On Valentine’s Day, we expect our partner to show and prove to us the depth of their love, and if he or she doesn’t or if we are single or alone, Valentine’s can be a devastating day.

“We often create our own loneliness”, says Patrick Wanis PhD, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert and author of “Find Love Fast” and “Get Over It.” We close up, shut down, stop trusting or simply lock ourselves inside the house and do fake talk on the internet. Our attitude can shun away others and cause loneliness. For example, if you are a woman, stop trying to be so independent that no man wants to be around you because he feels you don’t need him at all.”

Dr. Wanis says we must take action to experience love and says there are five simple steps to overcoming loneliness:

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the signs and secret to spotting a liar; how to know if he or she is lying to you.

First a quick update:

ü  How to connect with anyone – Watch the two-part TV interview I gave to The Morning Show WSFL about the ways we communicate and the techniques and strategies to build instant rapport and connect with anyone. http://patrickwanis.com/Videos.asp

ü  Valentine’s Day and personality test – Wondering if your Valentine is the right one? Take the personality test and find out if you are perfectly matched, truly mismatched and which is the most suitable personality type for you: http://patrickwanis.com/WhoAreYouPersonalityTest.asp

Now, let’s talk about how to tell when someone is lying.

Diogenes was a social critic and philosopher who lived in ancient Greece and chose to give up possessions and instead to live in poverty. Diogenes was a cynic; possibly the father of cynicism. Diogenes was famous for lighting a lantern in broad daylight and walking through the streets of Athens waving his lantern and exclaiming that he was looking for an “honest man”.

Diogenes’ cynicism and his search for an “honest man” would be just as appropriate today, if not more, than it was centuries ago. Former Senator John Edwards is one such example. Senator Edwards lied about having an affair and then he lied a second time when he said he was not the father of the unborn child of his mistress Reille Hunter.

But was it obvious that John Edward’s denials were lies? What were the signs that screamed that he was lying? I will answer that in a moment. But first, here are some interesting statistics about lying:

ü  42% of adults think it’s OK to lie sometimes

ü  Only 54% of lies are accurately detected

ü  37% of adults think it’s OK to lie about your age

ü  2/3 of adults think it is OK to lie sometime to avoid hurting someone’s feelings

ü  98% of teenagers lie to their parents

ü  40% of parents think it’s OK to lie to their children about the trouble they got into when they were younger

ü  In a conversation, the average person lies 3 times every ten minutes

ü  44% of adults will exaggerate when they tell a story to sound cooler (i.e. be accepted)

ü  University students lie to their mothers 50% of the time

ü  We lie in one-third of our conversations with our romantic partners

ü  We tell the most serious lies to the people we care about the most

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the controversial topic of when men refuse to be “a real man.”

First a quick update:

ü  Tiger Wood’s wife takes him back: John Edwards, Governor Elliot Spitzer and now Tiger Woods. Why do wives take back their cheating husbands? Read the transcript of the radio interview I gave to Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/01/26/tiger-woods-wife-takes-him-back/

ü  Fear, anxiety & grief relief – George Clooney and Wyclef Jean organized and led the Hope for Haiti Telethon which raised 58 million dollars. At Wyclef’s request, I’ve just created a special audio program to help the volunteers, workers, friends and families of people in Haiti. These simple exercises will neutralize the fear, anxiety, stress and trauma brought on by extreme challenges and stress. Of course, anyone can use these powerful techniques to erase their own bad memories and begin to feel better immediately. They are my gift to you and anyone who needs them: http://patrickwanis.com/Haiti/

Now, let’s talk about when men refuse to be “a real man.”

This week, a client was telling me how her boyfriend expects her to carry her own weight:  he doesn’t offer to carry her bags, and lives by the Chinese proverb “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

I wondered why this man felt it necessary to teach rather than to help or assist her. It also begs the question: does this man expect her to carry her own emotional baggage? Can he be strong for her? Is he dependable, reliable and responsible? Is he a real man?

Of course, it is possible to write reams about what it is that defines a real man. And yes there are certain masculine qualities such as assertiveness, confidence, energy, incisiveness, determination, strength of mind and body, stamina, nobility, self sacrifice and leadership. We can add to that devotion to family, caring, acceptance, commitment, honesty, reliability, respect and love for women, children & all living things, responsibility, and the ability to admit that he’s not perfect, and thus always remaining willing to work at being a better person.

My client’s situation raised parallels with the actions of three other famous men – Tiger Woods, Michael Richards and Mel Gibson.

