The ‘death’ of Bill Cosby

November 20th, 2014
The death of Bill Cosby

The ‘death’ of Bill Cosby

The accusations of rape by multiple women against Bill Cosby are not just bringing down his career with cancellations of shows, reruns and future projects – they have succeeded in ‘killing’ Bill Cosby for his millions of fans.

 

When we are faced with the stark claims that a warm, beloved TV star isn’t whom we believed him to be, we undergo our own pain – our image, emotional association and attachment to Bill Cosby are now shattered by the accusations and potential revelations that he is a rapist. In other words, the rape claims have destroyed our fond memories and affectionate associations. It is called Cognitive Dissonance – the struggle we face when there are two conflicting thoughts in our mind – in this case, the cuddly, gentle father figure of Bill Cosby clashing with the information that relays an image of a monster and rapist. We cannot hold two conflicting thoughts at the same time – we must abandon our image of the nice, loving man. And what happens to our numerous memories of Bill Cosby – of joy, laughter, warmth and guidance? They die. Fans can and will eventually speak of feeling duped, brainwashed and fooled by Bill Cosby ‘he isn’t who he pretended to be.’

 

Bill Cosby doesn’t need to be convicted by a jury in a court – the shocking claims by numerous women is enough to create doubt and eventually shatter all of our great memories. And quite sadly, more and more allegations are surfacing – including Therese Serignese who now claims she was raped in 1976, yet she says she willingly went back to his Las Vegas penthouse suite and stayed with him for several weeks and she adds they stayed in contact over the years; he helped her financially decades later giving her a gift of $15,000 for medical expenses. This behavior by Therese Serignese which, appears to be absurd and ‘unbelievable’, can be attributed to naivete, psychological manipulation and a teenage desire for fame, fortune and glamour.

All of these allegations will ultimately destroy any tender and beautiful memories fans have of Bill Cosby; once the amorous memories and emotions are gone, Bill Cosby dies with them. We can argue that Bill Cosby did it, but he also created the TV character Cliff Huxtable that we all fell in love with.

 

Therese Serignese: "Bill Cosby raped me"

Therese Serignese: “Bill Cosby raped me”

 

Extra Taking points

– why some fans defend him while others convict

– how and why we connect so deeply with TV actors and celebrities

– The grieving process (fans grieve when a celebrity or idol ‘dies’)

- misogyny and reasons why these women waited 3 decades (career opportunities over justice)

– Understanding why a powerful man and celebrity might rape a woman in this way

– Cee Lo Green drugged his date with Molly

- Separating art from the artist “worship the art, the product, not the artist”

 

Patrick Wanis PhD Human Behavior Expert

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The greatest gift of all

November 19th, 2014
the greatest gift of all significance gift-giving

The greatest gift of all

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the greatest gift you can give on Thanksgiving and The Holidays.

 

First a quick update:

 

 

**** Top 9 tips to prevent Holiday Stress Listen to the interview I gave to Sally Jessy Raphael about top nine tips, techniques and strategies to prevent arguments, fights and stress around the Holidays.  http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#EasingHolidayStress

 

 

**** Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the greatest gift you can give on Thanksgiving and The Holidays.

 

You’ve probably heard the teaching “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” It implies that there is great joy in giving. And it is true that we experience such elation when we give a gift, when we witness and can feel the pleasure that our gift brings to the other person.

 

The bliss we feel is directly attributable to the realization that we made a positive difference, that we were able to bring joy to someone else.

 

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
-       Carl W. Buehner (from “Richard Evans’ Quote Book”, 1971)

 

Think about the people presently in your life, and those no longer in your life.

 

Which people stand out?

 

Is there a person, whom when you think about him or her, you frown, get a knot in your stomach or you feel ill or disgusted?

 

Is there a person, whom when you think about him or her, you smile, get a warm feeling in your stomach or you feel elated or significant?

 

It is extraordinary the images and associations we create with every person in our life; we naturally attach and associate a specific emotion (inspirational or agitative emotion) to everyone in our life.

 

The emotion we attach to each person is determined by the way we feel around him/her.

 

Another common teaching is “No one can make you feel anything.”

 

That is not a truth; it is a guideline to encourage us to be aware that we can choose the way we respond to other people – their words and actions. Were it to be true, then we would never need to have relationships and it would not matter with whom we have a relationship since the premise is we can be happy and feel joy regardless of everyone or anyone else.

