In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explain how we are not all the same and what that signifies for relationships and business.

First a quick update:

****  “The art of flirting” – Read the transcript of the interview I gave to Sue McGarvie Clinical Therapist and Syndicated Talk Show host of Ottawa’s EZ Rock 99.7 “Love & Lipstick”, about flirting from the male perspective – which flirting techniques work with men and which don’t: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/09/01/the-art-of-flirting/

****  The training – now also via webinar – In response to requests from people outside the US, the training course for my unique therapeutic technique “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” (SRTT) will now be conducted over the phone and via webinar so you can learn and follow along and ask questions via your computer from anywhere in the world, and, we have adjusted the dates to ensure everyone is accommodated. Are you one of the lucky few to grab the last places to make up the 15 people being accepted? Hurry: http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/srtt.asp

Now, let’s talk about why we are not all the same and its implications.

This year, the T.I.M.M.-E Company, Inc. (Tolerance in Multi Media Education) – an educational company that teaches tolerance and diversity in schools, celebrated its 10th anniversary of the children’s book “We Are All The Same Inside.” The book’s message is to encourage children to celebrate our similarities while embracing each other’s differences.

And yes, it is true that were we to remove color, gender, culture, age and other differences such as socio-economic disparities, we would find that inside we are all very similar and accordingly we do also have common physical and emotional needs such as food, water, shelter, attention, approval, love & connection, security, challenges, significance, growth, and contribution – meaning and purpose. (See also my Newsletter from June 30, 2010: “Getting your six needs”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/06/30/getting-your-six-needs/ )

Common humanity is one of the key messages of the 1985 classic film “The Breakfast Club”: beneath their obvious external differences, the geek, the sports jock, the princess, the criminal and the kook are in essence all the same, sharing the same fears, hopes, deepest emotions and problems.

However, there are also critical ways in which we are very different and that, in turn, can destroy relationships and our general happiness & enjoyment of life.

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the roots of anger and the ways to neutralize anger by removing its roots.

First a quick update:

****  Attention life coaches, therapists & hypnotists only – For the first time ever, I am offering a training course and certification to learn my unique therapeutic technique “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” (SRTT) – the most effective way of any to get greater, better, faster results for your clients, while making more per session, and in half the time. And it is the only technique where you can book sessions with clients no matter where they are, AND no matter where YOU are…working over the phone! At the time of writing this, eight people have signed up and that means there are only seven spots left – I am only accepting fifteen people into the course. So hurry now: http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/

****  “Get the man you want” – Listen to the interview I will be giving to Lucia – The Art of Love Radio Show about my book “Get the man you want” -  live at www.latalkradio.com this Sunday August 29th at 3pm PT/6pm EST

Now, let’s talk about the roots of anger.

Recently, I was explaining to a reporter that the incident involving the Jetblue flight attendant (who responded to an angry passenger by expressing anger himself when he quit his job and opened the emergency parachute to escape) is a sign of rampant stress in our society. And yes, stress can lead to outbursts of anger and even rage. But anger has many more causes than stress.

The dictionary defines anger as an emotion – a feeling of strong displeasure and belligerence. But anger is much more than that. Anger is the almost immediate response to being hurt, injured or wronged; the hurt or injury can be a physical, emotional or psychological pain. Beneath that anger is a deeper pain. In other words, while the unsafe expression of anger can cause problems, anger in itself is not the problem, but rather, it is the symptom of another problem, emotion or belief.

For example, Jonathan came to me concerned because he was having sudden feelings of a desire to hurt someone. Jonathan told me that he would be walking along the street when he would be overcome with anger and wanted to lash out and hit someone – anyone and everyone. Jonathan couldn’t identify a specific reason or trigger to his anger; he could be having a great day and then be out on the street for lunch when he would experience a sudden urge to hurt someone.

