A woman’s struggle to please

January 21st, 2015
A womans struggle to please

A woman’s struggle to please

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss women’s struggle to please.

 

First a quick update:

 

**** When you need help & support - Everyone needs help and support at various times in life to let go of the past, to overcome an issue and to experience inner peace. Book a personal session with me.   http://patrickwanis.com/PhoneConsultations.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

****  What is anger? - Is anger always negative? What is the difference between anger and rage? Watch the video: http://youtu.be/hAof0wih2Hw

 

 

Now, let’s talk about women’s struggle to please.

 

From early childhood on, we all naturally succumb to the pressure and expectation to please others.

 

Of course, it begins with the desire to please our parents (or caregivers.) We seek to please them and get their approval because we directly relate the seal of approval and a sense of acceptance with physical safety, love and affection. In other words, for a child, the perception and interpretation of the significance of approval becomes synonymous first with physical survival.

 

Eventually, our desire to please others (including peers and strangers) and seek their approval and acceptance becomes more than a habit – it becomes part of our programming. As adults, we equate other people’s approval, acceptance and opinion of us with our self-worth. We allow others to decide our value based purely on their ever-changing judgment of us.

 

We battle and struggle to maintain the image and be the person that others close to us as well as society in general expect of us.

 

It is not that we lose our individuality as much as we lose our self-worth when we constantly keep measuring ourselves against what everyone else wants us to be, do or have.

Continue reading “A woman’s struggle to please” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

The most important thing to a woman in a relationship

January 14th, 2015
The most important thing to a woman in a relationship

The most important thing to a woman in a relationship

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the most important requirement to a woman in a relationship.

 

First a quick update:

**** “Coaches, counselors and therapists” – Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist. http://patrickwanis.com/SRTT/online-therapy-training.asp

 

****  Your Relationship With Yourself – Every relationship begins with you. The more you like, love and accept yourself, the more others will like, love and accept you. Watch the video: http://youtu.be/nJMmhdwmRqM

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

Now, let’s talk about the most important requirement to a woman in a relationship.

 

It’s often and hotly debated: what does a woman want?

 

In my book “What a woman wants and how to give it to her” (a makeover dating book for men), I reveal 4 key things a woman wants in a relationship:

 

“Ultimately, a woman wants her man to make her feel special. She wants to experience love and ecstasy with him. She wants him to listen, pay attention to her, and be with her. She wants him to be understanding and empathetic of her feelings. When she makes a mistake or faces challenges, she wants understanding from her man, not loads of advice. She wants him to hold and cherish her and tell and show her that she is the one. Finally, she wants her man to respect her body and not just touch her sexually whenever he feels like it.”

P. 24 http://patrickwanis.com/WhatAWomanWantsBook.asp

 

There is one other thing that a woman wants and it either draws women into relationships, anchors (and sometimes imprisons) them in relationships, or the lack of it drives them out of relationships:

 

Security.

 

The dictionary defines security as “the state of being free from danger or threat.”

 

Of course, physical security is critical to everyone. However, to a woman in a relationship, security in its many forms is paramount, and I believe it becomes more critical as a woman ages, evolves or becomes a mother, and thus, her needs also evolve.

 

Security is experienced and defined in various ways in a relationship.

 

Mental

Mental security can refer to freedom of thought and expression; freedom from mental and verbal abuse (nagging, condemnation, harsh judgment, criticism, etc.) Thus, mental security includes acceptance, patience, tolerance, open and expressive communication, understanding, the opportunity & freedom to evolve, and so forth.

Continue reading “The most important thing to a woman in a relationship” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.3/5 (4 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Miley Cyrus’ distorted Free The Nipple foray

January 8th, 2015
Miley Cyrus free the nipple

Miley Cyrus’ post on Instagram

Women are fighting for equality in the realm of breasts.

 

Why cannot a woman’s breasts and nipples be seen in public the way a man’s breasts and nipples can, asks The Free The Nipple campaign, which boasts a full-length feature film. The campaign refers to itself as movement to empower women against “female oppression and censorship.”

 

“There’s still so many laws against women’s bodies but barely any against men,” says movement founder Lina Esco. Various celebrities are supporting the campaign such as Rihanna, Liv Tyler, Lena Dunham, Scout Willis (she instigated a topless protest on the streets of New York in 2014) and Miley Cyrus.

However, Miley Cyrus did not protest topless on the streets.

Instead, she chose to superimpose her childhood face on the topless bodies of adult women!

 

Why did Miley Cyrus Photoshop child faces on women’s bodies? What is her message?