 

However, the more potent truth is that people can trigger certain emotions in us.

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How our brain twists reality and the truth

November 12th, 2014
how the human brain twists reality and the truth

How the human brain twists reality and the truth

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share two new studies which reveal that what we believe to be reality is not necessarily reality or the truth.
First a quick update:

****  Lena Dunham  – The famous actress has now been accused of being a sexual predator or sexually abusive towards her sister following the publishing of her memoirs where in her own words she describes playing with her 1-year-old sister’s vagina at age 7 and then as a teen masturbating while her sister was in the same bed. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/lena-dunham-sexual-predator/

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert


Now, let’s talk about
 two new studies which reveal that what we believe to be reality is not necessarily reality or the truth.

Did you know that Honeybees cannot see the color red, yet they have ultraviolet vision which means they can see things that the normal human eye cannot? The ability to see ultraviolet light lets honeybees spot patterns on flower petals that guide them to nectar. Birds have eyes that allow them to see color and texture that we cannot see.

This, of course, does not imply reality has changed for the birds, the bees or humans; it simply means we see reality differently.

But what if what we perceive to be real isn’t actually real? What if what we perceive to exist doesn’t actually exist?

When we read about people who hear voices we view them as suffering from a mental illness – schizophrenics hear voices. But why, as one new study reveals, do schizophrenics in the United States hear harsh and threatening voices while schizophrenics in India and Africa hear benign and playful voices? (I will speak more about this study in a moment.)

What if the ‘presence’ of a ghost or some other supernatural being that some people claim to experience is nothing more than a malfunction of the brain?

Reinhold Messner is a mountaineer “whose astonishing feats on Everest and on peaks throughout the world have earned him the status of the greatest climber in history.” Messner said that he felt a third, invisible climber, alongside him and his brother while they descended the Nanga Parbat mountain in Pakistan.
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Lena Dunham – a sexual predator?

November 12th, 2014
Photo posted by Lena Dunham of her 5-year-old sister with caption "#tbt that time I dressed my 5 year old sister as a Hell's Angel's sex property #1997"

Photo posted by Lena Dunham of her 5-year-old sister with caption “#tbt that time I dressed my 5 year old sister as a Hell’s Angel’s sex property #1997″

Lena Dunham,  the creator and star of HBO’s, “Girls”, has created a firestorm with some people accusing her of sexually abusing her younger sister following her newly published collection of personal essays, Not That Kind of Girl. In her book, Lena Dunham describes experimenting sexually with her younger sister Grace, whom she says she attempted to persuade to kiss her using “anything a sexual predator might do.” In one passage (p. 158-9), Dunham explains and describes how she experimented with her six-year younger sister’s vagina. “This was within the spectrum of things I did,” she writes.

 

“Do we all have uteruses?” I asked my mother when I was seven.

“Yes,” she told me. “We’re born with them, and with all our eggs, but they start out very small. And they aren’t ready to make babies until we’re older.”

I looked at my sister, now a slim, tough one-year-old, and at her tiny belly. I imagined her eggs inside her, like the sack of spider eggs in Charlotte’s Web, and her uterus, the size of a thimble.

“Does her vagina look like mine?”

“I guess so,” my mother said. “Just smaller.”

One day, as I sat in our driveway in Long Island playing with blocks and buckets, my curiosity got the best of me. Grace was sitting up, babbling and smiling, and I leaned down between her legs and carefully spread open her vagina. She didn’t resist, and when I saw what was inside I shrieked. “My mother came running. “Mama, Mama! Grace has something in there!”

My mother didn’t bother asking why I had opened Grace’s vagina. This was within the spectrum of things that I did. She just got on her knees and looked for herself. It quickly became apparent that Grace had stuffed six or seven pebbles in there. My mother removed them patiently while Grace cackled, thrilled that her prank had been such a success.

Did Grace, a 1-year-old baby have the knowledge and ability to create a prank on her mother involving stuffing 7 pebbles inside her vagina?

Lena Dunham also wrote this:

As she grew, I took to bribing her for her time and affection: one dollar in quarters if I could do her makeup like a “motorcycle chick.” Three pieces of candy if I could kiss her on the lips for five seconds. Whatever she wanted to watch on TV if she would just “relax on me.” Basically, anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.

