The shame of pride

December 17th, 2014
The shame of pride

The shame of pride

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the shame of pride.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  “Coaches, counselors and therapists” – Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist. http://patrickwanis.com/SRTT/online-therapy-training.asp

 

 

**** Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the shame of pride.

 

Pride is the recognition and belief in one’s own good, one’s own value – be it the result of an action or the result of one’s self-perceived worth.

 

Pride is the opposite of shame: pride results in ‘expansion’ and puffing up the chest; shame results in ‘shrinking’ and hiding.

 

In 1999, the NFL moved to ban players who made acts of pride in the form of throat-slashing gestures after scoring a touchdown or making a big play. http://www.nytimes.com/1999/11/23/sports/pro-football-throat-gesture-faces-ban-by-nfl.html

 

We have come to accept celebratory acts of pride on the football field and in other aspects of society; athletes and even race car drivers will often do victory laps. However, as I will explain, pride has two connotations.

 

“Pride, then, seems to be a sort of crown of the virtues; for it makes them greater, and it is not found without them.”

-       Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, c. 350 B.C.

 

Aristotle identified pride as a virtue: moral excellence, a habit or trait that is deemed to be morally good.

 

Even earlier than Aristotle, almost 3 thousand years ago, around 8th century BC, pride was a positive emotion and trait as identified in the heroes of Homer’s “Iliad”, namely Hector, Achilles and Agamemnon.

 

However, by the Middle ages (5th century to 15th century), pride was identified as a deadly sin; Pope Gregory referred to it as the worst of the deadly sins.

 

So what exactly is pride that it is seen as positive and welcomed and yet, also seen by some religions as evil, a deadly sin? Is it beneficial or detrimental to our emotional and psychological health?
Continue reading “The shame of pride” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Understanding is the key to all healing

December 11th, 2014
Understanding is key to all healing

Understanding is the key to all healing

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the significance of understanding as a key to healing.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  Getting what you want – “What is that you want that you don’t yet have?” That’s the first question I ask every new client. Here is the way to get what you want http://patrickwanis.com/PhoneConsultations.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the significance of understanding as a key to healing.

 

Recently, I was sharing with a client one of my core teachings: The key to all healing is Understanding.

 

The early definition of the word ‘healing’ referred to making something whole again. Today, the word is defined as ‘the process of the restoration of health to an unbalanced, diseased or damaged organism.’

 

Thus, we can say that healing is about restoring something to its original and healthy state.

 

In psychological terms, healing is the restoration of our original, healthy mental and emotional states. Simply put, our original state is emotional freedom: prior to negative programming and traumatic experiences, we believed in ourselves and in possibility; we focused more on curiosity and potential and less on fear and hiding. We deliberately set out to freely express ourselves and make connections with people rather than running from people or using masks. We breathed with passion for our dreams.

 

So what is Understanding?

 

Understanding can be defined as the ability to perceive the intended meaning of something; the ability to perceive the significance, explanation, or cause of something. In psychology, understanding refers to “the procedure of attaining knowledge about oneself or other people or of understanding the meaning or significance of something, like a term, idea, argument, or occurrence.”

 

Thus, the path to attaining mental and emotional wholeness once more comes from understanding.

 

Understanding what?

Continue reading “Understanding is the key to all healing” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Beware The Great Trickster

December 3rd, 2014
Beware the great trickster

Beware The Great Trickster

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the Great Trickster and the link to temptation and fear.

 

First a quick update:

 

 

****  Getting what you want  “What is that you want that you don’t yet have?” That’s the first question I ask every new client. Here is the way to get what you want http://patrickwanis.com/PhoneConsultations.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the Great Trickster and the link to temptation and fear.

 

Possibly you have seen this TV cartoon or something similar – Homer Simpson is facing a dilemma – he has a tough decision before him (usually it’s the temptation of food) and he is being coached by two opposing forces – the angel on his right and the devil on his left.

 

On a grander scale, it’s a timeless theme in literature, comics, TV shows and movies – the eternal battle between good and evil that each one of us faces as an individual.

 

The most common representation of this is the small angel on one shoulder and the small devil on the other shoulder – each one encouraging the person to take an opposing action.

 

The angel represents our conscience and morality; the devil represents temptation.

 

Think of the old superstition to throw salt over one’s left shoulder for good luck and to ward off evil: the intention is that the salt blinds or knocks the devil off one’s shoulder.