Jonathan’s case reminded me of a couple of people I worked with on the Montel Williams TV show a few years ago. The episode in question dealt exclusively with explosive anger. One man, James, age 31 was married with a young baby. He called himself a ticking time bomb; he would have sudden outbursts of anger, smashing and breaking things and thus endangering his child. While on set, a guest psychiatrist asked James if he had undergone tests to examine his brain because this psychiatrist believed there was something neurologically wrong with James. I immediately intervened and said to Montel that I did not believe there was anything wrong with James’ brain but rather that his anger was triggered from the horrible experiences James had suffered as a child – he was molested and abused by a family member, and then later abused and molested by the parents who adopted him; the very people that were supposed to love and protect him, not only betrayed his trust, they physically and emotionally abused him. Thus, James’ anger was geared at the world which he felt was unsafe, had betrayed him and hurt him.

  Read the rest of this entry »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the ways we lose our dream and aspirations in life and reveal to you how to get back your dreams, aspirations and inspiration.

First a quick update:

**** Only 15 places – For the first time ever, I am offering a training course and certification to learn my coaching/therapeutic techniques, my “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” (SRTT) – the technique I use with my clients from housewives and mothers to business owners, sports athletes and celebrities. If you are a life coach, counselor, therapist, hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner or psychotherapist, then this training course is for you – if you want greater faster results and you want to expand your business. Click here:

 http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/

Now, let’s talk about losing your dream and how to get it back.

Recently, two similar cases with clients revealed that it is easy to lose your dream – your goals, aspirations and desires.

Peter, a business man, last year, left his job of six years and then stayed only a short while at the next job because he realized it was not a fit for him. Some months had passed and now Peter told me that he had lost his self-confidence, felt lost, confused and doubtful of his talents and whether or not he even wanted to do the same job again.

Jenny had been ill for many years and was now back and healthy and strong. But the bills for doctors and hospital coverage had been exorbitant and her husband was forced to work for long hours six and seven days a week with almost no time off for vacation. Jenny told me she was feeling lost, confused and generally down with no motivation or excitement for life.

Peter and Jenny shared common challenges.

We all start out with a dream or many dreams – something we want to do, be or have. It might be a longing to be an artist or a performer, to travel, to have a family and raise children, to live in a particular place or country, to live a certain lifestyle, to start a company or create a product, to succeed in a particular field, and so forth.

Along the way, though, come the obstacles and challenges to our dream: stress, life changes, responsibilities, failures, illness, etc. Sometimes, we also find ourselves switching our priorities – even unconsciously – and we are left doubting ourselves, with a feeling that something is amiss because we are not longing for what was our original dream or passion. (For example, one actress told me she was tired of the auditioning and traveling and now wanted security and a family but felt guilty that maybe she was giving up her passion.)

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In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how regrets can actually be very positive.

First a quick update:

****  JetBlue attendant flips out – a sign of rampant stress in society - Read the interview I gave to a reporter from the Chicago Tribune about Steven Slater, The JetBlue flight attendant who became so fed up with an argument with a passenger, that he flipped out, cursed the passenger over the intercom, grabbed a beer and then deployed the emergency slide at New York’s Kennedy Airport. I reveal the link between Slater’s actions, rampant stress in society, frustration with rude people, a backlash against big corporations and increasingly decaying work conditions and pressure.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/08/11/jetblue-attendant-a-symbol-of-rampant-stress/

****  Charlie Sheen: “I’ll kill you” – According to a police report, actor Charlie Sheen threatened his wife, saying “I’ll kill you.” Brooke Mueller says her husband Charlie Sheen sat on her, strangled her, and held a knife to her throat on Christmas day. Listen to the interview I gave to Alan Stock host of Newsradio 840 KXNT when I point out that the case of Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson have both failed to highlight the serious issue of domestic violence and too many people including groups that represent survivors of domestic abuse have remained silent about Charlie Sheen; favoritism and money are reasons that Charlie Sheen or his TV show “Two and a half men” are not being boycotted. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#illkillyou  

Click here to read the transcript of this interview: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/08/10/charlie-sheen-ill-kill-you/

****  Learn my coaching/therapeutic techniques – it’s almost ready – I will be offering for the first time, a training course on my “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” (SRTT.) Look for an email in the next few days.

Now, let’s talk about regrets and how they can actually be beneficial.