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Protected: The file SRTT Digital Interactive Therapy Session

November 7th, 2014

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People are like dirt – 7 tips to real friendships

November 5th, 2014
Plato "People are like dirt" - 7 tips to real friendships

“People are like dirt” – 7 tips to real friendships

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the significance and application of a famous quote, incorrectly attributed to Plato, as well as offer 7 tips to real friendships: “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”.

First a quick update:

 

****  401 This Success Newsletter is now the 401st newsletter I have written, Yes, I have written 400 success articles prior to this one, with the first newsletter being published on June 6, 2006: Take Control of Your Emotions (and the first blog article I wrote was in October 2004)  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/take-control-your-life-emotions/

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

Now, let’s talk about the significance and application of a famous quote, incorrectly attributed to Plato, as well as offer 7 tips to real friendships: “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”.

 

 

First, it is critical to note that while the philosopher Plato has been credited with saying the above, he did not actually say or write those words. They do not exist in any of his works.

 

Nonetheless, the teaching is still valid: the people with whom we associate can help us evolve or they can help destroy us.

 

Life is short; we have limited time on this earth and as such, I teach that there is really no neutral state, we are either growing and expanding or we are shrinking and dying; we are either moving towards our goals or we are drawing back from them; we are either living meaningful and fulfilled lives or our lives are being filled with meaningless and unfulfilling things.

 

The difference lies in our beliefs.

 

Our beliefs (thoughts) are connected to our emotions or they drive emotions and those emotions either propel us to take positive action or negative action (doing nothing or wasting precious time is also a negative action.)

 

Our beliefs and our emotions are also influenced by the people with whom we associate: they support, mold or transform our beliefs and emotions – for the better or the worse.

 

Our friends, colleagues and associates (even our family) can be the rich soil that nourishes our growth or they can be the barren desert that dries up our dreams, goals, aspirations and beliefs in our selves. They can support us or they can twist us to become bitter towards the world. They can gently push us to reach out to embrace life or they can strangle us and cause us to hide in deep isolation, cynicism or despair.

 

“I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.”

-       Abraham Lincoln

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Protected: SRTT Digital Interactive Therapy Session

October 30th, 2014

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10 Tips for Single mothers raising sons – 5 Dos and 5 Don’ts

October 29th, 2014
10 tips for mothers raising sons 5 dos and 5 donts

10 Tips for mothers raising sons – 5 Dos and 5 Dont’s

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal 10 tips – 5 Dos and 5 Don’ts for single mothers raising sons.

 

First a quick update:

****  Is it ever a good idea to date a friend’s ex? – HerCampus.com posed the question and you can read my insights here: http://www.hercampus.com/love/relationships/dating-friend-s-ex-it-ever-good-idea

 

**** Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

 

Now, let’s talk about the 10 tips – 5 Dos and 5 Don’ts for single mothers raising sons.

 

Being a single mother is extraordinarily challenging with tremendous financial, physical, mental, and emotional pressures. Raising a son on your own, is even more difficult.

 

First, here are the words of caution – the 5 “Don’ts”:

 

1. Don’t make him your ‘man’

A client was revealing to me that he feels a romantic attachment to his mother. For him, it began when he was 4 years of age and she was being hit by her husband. She turned to her son and asked him for comfort. Soon, she divorced the abusive husband and said to her son, “You are my man.”

 

It is a common occurrence for single mothers (and even married mothers who feel disconnected from their husbands) to turn to their young son for emotional support. However, this creates enmeshment: the child is unable to form his own identity; he cannot psychologically and emotionally separate himself from his mother, is plagued with guilt, and grows up afraid and angry at the world. The child cannot replace or play the role of an adult male. He cannot process or understand your emotions.

 

Set physical and emotional boundaries for him and for yourself.

 

 

2. Don’t make him ‘the man of the house’

While this behavior seems to be similar to calling him your ‘man’, it is actually an added layer where he feels responsible for the household, for his mother’s wellbeing and even for the financial responsibilities. Some young boys will go and seek work to help or they will be overwrought with self-loathing and helplessness for not being able to turn things around. Remember, a young boy cannot be your emotional rescuer.

 

3. Don’t teach or encourage him to hate his father and all men

You can be angry at the father if he has failed to perform his responsibilities or failed to live up to your expectations. However, he is still the biological father of your son and your son has a right to connect or communicate with his father, until such time, that it is clear that it is damaging to the son to do so.

