Comments on: Why women cheat

By: Why women cheat | Patrick Wanis

Why women cheat | Patrick Wanis — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 02:50:03 +0000

[...] [...]

By: Cheating – why men, women, politicans & pastors cheat | Patrick Wanis

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 00:52:10 +0000

[...] Dr. Wanis also offers clear tips and strategies for men and women to avoid cheating, affairs and betrayal. Read his article, “Why women cheat” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/2010/02/17/why-women-cheat-2/ [...]

By: What women look for in a man | Patrick Wanis

What women look for in a man | Patrick Wanis — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:02:08 +0000

[...] “Why women cheat”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/why-women-cheat-2/ [...]

By: Cheating – why men, women, politicans & pastors cheat » Patrick Wanis

Mon, 22 Nov 2010 18:00:55 +0000

By: Affair-proofing your marriage » Patrick Wanis

Affair-proofing your marriage » Patrick Wanis — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 18:13:31 +0000

[...] Build the emotional connection: Women: don’t stop being nurturing to your husband; men: expect that she will change and evolve physically, mentally and emotionally- work hard to keep the emotional connection alive and strong; give and receive on all levels; Women cheat when they feel invisible and their emotional needs aren’t being met. Read my article “Why women cheat”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/02/17/why-women-cheat-2/ [...]

By: Anon

Anon — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:41:23 +0000

I have a relevant story to share both on this subject and on Patrick Wanis’ ability as a hypnotherapist. I was away from my wife on business and found an old female friend. I knew I was attracted to her and had consciously thought in my mind, think “the secret”, how the evening would go without incident. Thru alcohol and a late evening with her and other friends we ended up fooling around.
I was very distraught the next day. I did not feel particularly bad for my wife (who would never find out), I felt horrible for me and my horrible behavior and was very frustrated how I could let this happen, even though I had mentally prepared for it not to happen (so much for the Secret).
At the next opportunity I scheduled a session with Patrick and with his guidance flushed out the issue which allowed, in fact led, this to happen. It quickly came up that it was related to my father’s behavior. Patrick investigated my opinion of my father as a young child to find out that I had intense respect for him, idolizing him, like I believe most boys do. In fact I idolized him so much I wanted to do everything he did, in fact my identity as a man was tied to imitating him. This works out really well until I was 19 and learned that my father had been cheating on my mother for most of their marriage. They divorced and with Patrick’s help I was able to understand that my need to imitate him also doomed me to cheat, just like him.
This is a horrible revelation, and believe me I understand how it sounds like a cop out. What Patrick was able to do next was guide me, using his process, to understand that in a great many ways my father is a great role model. And there are certainly a number of ways in which he is not. I can look up to my father and extract my identity as a man from him and his behavior. I can be the man I want to be because it is only I who defines what a man is and what man I will be.
Having experienced this process before I knew the conscious understanding of this was easy and would not lead to real resolution. It was at this point with Patricks process that we made sure there was continuity in belief from me as a young child, to me as a teenager, to me as the 19 year old, to me now. It was only when Patrick was able to guide me to this continuity that a felt a real shift and a real sense of relief that I had truly made a change and that I was not doomed to imitate my father’s horrible behavior.

By: Donald Roman Lopez

Donald Roman Lopez — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 07:38:04 +0000

Hey Patrick,

Here is a fun video for you to share with your readers on the subject of the dreaded Putt Putt Syndrome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_8MWbG9mGM

Cheers!

By: Patrick Wanis

Patrick Wanis — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:28:16 +0000

Dear Katrina,

thanks for being open. And I think you meant to say “I think you do women a disservice by NOT holding them accountable.”

