Why do we lie?
We lie because we believe that the lie will help us in some way. We don’t realize that lying is actually harmful to our health and relationships! In this article, I share the results of a study that reveals that lying harms your body, mind, and health. But first:
How we learn to lie
When did you tell your first lie?
You were probably too young to remember!
You probably believe that because children often blurt out whatever they feel, they always speak their truth unfiltered. Therefore, you might also believe that lying is not a natural behavior and that when children lie it is because someone taught them to lie, probably their parents or other adults.
That is false.
Children lie to avoid pain, punishment, getting into trouble, being hit, scolded, or rejected, or they lie to get what they want!
We do the same as adults.
Why?
The real reasons we lie
We lie to maintain social relationships.
We lie to avoid conflict, confrontation, or rejection.
We lie to get ahead.
We lie to make our lives easier.
We lie to be included and approved.
Researchers claim on average that we lie about 11 times per week.
“Men are often more dishonest than women, especially in competitive settings where lies advance self-interest.”
Gender similarities and differences in dishonesty
Lying harms your health
But we are mistaken – lying does not always make our lives better. In fact, one study reveals the opposite to be true – lying makes our health worse!
Lying and dishonesty create stress, and are embodied in us – we experience them in our brain and body
The science behind lying and stress
Research reveals that:
Lying triggers the release of stress hormones, increasing heart rate and blood pressure, and negatively impacting metabolism and digestive processes.
Lying and dishonesty lead to cortisol reactivity – increased levels of cortisol, and increased output of the HPA Axis – leading to headaches, fatigue, insomnia, and anxiety.
Stress lowers your immune system: it reduces leukocytes that protect you against illness and disease. Leukocytes are your body’s infection-fighting white blood cells. Ongoing stress contributes to multiple ailments such as lower-back pain, tension headaches, dizziness, diarrhea, digestive issues, sore throat, rapid heartbeat, menstrual problems, and even infertility.
The Shocking Study: Reducing Lies Improves Your Health
Anita Kelly, a psychology professor at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, conducted a 10-week study to explore the link between health and lying.
The study involved 110 adults – ages 18 to 71, male and female, of various ethnicities, and all income levels.
The participants were divided into two groups: half of the participants agreed to avoid lying entirely during the study. They couldn’t make any false statements, although they could withhold the truth, keep secrets, and avoid answering questions.
The other group received no specific instructions regarding lying, although they were aware they would be reporting the number of lies they told each week.
All participants underwent weekly lie-detector tests and completed questionnaires assessing their physical and mental health, and the quality of their relationships.
“We didn’t find that anyone was using the study to give people a piece of their mind or tell them brutal truths. They just stopped exaggerating their day-to-day accomplishments, dropped excuses that weren’t true, and told partial truths instead.”
Key findings from the study – Reducing lying improves health & relationships
Here is a summary of what the study found.
– **Improved Relationships**: Participants who reduced their lies reported better personal relationships and smoother social interactions.
– **Better Health**: A reduction in lies was associated with better health outcomes, including fewer headaches, less stress, and improved sleep.
– **Increased Honesty and Health Benefits**: Deliberately lying less made participants see themselves as more honest, which strengthened the connection between fewer lies and better health.
These results suggest that efforts to stop lying can enhance health benefits. Fulfilling rather than violating others’ expectations for honesty helps build trust, which is key to good health through stronger relationships.
The study’s author, Anita Kelly suggests that – fulfilling rather than violating others’ expectations for honesty is likely to build trust, which may be key to good health by building good relationships.
Not allowing oneself to lie might change behaviors that would have to be lied about later, too! In other words, if you tell the truth now, it will also reduce potential stress because you won’t be thinking about having to lie again later or build upon the first lie.
Practical Steps to Reduce Lying and improve your health
To achieve these healthier outcomes, participants were given specific instructions:
– Speak honestly, truthfully, and sincerely, not just about big issues but also small matters, such as the reason why you were late
– Mean what you say in serious situations; avoid lies but allow for silence or omission when appropriate.
– Refrain from telling any lies for any reason. You may omit truths or keep secrets, but you cannot say anything you know to be false.
– Always mean what you say!
“Throughout every day of the next [10] weeks, you must speak honestly, truthfully, and sincerely – not only about the big things, but also about the small things, such as why you were late. You must always mean what you say in situations where your statements are to be taken seriously, as opposed to when joking or obviously exaggerating. While you certainly can choose not to answer questions, you must always mean what you say.”
“[Additionally,] refrain from telling any lies for any reason to anyone. You may omit truths, refuse to answer questions, and keep secrets, but you cannot say anything that you know to be false. Do you agree to tell no falsehoods for the duration of this study?”
How did participants manage to lie less frequently?
After 10 weeks, participants shared these examples:
They realized that they could simply tell the truth about their daily accomplishments rather than exaggerate
They stopped making false excuses for why they were late or had failed to complete tasks
They added qualifying statements to make the preceding statements more truthful
They responded to a troubling question with another question, changed the topic, or were vague.
Telling people brutal truths was not the alternative to lying!
They also stopped making false excuses for running late or failing to finish tasks.
“I think white lies are trouble, not just major lies. The goal doesn’t have to be the absolute absence of lies . . . the goal would be a reduction in lies. What people can do is to commit themselves to lying less.”
Although the previous research indicates that lying is common, – it does NOT mean that everyone is dishonest: Humble, modest people tend to be honest and straightforward (Lee & Ashton, 2004). – nor does it mean that people cannot stop lying!
“[When you are lying or about to lie], I would bet that you can feel the tension in your shoulders, in your stomach, and in other parts of your body. You would spend a lot of time planning the lie, executing it, and maintaining it.” – Linda Stroh, professor emeritus of organizational behavior at Loyola University in Chicago, author of Trust Rules: How to Tell the Good Guys From the Bad Guys
Conclusion: Stop lying and improve your health and happiness
Lying, might seen as a harmless way to avoid conflict or make life easier, but it does the opposite – Lying harms your body, mind and health. It can significantly harm your health and relationships. By committing to greater honesty, even in small ways, you can improve your well-being, strengthen your relationships, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Please distinguish between lying less and radical honesty.
Has someone lied to you?
If you have experienced betrayal and need help to overcome the pain, book a session with me.
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.