workplace” »

His name appears on radical Internet postings. A fellow officer says he fought his deployment to Iraq and argued with soldiers who supported U.S. wars. He required counseling as a medical student because of problems with patients. And it’s claimed that he was criticized for his religious beliefs – for being a Muslim.

There are many unknowns about Nidal Malik Hasan, the army psychiatrist authorities say is responsible for the worst mass killing on a U.S. military base – at Fort Hood. Most of all, his motive.

Why did Maj. Hasan go on a shooting rampage, killing fellow soldiers? Why did he kill 12 soldiers and one civilian?

The Associated Press reported:

As if going off to war, Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan cleaned out his apartment, gave leftover frozen broccoli to one neighbor and called another to thank him for his friendship — common courtesies and routines of the departing soldier. Instead, authorities say, he went on the killing spree that left 13 people dead at Fort Hood, Texas.

The 39-year-old Army psychiatrist emerged as a study in contradictions: a polite man who stewed with discontent, a counselor who needed to be counseled himself, a professional healer now suspected of cutting down the fellow soldiers he was sworn to help.

Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis, Ph.D. says the motives behind the killing of 13 people by the army pyschiatrist may be clearer and more obvious than most people realize. Patrick Wanis says Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan fits the profile of a mass murderer.

Patrick Wanis reveals there are various possible contributing factors that lead to a person becoming a mass killer and says that Army Psychiatrist Hasan fits the profile of a mass murderer.

Click on the link below to download and listen to the interview Patrick Wanis Ph.D. gave to 850 WFTL’s Russ Morley or read the transcription further below. Click here for the radio interview Pyschiatrist kills 13 soldiers 

Transcription of the radio interview:

  Continue reading “Army Psychiatrist kills 13 – why?” »

Below is Part Three of the transcript of a lengthy interview and discussion between Dr. Peter Breggin, author of “Medication Madness – a psychiatrist exposes the dangers of mood-altering medications” and Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Click here to read Part One of the interview

Click here to read Part Two

Click here to listen to the complete interview

Patrick:           Well – and I know that you’re happily married and you have a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment within your relationship which makes you a great role model for a lot of people. But I’m curious about some of the cases, because, right at the beginning, I even used the terms lobotomy and psychosurgery. And I thought to myself, you know, we’ve bandied around the word lobotomy for many years. But was there a time in medicine when they actually removed parts of the brain or here in America did surgery do so in the hope of changing the way you think and feel?

Peter:              Well, it’s – first of all, it still goes on. I’ll give you a brief history and in 1936, a Portuguese surgeon started cutting up – actually he poisoned – he put holes in the brains of mental patients in the state’s mental hospital and poured poison in. Continue reading “Anti-depressants cause deaths, suicides and murder Pt 3” »