 

Christopher Marlowe in his play “Doctor Faustus”, in 1604, introduces a good angel and an evil angel.

 

Good Angel: Sweet Faustus, think of heaven and heavenly things.

Evil Angel: No, Faustus: think of honour and of wealth.

 

While religious literature often portrays this as the battle for our soul between God and Satan the devil, Sigmund Freud explained it from another perspective with his theory of Id, Ego, and Superego.

Continue reading “Beware The Great Trickster” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.7/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Understanding Bill Cosby’s victims/accusers

November 26th, 2014
Understanding Bill Cosby's victims - Barbara Bowman

Understanding Bill Cosby’s victims – Barbara Bowman

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share a personal rape story, discuss the Bill Cosby scandal and reveal insights into the psychology and responses of the women who claim to be his victims.

 

First a quick update:

 

 

**** Getting over it Get excited about life and love again. Get over a breakup, betrayal or rejection. http://patrickwanis.com/getoverit_package.asp

 

 

**** Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the Bill Cosby scandal and reveal a personal rape story as well as insights into the psychology and responses of the women who claim to be his victims.

 

More than a dozen women have publicly accused one of TV’s most famous and beloved actors and paternal figure, Bill Cosby of sexually abusing, drugging or raping them. 

 

The public’s reaction has been overwhelming with 3 primary responses:

 

  1. He’s guilty and a rapist
  2. He’s innocent until proven guilty
  3. The women are lying and chasing fame and money

 

 

All three responses make sense.

 

Rape is obviously abhorrent, and claims of rape automatically trigger extreme emotional responses and calls for justice and revenge.

 

When we hear multiple women making the same accusations which, appeals to our morality and which triggers anger because we have compassion for the victims (attempting to understand the extent of their pain and suffering) we automatically find the accused guilty and we cry out for the accused to be punished.

 

The justice system is based on a basic premise that everyone is innocent of alleged crimes until he/she has been tried in a court of law and found guilty. However, our emotions prevent us from considering that point, particularly since many people believe that Bill Cosby committed these crimes and offenses and that he has gotten away with it for a very long time – for decades.

 

The third reaction, which attacks the women making the accusations, is based on two premises:

Continue reading “Understanding Bill Cosby’s victims/accusers” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

The ‘death’ of Bill Cosby

November 20th, 2014
The death of Bill Cosby

The ‘death’ of Bill Cosby

The accusations of rape by multiple women against Bill Cosby are not just bringing down his career with cancellations of shows, reruns and future projects – they have succeeded in ‘killing’ Bill Cosby for his millions of fans.

 

When we are faced with the stark claims that a warm, beloved TV star isn’t whom we believed him to be, we undergo our own pain – our image, emotional association and attachment to Bill Cosby are now shattered by the accusations and potential revelations that he is a rapist. In other words, the rape claims have destroyed our fond memories and affectionate associations. It is called Cognitive Dissonance – the struggle we face when there are two conflicting thoughts in our mind – in this case, the cuddly, gentle father figure of Bill Cosby clashing with the information that relays an image of a monster and rapist. We cannot hold two conflicting thoughts at the same time – we must abandon our image of the nice, loving man. And what happens to our numerous memories of Bill Cosby – of joy, laughter, warmth and guidance? They die. Fans can and will eventually speak of feeling duped, brainwashed and fooled by Bill Cosby ‘he isn’t who he pretended to be.’

 

Bill Cosby doesn’t need to be convicted by a jury in a court – the shocking claims by numerous women is enough to create doubt and eventually shatter all of our great memories. And quite sadly, more and more allegations are surfacing – including Therese Serignese who now claims she was raped in 1976, yet she says she willingly went back to his Las Vegas penthouse suite and stayed with him for several weeks and she adds they stayed in contact over the years; he helped her financially decades later giving her a gift of $15,000 for medical expenses. This behavior by Therese Serignese which, appears to be absurd and ‘unbelievable’, can be attributed to naivete, psychological manipulation and a teenage desire for fame, fortune and glamour.

All of these allegations will ultimately destroy any tender and beautiful memories fans have of Bill Cosby; once the amorous memories and emotions are gone, Bill Cosby dies with them. We can argue that Bill Cosby did it, but he also created the TV character Cliff Huxtable that we all fell in love with.

