Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis PhD, answers questions about why women seek out fairytale endings and “Happily Ever After”
Q. WHY WE DO WOMEN LOVE THE IDEA OF A “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”?
Patrick Wanis PhD: The concept of “Happily Ever After” appeals strongly to women for two reasons:
- It satisfies one of women’s primary needs and desires – security. Women will often marry or commit to a relationship first for security and second for love or romance. This is another reason why rich and powerful men are so attractive to women – they offer the perception of security.
- It meets a woman’s definition of joy – happy and fulfilled relationships. Women measure their happiness and self-esteem based on the quality of their relationships. And when a woman’s relationships are in tatters, she will quickly and easily feel that her world is out of control and can easily become depressed.
Q. WHY DOES IT SEEM TO BE WOMEN WHO HOPE FOR THE FAIRYTALE ENDING AND NOT MEN?
Patrick Wanis PhD: Women primarily seek security and fulfilling relationships as a measure of happiness while men define happiness and personal success based on the results they produce (the empire & wealth they build – be it a house, car, business or money amassed.) However, fantasy appeals to women much more than men who are driven by ‘cause and effect.’ In other words, men are more logically driven and women are more emotionally driven; not right or wrong, it’s simply the way it is. Women are also raised and reared from the early years in dreams, fantasies and hope (dress-up, role-playing games.) Parents, particularly mothers support, encourage and inspire the imagination of their daughters; many girls are still reared today to dream and fantasize about ‘their day’ – the wedding – even more than marriage or the relationship. Young girls are also programmed by their mothers to think about the man they wish to catch. On the other hand, boys, are encouraged to focus on measurable and tangible goals around producing results – football and other sports. Thus, their fantasies are based on achievable goals and which come with immediate disappointments or triumphs (loss or victory.) As boys grow up, they also tend to become more accustomed to rejection than girls since they are the hunters and they don’t always win the chase. Men do, though, play a role in the fairytale ending, since they focus on building the castle and women focus on becoming the princess rescued by the prince or knight in shining armor.
Q. CAN DREAMING OF FINDING PRINCE CHARMING AND ONE’S OWN “HAPPILY EVER AFTER” BE HARMFUL FOR WOMEN?
Patrick Wanis PhD: Fantasy has benefits because it offers us hope. And hope helps us to survive the challenges and disappointments of everyday real life. However, constant dreaming, dependence or attachment to the concept of finding Prince Charming can actually be harmful because it is not attainable nor sustainable. All humans are imperfect, and even if a woman happens to find a man who rescues her in the moment, he cannot ensure or guarantee that she will be happy forever. And that is the second danger of longing for Prince Charming and “Happily Ever After” – expecting someone or something outside of you to make you happy robs you of all of your personal power and turns you into a powerless victim subject to the whims and control of a man. My advice is to get clear about what you want in a man and how you want to feel in a relationship. Then, pursue it, but remember no one else can complete you and no one else can make you happy. Focus on being happy with yourself and then seek a man who is also happy in himself – and voila two happy people come together to become even happier. And that is a better guarantee of living “Happily Ever After” than playing a stranded damsel in distress waiting for a prince who might never show up.
Patrick Wanis PhD
Human Behavior & Relationship Expert
Author of “Get The Man You Want!” https://www.patrick-wanis.com/product/get-the-man-you-want-audio-download/
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.