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Negative hallucination and false stories in our head

October 22nd, 2014
Negative hallucinations and false stories in our heads

Negative hallucinations and false stories in our head

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss negative hallucinations and the false stories we create in our head.

 

First a quick update:

 

****  Why ISIS is succeeding in recruiting Western Youth – Boys and girls around the world, and as young as 13 years of age, are fleeing their country to join and fight alongside terrorists. Three girls from the US were just caught in Germany. Why is ISIS succeeding with youth? Read my insights here: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/western-youths-joining-isis/

 

 

****  Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

 

Now, let’s talk about negative hallucinations and the false stories we create in our head.

 

Many years ago when I was performing stage hypnosis shows I would hypnotize volunteers to perform hallucinations and negative hallucinations.

 

Hallucinations are things we see that don’t exist; negative hallucinations are things we don’t see that actually exist.

 

For example, I would hypnotize a volunteer and tell him that there is a UFO in the sky and now he must warn people about the danger (hallucination.) In another scenario, I would tell the hypnotized volunteer that the audience has completely vanished and it is so quiet and peaceful here. Next, I would ask the audience to shout loudly and have people come up and jump up and down in front of the hypnotized person who would see and hear nothing.

 

He simply could not see or hear what was happening right in front of him, and happening quite loudly and clearly. He couldn’t even feel the weight of the people jumping up and down in front of him.

 

It is amazing to see and experience the things hypnotized people will do and the way that they will react under hypnosis.

 

However, most of us fail to recognize that we do these same things on a daily basis – we engage in hallucinations and negative hallucinations.

 

We see things in our head that don’t exist and we fail to see the things that do exist in reality.

 

For example, a client told me that she was experiencing anxiety and feelings of rejection because she had not heard from a friend regarding a project with which she could have helped him.

 

She began to explain to me the hallucinations – she believed that he doesn’t care, isn’t interested, doesn’t think she is significant and doesn’t need her for the project.

 

That was her story.

 

In her mind she created a story about his actions or lack of actions.

 

She created a hallucination, which in this case was a negative use of her imagination and which, created feelings of anxiety, rejection, insignificance and unworthiness.

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Why Western youths are joining ISIS

October 17th, 2014
Why Western youths are joining ISIS. Samra Kesinovic, 17, and Sabina Selimovic, 15 fled Austria to join ISIS

Why Western youths are joining ISIS. Samra Kesinovic, 17, and Sabina Selimovic, 15 fled Austria to join ISIS

ISIS – the new online predator

US intelligence says more than 100 Americans have gone to Syria to join ISIS or have tried thus far – they are young and not just male.

Three girls from Minnesota left the US recently to join ISIS. One teenage US female who converted from Christianity to Islam, was arrested trying to fly to Syria to fight. Hundreds of teenage girls, many still underage are leaving their homes in Europe to join ISIS. In Austria, two teenage girls 15 and 17 fled to join ISIS in Syria and 12 others are believed to have done the same thing.

Update: The FBI said that it’s investigating the possibility that three girls from the Denver area tried to travel to Syria to join Islamic State extremists.  

The real answer to the uncovering the success of ISIS in recruiting American and other Western youth is to approach it with a multi-layered analysis.

 

The profile:

 

Age: Young – teens to mid 20s

 

Education: high school graduates and college students (in Europe, the females are college graduates)

 

Recruitment: self-recruited online via social media and web (not via radical Imams at Mosques)

 

Ethnicity: South Asian, East Asian, Caucasian, Middle Eastern and African-American descent

 

Identity – Unable to identify with American culture – identify more with Middle East or native country

 

Psychological issues – feelings of being alienated, potential trouble at home

 

Emotional needs – lack sense of purpose and belonging, lack of self-perceived significance; youth seem disengaged from community – outsiders, loners.

 

Emotions – Anger & frustration: Angry at society and the perceived immorality and filth; frustrated by feeling of displacement, feelings of being second-class citizens.

 

Emotions and religious beliefs & ideologies – Helplessness and betrayal – believe that the West is killing their people – killing the Muslims; Grievance of mistrust of government and US authorities for spying on Muslims; desire to achieve something

 

Emotional needs – lack sense of purpose and belonging, lack of self-perceived significance; youth seem disengaged from community – outsiders, loners.

 

Future goals 7 promises: Western girls are being enticed with romance – marriage proposals, family, love and a home

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