Cyrus is trying to say that we see children’s nipples as non-sexual – acceptable for all to view – and therefore we should also view adult women’s nipples as non-sexual.  However, one cannot change or transform social and cultural meanings overnight nor by instantly adding children’s faces over a woman’s topless body, for all that achieves is to force people to see the images as child porn and not as an attempt to make actual cultural changes.

Continue reading “Miley Cyrus’ distorted Free The Nipple foray” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

People who refuse to admit wrong

January 7th, 2015
People who wont admit wrong

People who won’t admit wrong

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss people who refuse to admit wrong, reveal the significance of admitting mistakes, and 5 steps to becoming empowered to admit mistakes.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  “Coaches, counselors and therapists” – Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist. http://patrickwanis.com/SRTT/online-therapy-training.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

 

Now, let’s talk about people who refuse to admit wrong, reveal the significance of admitting mistakes, and 5 steps to becoming empowered to admit mistakes.

 

“Just once I’d like to see you be wrong about something.”

 

Have you ever said that to someone?

 

Think of someone in your life who can never admit that he or she is wrong. How do you respond? What effect does it have on your relationship?

 

The refusal to admit that one is wrong is destructive to relationships in business and personal life.

 

In a moment, I will reveal the various motivations and intentions for refusing to admit when we are wrong. First, though, let’s look at the impact when you constantly deny making any mistakes or any wrongdoing; it creates:

 

Resentment – the other person begins to resent you

Rifts – emotional distance is created

Lack of trust – people don’t feel safe or comfortable around you because you fail to be honest about who you are; you fail to accept and admit that you are fallible. In a business setting, clients will conclude that they cannot trust or depend on you and they will progressively do less business with you.

Masking – people will respond to you in kind – they will also put masks on and create false and misleading images of themselves

Isolation – people will begin to isolate you and share less with you and less of themselves with you

Contempt – over time, the refusal to admit you are wrong will lead people to lose respect for you and to have contempt for you

 

There is a second, common element in the dynamic of the failure to admit one is wrong: blame & offensiveness.

Continue reading “People who refuse to admit wrong” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

7 Steps to overcome end-of-year self-loathing

December 31st, 2014
7 steps to overcome end-of-year self-loathing and feelings of failure

7 steps to overcome end-of-year self-loathing and feelings of failure

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 7 simple steps to overcome the feelings of failure and self-loathing that often accompany the end of the year.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  “Coaches, counselors and therapists” – Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist. http://patrickwanis.com/SRTT/online-therapy-training.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the 7 steps to overcome the feelings of failure and self-loathing that often accompany the end of the year.

 

It’s an interesting phenomenon; at the end of the year we begin to ponder and contemplate the year that has passed and we end up feeling bad, unsatisfied and like a failure.

 

It’s an easy conclusion when we review and analyze the year based on what we did not achieve or accomplish.

 

It’s an easy conclusion when we are constantly measuring ourselves and our value based on societal expectations.

 

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.”

Alexander Graham Bell

 

Here are the 7 steps to overcome end-of-year self-loathing and feelings of failure:

 

1. Past Goals

Write out a list of what you had planned to achieve. Were you clear about what you had wanted to accomplish this year or were you simply floating? Did you write measureable goals at the beginning of this year?

 

2. Accomplishments

We tend to focus on what we have not yet achieved and we fail to notice what we have actually achieved. Write a list of all of your successes this year.

 

3. False and Faulty Expectations

False expectations are usually founded upon perfection – unattainable and unachievable goals. List the false expectations you made for yourself which now create pain, loss and a sense of failure.

 

Faulty expectations are the standards, goals and expectations that we create for ourselves but which do not really belong to us; they are the result of us choosing to live to please others or to simply be accepted and liked by society. They do not originate in our heart; they come from fear – fear of rejection or not being liked or approved.

Continue reading “7 Steps to overcome end-of-year self-loathing” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns 2014

December 27th, 2014
Top 10 celebrity meltdowns 2014 Shia LaBeaouf in a confrontation with a homeless man hours before his arrest

Shia LaBeaouf in a confrontation with a homeless man hours before his arrest.

TOP 10 CELEBRITY MELTDOWNS OF 2014 (eighth annual list)

By Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis PhD

 

They offended foreign governments, created international incidents, mocked victims of sexual abuse, dated a man that was convicted of child molesting, told depressed people they should kill themselves, humiliated disabled people, and still arrogantly shouted out “Do you know who the f… I am?”