 

Therese Serignese: "Bill Cosby raped me"

Therese Serignese: “Bill Cosby raped me”

 

Extra Taking points

– why some fans defend him while others convict

– how and why we connect so deeply with TV actors and celebrities

– The grieving process (fans grieve when a celebrity or idol ‘dies’)

- misogyny and reasons why these women waited 3 decades (career opportunities over justice)

– Understanding why a powerful man and celebrity might rape a woman in this way

– Cee Lo Green drugged his date with Molly

- Separating art from the artist “worship the art, the product, not the artist”

 

Patrick Wanis PhD Human Behavior Expert

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

The greatest gift of all

November 19th, 2014
the greatest gift of all significance gift-giving

The greatest gift of all

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the greatest gift you can give on Thanksgiving and The Holidays.

 

First a quick update:

 

 

**** Top 9 tips to prevent Holiday Stress Listen to the interview I gave to Sally Jessy Raphael about top nine tips, techniques and strategies to prevent arguments, fights and stress around the Holidays.  http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#EasingHolidayStress

 

 

**** Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the greatest gift you can give on Thanksgiving and The Holidays.

 

You’ve probably heard the teaching “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” It implies that there is great joy in giving. And it is true that we experience such elation when we give a gift, when we witness and can feel the pleasure that our gift brings to the other person.

 

The bliss we feel is directly attributable to the realization that we made a positive difference, that we were able to bring joy to someone else.

 

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
-       Carl W. Buehner (from “Richard Evans’ Quote Book”, 1971)

 

Think about the people presently in your life, and those no longer in your life.

 

Which people stand out?

 

Is there a person, whom when you think about him or her, you frown, get a knot in your stomach or you feel ill or disgusted?

 

Is there a person, whom when you think about him or her, you smile, get a warm feeling in your stomach or you feel elated or significant?

 

It is extraordinary the images and associations we create with every person in our life; we naturally attach and associate a specific emotion (inspirational or agitative emotion) to everyone in our life.

 

The emotion we attach to each person is determined by the way we feel around him/her.

 

Another common teaching is “No one can make you feel anything.”

 

That is not a truth; it is a guideline to encourage us to be aware that we can choose the way we respond to other people – their words and actions. Were it to be true, then we would never need to have relationships and it would not matter with whom we have a relationship since the premise is we can be happy and feel joy regardless of everyone or anyone else.

 

However, the more potent truth is that people can trigger certain emotions in us.

Continue reading “The greatest gift of all” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

How our brain twists reality and the truth

November 12th, 2014
how the human brain twists reality and the truth

How the human brain twists reality and the truth

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share two new studies which reveal that what we believe to be reality is not necessarily reality or the truth.
First a quick update:

****  Lena Dunham  – The famous actress has now been accused of being a sexual predator or sexually abusive towards her sister following the publishing of her memoirs where in her own words she describes playing with her 1-year-old sister’s vagina at age 7 and then as a teen masturbating while her sister was in the same bed. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/lena-dunham-sexual-predator/

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert


Now, let’s talk about
 two new studies which reveal that what we believe to be reality is not necessarily reality or the truth.

Did you know that Honeybees cannot see the color red, yet they have ultraviolet vision which means they can see things that the normal human eye cannot? The ability to see ultraviolet light lets honeybees spot patterns on flower petals that guide them to nectar. Birds have eyes that allow them to see color and texture that we cannot see.

This, of course, does not imply reality has changed for the birds, the bees or humans; it simply means we see reality differently.

But what if what we perceive to be real isn’t actually real? What if what we perceive to exist doesn’t actually exist?

When we read about people who hear voices we view them as suffering from a mental illness – schizophrenics hear voices. But why, as one new study reveals, do schizophrenics in the United States hear harsh and threatening voices while schizophrenics in India and Africa hear benign and playful voices? (I will speak more about this study in a moment.)

What if the ‘presence’ of a ghost or some other supernatural being that some people claim to experience is nothing more than a malfunction of the brain?

Reinhold Messner is a mountaineer “whose astonishing feats on Everest and on peaks throughout the world have earned him the status of the greatest climber in history.” Messner said that he felt a third, invisible climber, alongside him and his brother while they descended the Nanga Parbat mountain in Pakistan.
Continue reading “How our brain twists reality and the truth” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Lena Dunham – a sexual predator?