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The following is a transcript of Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL radio interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about Tiger Woods in sex rehab and claims that his wife Elin is taking him back at the same time that another woman claims to have been one of Tiger’s many mistresses.

Click here to read the first interview Patrick Wanis gave to Russ Morley Dec. 11, 2009: Tiger Woods – a sex addict? http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/12/11/tiger-woods-a-sex-addict/

Click here to read Patrick Wanis’ Success Newsletter: Lessons from Tiger Woods:

http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/12/16/lessons-from-tiger-woods/

Click here to read the interview Patrick Wanis gave to Russ Morley Dec. 22, 2009: Tiger Woods – a God complex or an inferiority complex? http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/12/22/tiger-woods-god-complex-or-inferiority-complex/

Good Morning on the WFTL Morning News. Now here’s your host, Russ Morley.

Russ Morley:         There are still more women telling their tale about Tiger. The latest that came out this weekend, the British mother of two named Tiger’s latest mistress concocted the story that she was having golf lessons to maintain their affair. That’s what she was telling her friends. Golf lessons! Emma Rotherham, a 42-year-old living near Tiger in Isleworth, up near Orlando, invented the story to tell her friends and family she claimed to be receiving tuition from an instructor called Jose whereas she was in fact raising the Woods’ office in Windermere for sex lessons and that’s the latest story about Tiger.

Now, we hear Elin has been visiting Tiger at that Mississippi sex rehab clinic for the last five days. So apparently, the marriage is not over. Joining us this morning, Dr. Patrick Wanis. He’s a celebrity life coach and human behavior expert. You may have seen him recently on Extra. Dr. Wanis, how are you doing?

Patrick Wanis:       Doing great, thank you.

Russ Morley:         First of all, let’s talk about sex addiction. Is it a genuine illness? Is it something that you can diagnose that you have on your book of diagnoses there that you can label somebody with?

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Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST)

This test was devised by Patrick Carnes PhD. Dr. Carnes is currently the Executive Director of the Gentle Path program at Pine Grove Behavioral Center in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. He is the primary architect of Gentle Path treatment programs for the treatment of sexual and addictive disorders. This assessment tool has been used since 1983 to help determine if sex addiction is a problem. This version of the SAST has been updated to reflect changes in sexual behavior since the 1980’s and to be of assistance whatever your gender or sexual orientation might be.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about ways to deal with the grief and tragedy of Haiti, as well as grief and loss in general.

First a quick update:

ü  Valentine’s Day and personality test – Wondering if your Valentine is the right one? Take the personality test and find out if you are perfectly matched, truly mismatched and which is the most suitable personality type for you: http://patrickwanis.com/WhoAreYouPersonalityTest.asp

ü  Helping the helpers – As my way of helping with the Haiti devastation, I have created two special audio programs to help in dealing with fear, anxiety, stress and trauma. By special request, I have designed these audio programs particularly for volunteers, workers, friends and family of people in Haiti who are also experiencing extreme challenges and stress. Of course, anyone can use them to neutralize fear, anxiety and bad memories. I am giving them away. Please help by also spreading the word and forwarding this link. www.patrickwanis.com/Haiti

Now, let’s talk about the tragedy of Haiti and ways to deal with it as well as grief and loss in general.

It is truly hard to imagine the real pain and suffering that the people of Haiti are experiencing right now, particularly in light of the second 6.1 magnitude aftershock this morning. And it is a challenge to escape the traumatic images that fill the radio, Television and internet.

It is also a common reaction that we begin almost immediately asking “Why did a tragedy and disaster of such a magnitude occur? Why did it happen?”

The US Televangelist Pat Robertson shocked and offended many people when he claimed that the earthquake was the result of Haitians forming a pact with the devil to liberate Haiti from France 200 years ago.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the power and significance of developing immunity to criticism.

First a quick update:

ü  FOX News – top 10 celebrity meltdowns of 2009 – Watch the interview I gave to Fox News about  the results of what I call the Fame Factor - acts of ego & stupidity and denial, delusions of grandeur & power and entitlement http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dbqX92orNQ

Now, let’s talk about how to develop immunity to criticism.

Being criticized can be a horrible or even traumatic experience. And constant criticism is a sure fast way of killing the intimacy and love within a relationship, often shattering the recipient’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Criticism and blame lead to contempt, and contempt destroys the relationship.

Criticism is a serious problem for all relationships – familial, romantic and work-based. The fear of criticism causes many people to either freeze-up and do nothing, or to structure their behavior and personality to please and appease the other person. When a person is afraid of being criticized, he or she will take no action, take no risks and will not perform at his or her best. When coaching and training corporations and executives, I teach that a company and business cannot grow unless the employees feel safe to express themselves and to take risks. Of course, most people in the corporate world operate with one thought in mind; “How can I not lose my job?”