 

2014 was probably the year of the most controversial and offensive behavior by celebrities.

 

Power and fame corrupt, and more money makes you more of whom you really are. For so many celebrities who already were void of morality, empathy and respect, the extreme attention, wealth, power and influence they yielded simply resulted in perverse, perverted and disgraceful behavior ripe with narcissism and callousness.

 

Can you guess who had the number 1 celebrity meltdown of 2014?

 

 

10. Dustin Diamond and Jason Biggs – The former star of “Saved by The  Bell” Dustin Diamond AKA Screech was arrested and charged after allegedly stabbing a man in a bar on Christmas! Actor Jason Biggs hasn’t outgrown his American Pie days. In yet another example of narcissism and complete disconnect from reality and human suffering, Biggs offends, insults and reveals his own callousness with a series of tweets mocking the death of Eric Hill a bachelorette contestant who died in a paragliding accident.

 

9. Shia LaBeouf and Christina Aguilera – It’s one of the most common issues of a celebrity – thinking that they are so vastly superior and significant that the law doesn’t apply to them. Last year, Reese Witherspoon said it when she and her husband were pulled over, and this year, Shia LaBeouf shouted it out. LaBeouf disturbed the Broadway musical “Cabaret” and as he was escorted out in handcuffs by police, he angrily and arrogantly tried to remind everyone of his supernatural status: “Do you know who the f… I am?” The police noted his name as they arrested him and charged him with disorderly conduct. He pleaded guilty and was ordered into a treatment for his bad behavior.  It should have been obvious that LeBeouf needed help when put a paper bag on his head that read “I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE.” Meanwhile, Christina Aguilera reportedly had a meltdown when a Mickey Mouse character at Disneyland refused to take a photo with her because he was about to go on break. Aguilera allegedly pulled out the celebrity wildcard, shouting “Don’t you know who I am?” Mickey Mouse didn’t recognize the former Mouseketeer or didn’t care! She also called him an “A..hole.”

Continue reading “Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns 2014” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

The power of choice

December 24th, 2014
the power of choice

The power of choice

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the power of choice.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  “Coaches, counselors and therapists” – Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist. http://patrickwanis.com/SRTT/online-therapy-training.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

Now, let’s talk about the power of choice.

 

It’s one of my favorite teachings and mantras:

Would you prefer to be right or would you prefer to be happy?  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/why-do-you-always-need-to-be-right/

 

That simple question is a reminder that in every moment we have the opportunity to choose – to choose the way we will respond.

 

And the way we will respond will determine our outcome.

 

Most of us do not realize that we have the power to choose and that we are actually making choices every moment of our lives – choices which, in turn, create a chain reaction.

 

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. ”
- Kevin Aucoin

 

It’s quite easy to respond by playing the victim.

 

The victim believes he has no choices; the victim believes that life simply happens to him and he fails to see how he also makes life happen.

 

“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. ”
- Kahlil Gibran

 

Children are victims because they are powerless and have very few choices or options. As adults, we have many choices, many ways to respond to whatever happens. We are vastly more resourceful and strong than we actually think we are.

 

“Life is the sum of all your choices.”
- Albert Camus

 

Stephen C. Richards PhD, is Professor of Criminal Justice at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh. How did he attain this position? Was his life, a typical straight line from college student to college professor? http://indiamond6.ulib.iupui.edu:81/fedprisonerprof.html

 

 

As with everyone, he made choices, and choices that created results.

 

Richards served a 9 year sentence in US federal prison for Conspiracy to Distribute Marijuana.

 

He could have continued in criminal activities, but, instead, he made new choices to turn his life around and to complete college.

 

Richards completed a BS Degree in Sociology from UW-Madison (1986) while in prison. Upon release from prison he finished an MA in Sociology at UW-Milwaukee (1989), and then a PhD in Sociology at Iowa State University (1992).

 

“If someone throws you the ball, you don’t have to catch it. ”
- Richard Carlson

 

We often confuse ‘response’ with ‘reaction.’

Continue reading “The power of choice” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.3/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)

The shame of pride

December 17th, 2014
The shame of pride

The shame of pride

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the shame of pride.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  “Coaches, counselors and therapists” – Learn my unique therapeutic tool which helps clients to make radically fast behavioral and emotional changes without reliving trauma and without months or years of talk or emotional or psychological dependence upon the therapist. http://patrickwanis.com/SRTT/online-therapy-training.asp

 

 

**** Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the shame of pride.

 

Pride is the recognition and belief in one’s own good, one’s own value – be it the result of an action or the result of one’s self-perceived worth.