And you would be right if that were my approach. I also understand that based on this article, it sounds like I am blaming men for the woman’s actions; but if you also read my latest success newsletter you might change your opinion – “angry nagging men” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/03/03/angry-nagging-men/

In my newsletter, I do say:

“Most men do not want to change and are surprised that their wife has changed. But then they refuse to accept that they have negatively affected the outcome and that they can now affect it in a positive way. Again, please note I am not here saying that the man is all wrong and the wife is perfect nor vice versa. However, when a person waits for the other one to change and she does, too, then the stalemate occurs. ”

I agree with you that each and everyone of us must be held accountable for our actions and choices. We cannot blame someone else for the way we respond (women cannot blame men and vice versa.) We can explain why we did something but that does not justify it.
I am also saying that we influence people. If a man or woman constantly ignores the other person or criticizes them constantly, then the love is detroyed and there is a good chance he or she will look outside the relationship to have his needs met.

If you feel that I am tougher on men than women in my writings, then I might say you are right, because men need to be pushed to accept that they must change. Women welcome change and growth while men fear it and are shocked to learn that their wife or girlfriend has changed.

Now, I also haven’t read the book you mentioned but I am guessing that the way to “Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It” is quite simple: work on yourself. And Katrina, if you read my other books and articles, you will be aware that my key platform is that we cannot change anyone else, we can only change ourselves and we must always be open and willing to work on ourself. And another of my key teachings is that when you change, often people around you will also change or at the very least, if you change and your relationship does not improve then you can walk away knowing you did your best and you have a gift and treasure to take with you – your growth and change.

All the best,

Patrick

By: Katrina

Katrina — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:09:24 +0000

I am starting to feel like you perceive all relationship problems as men’s fault. When men do bad things it is their fault, their ego, their narcissism. When women to bad things it is their mate’s fault.

Most relationships are two imperfect people. Both sides make mistakes.

I think you do women a disservice by holding them accountable. If they have nothing to fix, then they are destined to repeat the same patterns.

This is a wonderful book that address how both men and women can improve their relationship without making either one the bad guy.

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
http://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/0767923189/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267654080&sr=8-1

By: Patrick Wanis

Patrick Wanis — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:54:13 +0000

Dear Errol,

You have raised some valid points. And the first point I would like to make is that we must all accept responsibility for our actions and choices. In other words, man or woman, we cannot blame anyone for the choices we make should we choose to cheat. People can influence us, they can contribute to our decisions, they can even push us into a corner, but, on the final count, we are responsible for our choices and actions. And again, this point refers to both men and women.

Accordingly, Errol, I agree that we need to remember that in any relationship, there is a dynamic, and energy and both partners affect and influence each other; they can bring out the best or the worst in each other. I don’t know what role Elin played in Tiger Wood’s marriage and whatever she did, we must ask ourselves if that explains or justifies in any way, Tiger Woods choosing to cheat and have affairs, trysts and sex with over 14 women. That goes beyond Steve Phillips case where he had one affair with a young girl. In other words, Elin cannot be blamed for her husband having 14 affairs.

You also raised another valid and insightful point: “is there any remote possibility that dead-beat dads could be co-created by ex-wives? My mother wished my dad was dead when they divorced. She did everything to make him a dead beat, except for him being a revenue source.”

I would respond by saying that again, a man can affect a woman in a long-term relationship and vice-versa. I have heard many times from women, stories of how their boyfriend or husband destroyed their confidence and self-esteem and sense of self-worth via mental, physical, verbal or emotional abuse. So, of course, a woman can do the same to her husband. Constant berating, criticism, judgement or condemnation can destroy a person’s self-esteem.

So, finally, yes women (and men) are not complete victims. They do, as you asked, “have power through the immense love in their hearts.” And in my Success Newsletter and article above, do not want people to think that I am saying that women are victims but I am saying that women have needs and if those needs are not met within a marriage or relationship they will look to have those needs met outside. I am also not saying that it is OK, correct or an appropriate response; an affair will almost never do any good for a relationship. The result is always painful and only a few select marriages and relationships can recover and learn from the experience.

Thanks Errol for having the courage to speak out and state your truth!

Patrick