This summer’s blockbuster movie “Inception” features a soundtrack by Hans Zimmer that originates from Edit Piaf’s famous French song from 1960: “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” – no, I regret nothing. In fact, the song matches Inception because the theme of regret weaves throughout the film.  In Inception, “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” is used to signal the various characters that it is time to wake up and/or “kick up” into a higher dream level. The English translation of “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien”:

No, nothing at all, I regret nothing at all

Not the good, nor the bad. It is all the same.

No, nothing at all, I have no regrets about anything.

It is paid, wiped away, forgotten.

I am not concerned with the past, with my memories.

I set fire to my pains and pleasures,

I don’t need them anymore.

I have wiped away my loves and my troubles

Swept them all away

I am starting again from zero.

No, nothing at all, I have no regrets

Because from today, my life, my happiness, everything,

Starts with you!

What does it mean to regret or have regrets?

The dictionary defines regret as to feel sorry or sad that something has happened; a feeling of sorrow, remorse or guilt for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.

Wikipedia defines regret as “a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors.” But Wikipedia is mistaken as I will explain shortly.

We all have regrets of some sort; something in our past that we wish we could have done differently; maybe we wish we had not said those hurtful words or maybe we wish we had not treated that person in that way; maybe we even feel sad or sorry for something we didn’t do or didn’t say. Is there someone in your life who has passed on and to whom you wish you had said those words – “I love you” or “I forgive you”?

Like Wikipedia, some counselors and therapists believe that regrets are negative but that is not true. Yes, regrets can lead to guilt but sometimes we need to feel regret and guilt for things we did or didn’t do.

Why?

  Read the rest of this entry »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to respond to a blogger’s comments to me which raised the question: when it comes to cheating, are women innocent?

First a quick update:

****  Learn my coaching/therapeutic techniques – in response to numerous requests, look for an email this week when I will be offering for the first time, a training course on my “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” (SRTT)

**** Interventions & addiction – If you had a friend or family member who was out of control and nothing works, what would you do to help them? Watch the series of four TV interviews I gave on The Morning Show:

When to do an intervention – Patrick Wanis PhD Pt.1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrY-10AkqqE

Interventions & addiction – Patrick Wanis PhD Pt. 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSIQmd7ldgo

Interventions – can you help? – Patrick Wanis PhD Pt. 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRFOM73z4oo  

Interventions – How to do an intervention – Patrick Wanis PhD Pt. 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AcKI_MghbE

Now, let’s talk about cheating and if women are innocent or not.

In a press release I issued in October 2008, “So much wrong with women”, I responded to a book by Gary Neuman, a marriage counselor, who claims when men cheat it’s women’s fault because they don’t show enough appreciation to their man.  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2008/10/09/so-much-wrong-with-women/

Neuman says women are to blame when men cheat. He says the no. 1 reason men cheat is “feeling underappreciated – a lack of thoughtful gestures” by the woman. He says cheaters are not the bad, rotten guys; “they can also be nice guys that get lost and do the wrong thing.”

In the above press release, and in subsequent interviews I gave, I revealed the major errors in Neuman’s conclusions. For example, first: no one else is to blame for the way we choose to respond to the way someone treats us. We cannot argue ‘you forced me to cheat’ or ‘you left me no other choice.’ Second: we alone are responsible and accountable for our own actions. While Neuman says that for 20 years he has heard the number one reason from men for their cheating is ‘feeling underappreciated’, I would argue that that is not the number one reason, rather, it is the number one excuse. I teach that cheating is about power, opportunity, instant gratification and lack of self-discipline and self-control.

(Read more of my responses in the transcript of the interview I gave to the syndicated radio show “Hits and Favorites” with Richard and Lori about “women to blame for men cheating” : http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/29/women-to-blame-for-men-cheating/ )

After reading my release, this week, one blogger on my website wrote a lengthy scathing comment, accusing me of favoring women and saying that “The bias against men in this article is glaringly obvious and pathetic.” Neoeritas wrote:

“Wanis like most others in our culture give women way to much movement while condemning men for the same failings…I suspect that his clientele are mostly if not exclusively female. I am also surprised that there is a PHD behind his name as one would think that someone with such a level of education would not make such sweepingly condemning statements to one gender. Women are not inherently innocent as our culture and they would like everyone to believe. They are just as capable of neglect, abuse, and cheating as men. And yes, they are also responsible for choosing their own responses.”

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