 

Pride is the opposite of shame: pride results in ‘expansion’ and puffing up the chest; shame results in ‘shrinking’ and hiding.

 

In 1999, the NFL moved to ban players who made acts of pride in the form of throat-slashing gestures after scoring a touchdown or making a big play. http://www.nytimes.com/1999/11/23/sports/pro-football-throat-gesture-faces-ban-by-nfl.html

 

We have come to accept celebratory acts of pride on the football field and in other aspects of society; athletes and even race car drivers will often do victory laps. However, as I will explain, pride has two connotations.

 

“Pride, then, seems to be a sort of crown of the virtues; for it makes them greater, and it is not found without them.”

-       Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, c. 350 B.C.

 

Aristotle identified pride as a virtue: moral excellence, a habit or trait that is deemed to be morally good.

 

Even earlier than Aristotle, almost 3 thousand years ago, around 8th century BC, pride was a positive emotion and trait as identified in the heroes of Homer’s “Iliad”, namely Hector, Achilles and Agamemnon.

 

However, by the Middle ages (5th century to 15th century), pride was identified as a deadly sin; Pope Gregory referred to it as the worst of the deadly sins.

 

So what exactly is pride that it is seen as positive and welcomed and yet, also seen by some religions as evil, a deadly sin? Is it beneficial or detrimental to our emotional and psychological health?
Continue reading “The shame of pride” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Understanding is the key to all healing

December 11th, 2014
Understanding is key to all healing

Understanding is the key to all healing

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the significance of understanding as a key to healing.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  Getting what you want – “What is that you want that you don’t yet have?” That’s the first question I ask every new client. Here is the way to get what you want http://patrickwanis.com/PhoneConsultations.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the significance of understanding as a key to healing.

 

Recently, I was sharing with a client one of my core teachings: The key to all healing is Understanding.

 

The early definition of the word ‘healing’ referred to making something whole again. Today, the word is defined as ‘the process of the restoration of health to an unbalanced, diseased or damaged organism.’

 

Thus, we can say that healing is about restoring something to its original and healthy state.

 

In psychological terms, healing is the restoration of our original, healthy mental and emotional states. Simply put, our original state is emotional freedom: prior to negative programming and traumatic experiences, we believed in ourselves and in possibility; we focused more on curiosity and potential and less on fear and hiding. We deliberately set out to freely express ourselves and make connections with people rather than running from people or using masks. We breathed with passion for our dreams.

 

So what is Understanding?

 

Understanding can be defined as the ability to perceive the intended meaning of something; the ability to perceive the significance, explanation, or cause of something. In psychology, understanding refers to “the procedure of attaining knowledge about oneself or other people or of understanding the meaning or significance of something, like a term, idea, argument, or occurrence.”

 

Thus, the path to attaining mental and emotional wholeness once more comes from understanding.

 

Understanding what?

Continue reading “Understanding is the key to all healing” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Beware The Great Trickster

December 3rd, 2014
Beware the great trickster

Beware The Great Trickster

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the Great Trickster and the link to temptation and fear.

 

First a quick update:

 

 

****  Getting what you want  “What is that you want that you don’t yet have?” That’s the first question I ask every new client. Here is the way to get what you want http://patrickwanis.com/PhoneConsultations.asp

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the Great Trickster and the link to temptation and fear.

 

Possibly you have seen this TV cartoon or something similar – Homer Simpson is facing a dilemma – he has a tough decision before him (usually it’s the temptation of food) and he is being coached by two opposing forces – the angel on his right and the devil on his left.

 

On a grander scale, it’s a timeless theme in literature, comics, TV shows and movies – the eternal battle between good and evil that each one of us faces as an individual.

 

The most common representation of this is the small angel on one shoulder and the small devil on the other shoulder – each one encouraging the person to take an opposing action.

 

The angel represents our conscience and morality; the devil represents temptation.

 

Think of the old superstition to throw salt over one’s left shoulder for good luck and to ward off evil: the intention is that the salt blinds or knocks the devil off one’s shoulder.

 

Christopher Marlowe in his play “Doctor Faustus”, in 1604, introduces a good angel and an evil angel.

 

Good Angel: Sweet Faustus, think of heaven and heavenly things.

Evil Angel: No, Faustus: think of honour and of wealth.

 

While religious literature often portrays this as the battle for our soul between God and Satan the devil, Sigmund Freud explained it from another perspective with his theory of Id, Ego, and Superego.

Continue reading “Beware The Great Trickster” »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.7/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)