November 12th, 2014
Photo posted by Lena Dunham of her 5-year-old sister with caption "#tbt that time I dressed my 5 year old sister as a Hell's Angel's sex property #1997"

Photo posted by Lena Dunham of her 5-year-old sister with caption “#tbt that time I dressed my 5 year old sister as a Hell’s Angel’s sex property #1997″

Lena Dunham,  the creator and star of HBO’s, “Girls”, has created a firestorm with some people accusing her of sexually abusing her younger sister following her newly published collection of personal essays, Not That Kind of Girl. In her book, Lena Dunham describes experimenting sexually with her younger sister Grace, whom she says she attempted to persuade to kiss her using “anything a sexual predator might do.” In one passage (p. 158-9), Dunham explains and describes how she experimented with her six-year younger sister’s vagina. “This was within the spectrum of things I did,” she writes.

 

“Do we all have uteruses?” I asked my mother when I was seven.

“Yes,” she told me. “We’re born with them, and with all our eggs, but they start out very small. And they aren’t ready to make babies until we’re older.”

I looked at my sister, now a slim, tough one-year-old, and at her tiny belly. I imagined her eggs inside her, like the sack of spider eggs in Charlotte’s Web, and her uterus, the size of a thimble.

“Does her vagina look like mine?”

“I guess so,” my mother said. “Just smaller.”

One day, as I sat in our driveway in Long Island playing with blocks and buckets, my curiosity got the best of me. Grace was sitting up, babbling and smiling, and I leaned down between her legs and carefully spread open her vagina. She didn’t resist, and when I saw what was inside I shrieked. “My mother came running. “Mama, Mama! Grace has something in there!”

My mother didn’t bother asking why I had opened Grace’s vagina. This was within the spectrum of things that I did. She just got on her knees and looked for herself. It quickly became apparent that Grace had stuffed six or seven pebbles in there. My mother removed them patiently while Grace cackled, thrilled that her prank had been such a success.

Did Grace, a 1-year-old baby have the knowledge and ability to create a prank on her mother involving stuffing 7 pebbles inside her vagina?

Lena Dunham also wrote this:

As she grew, I took to bribing her for her time and affection: one dollar in quarters if I could do her makeup like a “motorcycle chick.” Three pieces of candy if I could kiss her on the lips for five seconds. Whatever she wanted to watch on TV if she would just “relax on me.” Basically, anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.

Continue reading “Lena Dunham – a sexual predator?” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Protected: The file SRTT Digital Interactive Therapy Session

November 7th, 2014

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

People are like dirt – 7 tips to real friendships

November 5th, 2014
Plato "People are like dirt" - 7 tips to real friendships

“People are like dirt” – 7 tips to real friendships

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the significance and application of a famous quote, incorrectly attributed to Plato, as well as offer 7 tips to real friendships: “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”.

First a quick update:

 

****  401 This Success Newsletter is now the 401st newsletter I have written, Yes, I have written 400 success articles prior to this one, with the first newsletter being published on June 6, 2006: Take Control of Your Emotions (and the first blog article I wrote was in October 2004)  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/take-control-your-life-emotions/

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

Now, let’s talk about the significance and application of a famous quote, incorrectly attributed to Plato, as well as offer 7 tips to real friendships: “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”.

 

 

First, it is critical to note that while the philosopher Plato has been credited with saying the above, he did not actually say or write those words. They do not exist in any of his works.

 

Nonetheless, the teaching is still valid: the people with whom we associate can help us evolve or they can help destroy us.

 

Life is short; we have limited time on this earth and as such, I teach that there is really no neutral state, we are either growing and expanding or we are shrinking and dying; we are either moving towards our goals or we are drawing back from them; we are either living meaningful and fulfilled lives or our lives are being filled with meaningless and unfulfilling things.

 

The difference lies in our beliefs.

 

Our beliefs (thoughts) are connected to our emotions or they drive emotions and those emotions either propel us to take positive action or negative action (doing nothing or wasting precious time is also a negative action.)

 

Our beliefs and our emotions are also influenced by the people with whom we associate: they support, mold or transform our beliefs and emotions – for the better or the worse.

 

Our friends, colleagues and associates (even our family) can be the rich soil that nourishes our growth or they can be the barren desert that dries up our dreams, goals, aspirations and beliefs in our selves. They can support us or they can twist us to become bitter towards the world. They can gently push us to reach out to embrace life or they can strangle us and cause us to hide in deep isolation, cynicism or despair.

 

“I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.”

-       Abraham Lincoln

Continue reading “People are like dirt – 7 tips to real friendships” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 3.7/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)