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the six simple steps to end bad habits and cultivate new empowering habits.

First a quick update:

ü  Emotional Vampires – the interview – Read the detailed interview I gave to the German psychology magazine PM offering more insights into the origins of and how to handle and deal with emotional vampires.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/01/06/emotional-vampires-the-interview/

Now, let’s talk about ways to break bad habits.

At the beginning of each and every year, many people follow the custom to make New Year’s resolutions. And most of those resolutions involve ending or breaking bad habits.

The dictionary defines a habit as “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.” Few of us realize that most of our life and its behaviors are run involuntarily. In other words, for most of us, we run on autopilot and most of our behaviors are performed unconsciously. The way you hold a spoon, the way you tie your shoe laces and the way sit are all done at an unconscious level. Try holding the spoon differently or tying your shoe laces in a new way. How does that feel? Probably quite uncomfortable or simply weird or strange. And automatically, you will want to go back to doing it the old way. But that old way was once a new way, and your parents kept pushing you to do it a certain way, until one day you no longer thought about it and it became a program; it became a habit.

And so it is with all of our habits. We learn them and then we resist changing them because it feels uncomfortable to change.

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The following is a transcript of Johannes Faber from the German magazine PM interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about Emotional Vampires.

Click here to read Patrick Wanis’ Success Newsletter: Dealing with emotional vampires:

http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/10/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/

Johannes Faber:         Johannes Faber.

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       Johannes, hi. This is Patrick Wanis.

Johannes Faber:         Hello. That’s very cool that you called me.

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       You’re welcome.

Johannes Faber:         That’s great. Yeah.

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       Would you tell me about the magazine and a little bit about yourself?

Johannes Faber:         The magazine is big in Germany. Its basic topics are science and psychology.

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       Okay.

Johannes Faber:         I’m now writing an article for the print magazine. We have an online version but we also have the print magazine and this is our focus. And I’m going to write a print article about Emotional Vampires.

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       And what got you interested in Emotional Vampires?

Johannes Faber:         Well, at the moment, there’s loads of vampirism around us, particularly in the media.

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       You mean movies?  Movies and books?

Johannes Faber:         Yes, exactly.  Like this “Twilight” material, you know that?

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       Yes, yes, it’s huge in America. 

Johannes Faber:         Yeah, also in Germany. And so the questions that arose were “What’s behind it and what’s the reason that people still believe in vampires? And what does it give to the people?”  So we came to the point that we saw that it’s not primarily about the blood that the vampire sucks from the victims but rather it’s about the energy.  And so we saw a bridge to the Emotional Vampires. 

Dr. Patrick Wanis:       Right.  And I would argue that there’s always been an interest in vampires, but it comes and goes in cycles and I would say the reason that it’s so big now is because of what the vampire represents: first it’s the sense of power and invincibility.  And the power and invincibility adds security, a sense of stability and a sense of safety in a time when in the world we, as individuals, don’t feel secure; we don’t feel stable and we don’t feel powerful.  We feel the opposite. We feel helpless and we feel afraid.  But the vampire has no fear.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal ways to overcome loneliness – now and at any time of the year.

First a quick update:

ü  Dating and making a lasting first impression: Read the transcript the interview I gave to Jennifer Vogel “Relationships for twentysomethings” reporter for Examiner.com revealing techniques, tips and strategies to help you make lasting first impressions when dating. Read more here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/12/29/making-a-lasting-first-impression/

ü  Emotional Vampires – Next week, I will be releasing a detailed interview I just gave to the German psychology magazine PM offering more insights into handling and dealing with emotional vampires. Meanwhile you can read about emotional vampires:  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/10/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/ and
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/17/freeing-the-emotional-vampire-in-you/

Now, let’s talk about ways to overcome loneliness.

For many people, the toughest, most challenging and most stressful time of the year is The Holiday Season and its various celebrations & rituals such as Christmastime, the New Year and the parties. Expectations are created for giving gifts, throwing parties, welcoming family members, dealing with relatives & others whom you cannot stand, and braving a happy face while facing the expectations that others have of you: your career, personal and romantic life, the way you interact with others and the person you have become!

The result can be like a Molotov cocktail – tension, arguments, fall-outs, emotional outbursts, sadness, grief and depression.

One of the most common appeals to me from clients and others is for help dealing with loneliness, particularly around the Holidays.

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